


All of the Stars

by raiseyourpinky



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Actor Castiel, Actor Dean, Alternate Universe - Actors, Alternate Universe- No Supernatural, F/M, Fluff and Humor, Friends to Lovers, Friendship/Love, Human Castiel, M/M, Romantic Comedy, Slow Build Castiel/Dean Winchester, previous Lisa/Dean, short term Castiel/Meg, some screenplay/script format
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-05
Updated: 2015-08-30
Packaged: 2018-03-29 02:48:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 22
Words: 55,975
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3879262
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/raiseyourpinky/pseuds/raiseyourpinky
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean Winchester just landed a lead role in a romantic comedy alongside Bela Talbot. He's ready to get back to work after his last successful film, Supernaturally. There's just one problem. Dean has to work with Castiel Novak, a reclusive actor who hates fame. But first impressions aren't always right. Soon, the two of them become close friends.</p><p>In their newfound friendship, Dean has to figure out how to hunt down the ghosts from their pasts in order to move forward.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The First Day On Set

**Author's Note:**

> I'm very fond of this story so far. I'm excited to finally be able to share it! Let me know your thoughts, and any theories about what might happen.

_Coffee Dates_ was a romantic comedy starring a handsome man and a beautiful woman. It involved lots of coffee. The movie practically sold itself.

During breakfast, Dean Winchester looked over the script, skimming the scenes he wasn’t in. He knew the story enough without having to read every part of it. His job was to look good and act romantic. His agent, Garth, had gotten him the lead role, and that was all that mattered.

After getting out of the shower, Dean got dressed in dark jeans and a red flannel. He put a leather jacket on top and rushed out of his apartment located downtown. He got into his 1967 Chevy Impala that waited patiently for his return in the parking garage.

A smile shaped his lips when he started the engine and heard the Impala’s powerful rumble.

Dean drove through L.A. traffic to the film set. Today was their first day of shooting. He would get a chance to meet the full cast and get a sense of who his _sober_ co-stars really were. It was important to Dean that he got along with everyone on the set, cast and crew equally. Dean was aware of his talents, but he wasn’t conceited. At least he didn’t think so. This was only his second lead role in a movie, and he wanted it to have a domino effect. Most importantly, he wanted to earn every role he got.

Everyone on set was moving. It became contagious. Dean was here to work. He wanted to work. After his last horror film,  _Supernaturally_ , Dean had been out of work for almost a year. Now he had a great role in a promising film. His excitement was hardly containable.

Once he checked in with a PA, Dean got directed to his trailer. Dean nodded and thanked the young man and headed to his trailer to get out of everyone’s way. As he treaded down the concrete, Dean checked his phone. There were three messages from Sam.

Dean had completely forgotten to call him last night. He’d passed out as soon as he got home from the bar. A few of the cast had gotten together to get to know each other a little better, but Dean had left too late and too drunk.

_> >>How did it go? I’m proud of you, Dean._

_> >>You forgot to call me, didn’t you?_

_> >>Jerk._

Without any warning, Dean collided against a solid body on his path. He caught a flash of blue eyes before his feet got tangled and he lost his balance, causing him to fall against the other guy. Dean gripped onto the stranger’s arms for support, and he witnessed as the hot cup of coffee the guy was holding slid out of his hand onto the ground. The other man steadied Dean with his solid hands and Dean tried a coy smile. He put his phone back into his pocket and glanced up.

The man was older, and his hair was onyx black, which contrasted the marble blue in his puzzled eyes. He wore a black suit and a blue tie that was tied backwards. Dean had never seen this man on set, but he was too dressed up to be part of the crew. Actually, he was too dressed up to be part of the cast too.

“Didn’t see you there,” Dean said as a way of an apology. Dean extended his hand. “I’m Dean Winchester.”

“Castiel Novak,” he said in a deeper voice than his. They shook hands briefly.

“Okay, well, nice to meet you,” Dean said, walking ahead. Before he got far, he felt a hand on his shoulder, and then he was forcefully turned back around.

Castiel stared at him expectantly. He clenched his teeth and lifted up his chin.

“What?” Dean asked, clueless of whatever had angered the stranger.

“Are you too important for apologies?” Castiel asked.

It took Dean a few awkward moments of silence to realize the man wasn’t joking. “I didn’t think it was a big deal. I bumped into you. It was an accident.” Dean shrugged. “I’ll pay you back for the spilled coffee. How much was it? Two bucks?” Dean started to pull out his wallet when he noticed Castiel was getting angrier.

Castiel shook his head. “Yes, you bumped into me, spilled my coffee, and then walked away without the briefest apology. It comes to no surprise, but I must admit I am still rather disappointed.”

“I said it was an accident, man,” Dean said. “What, do you want me to go crazy with apologies? I only say sorry when I mean it. Otherwise the word loses its meaning.”

“You are insufferable,” Castiel said.

“Me?” Dean scoffed. “Are you sure you don’t have the roles reversed here? Who are you anyway?”

“I am an actor,” Castiel said. “And I know who you are. I saw your cheap horror film last fall.”

“Cheap?” Dean asked, taking a step closer, forcing Castiel to take a step back. Screw getting along with everyone on set. “We had Eva Longoria. Do you think a cheap film can afford Eva Longoria?”

“They could certainly afford you,” Castiel said, smirking.

“I get why you weren’t invited to our get-together yesterday,” Dean said.

Castiel widened his eyes. For a split second, he allowed a hint of vulnerability to be seen, but then he wiped it away with a grin. “The reason I was not invited is because I flew in this morning from Kansas.”

“Good for you, big guy,” Dean said. Just as he was about to end this infuriating conversation with the petty man, he noticed Bela approaching them.

Bela Talbot was his very attractive, very dangerous co-star. She wore a black dress and fuzzy house slippers, and she made it look good. Her light brown hair curled perfectly below her shoulders. Dean knew not to mess with her since the first moment she caught his eye. As innocent as she appeared with her big, pretty eyes, Dean knew she was a strong woman that could crush anyone with a heel, or sometimes a fuzzy slipper.

“You must be Castiel,” Bela said, smiling at the asshole.

“I am,” Castiel said. “Bela, it is a pleasure meeting you.” He gave her a kiss on the cheek.

“I see you and Dean are getting acquainted,” Bela said. She paused, glancing from Dean to Castiel. “Or do I already sense some tension?”

“Not at all,” Dean said. “He’s…delightful.”

Castiel glared at Dean and said nothing.

Bela clapped her hands together once. “I really hope the two of you are better actors on-screen or we’re fucked.”

“I need to find my trailer,” Castiel said. Before he left, he said goodbye to Bela, but ignored Dean.

Bela laughed as she watched Castiel disappear amongst the hardworking people. “What did you do to piss off that guy?”

“I literally just bumped into him,” Dean said defensively. “I guarantee you he’d fit ten times better in a soap opera, what with his melodrama. What role does he have, anyway?”

Bela hooked an arm around Dean’s and led him into his trailer. She shut the door and sat down with him, grinning widely at the chance to spill all her secrets. “I heard from a good source that Bobby had to go up to Castiel’s house in Kansas and beg for him to take the role in the movie. Castiel’s some kind of bizarre, reclusive actor who desperately wants to stay away from the headlines, fame, and all the good stuff that come with acting. I mean, he doesn’t even live in California. He’s very low-key.”

“Why the hell did Bobby want _him_ in our movie?” Dean asked, furrowing his brow.

“Apparently he’s an amazing actor,” Bela said. “Bobby felt he was the right man for that role. I heard Castiel might retire from acting after this film. If he hates it so much, he might as well. _Coffee Dates_ is going to be as big as any of those Meg Ryan 90’s rom-coms. He’ll get a fan-base and they won’t let him go.”

“Oh, please,” Dean said, waving away her concerns. “I doubt this asshole can act at all.”

“I’m just delivering the information,” Bela said, lifting up her hands and blinking innocently.

“What role did he get, though?” Dean asked, realizing Bela had never answered his question.

She smiled sympathetically at Dean. “He’s playing Jimmy, your character’s closest friend.”

“Oh, hell.” Dean ran his hand through his hair. “Jimmy’s the best supporting character I’ve ever read about. Castiel’s going to fuck it all up. How am I going to act with that guy? I can’t even touch him ‘cause he’ll go all nuts.”

“Give him some time, Dean,” Bela said, tugging on Dean’s earlobe before rising from her seat. “I need to go finish my transformation into the future love of your life.”

“No pressure,” Dean said, distracted.

Bela laughed. “Cheer up, handsome. At least you have me.”

Dean looked up and smiled. “I’m glad I do.”

“Don’t look at my ass as I walk away,” Bela warned, leaving his trailer.

 

*******

 

A man with an old-school mullet greeted Dean as he entered the makeup room. He’d already been fitted for today’s costume, but this was the dreadful part. Not that wearing makeup bothered him. If most girls did it, then he would too. His problem lied in being forced to sit still for long periods of time, in an uncomfortable chair that made his ass sore.

The mullet man grinned at Dean, holding out a fist for a bump.

“Hiya, movie star,” the man said easily.

“Not quite,” Dean said, sheepishly, bumping his fist against the man’s.

“Name’s Ash,” he said. “I’m the makeup artist.”

Dean nodded, sliding his hands into his pockets. “Should we get started?”

“Go ahead,” Ash said, motioning to one of the empty leather chairs lined up in front of a long lit mirror. There were a variety of cosmetic products all set out on the counter. “Don’t look so scared. Makeup’s the greatest thing in the world. I’m gonna paint your face until you look like a Greek god.”

“That might be reaching,” Dean said.

“Nonsense.” Ash waved a hand dismissively, lightly brushing some powder on Dean’s cheeks. “You just sit tight, relax, and let me work my magic.”

Dean smiled. “How long have you been doing this?”

“Almost six years,” Ash said, leaning against the edge of the counter behind him, holding the brush in his hand and studying Dean’s featured with an unexpected intensity. “I like to call myself an artist. I started out at a small beauty salon, but I love the film industry. There’s never a lack of drama.”

“I’m sure that’s true,” Dean said, forcing his eyes open even as the brush stroke his face again. “Ash, I know as an artist, you wish your blank canvas would not move at all, but I’m an antsy person by nature.”

Ash held Dean’s head with one hand while he worked with the other. “No worries. You got one thing wrong, though. You’re far from a blank canvas. I’m going to do my best not to hide your amazing freckles. Congrats on those, by the way.”

“Thanks, I got them myself.” Dean smirked.

 

*******

 

After his makeup, hair, and costume were done, Dean walked up to Bobby’s office. Despite being the director, Bobby Singer was an easygoing man. Dean was more excited about getting to work with him than about the actual movie.

Bobby was drinking coffee when he allowed Dean inside.

“Dean, you’re the man I wanted to see,” Bobby said, offering Dean a cup of coffee.

“No, thank you, Bobby. I already had coffee this morning,” Dean said, taking a seat across Bobby’s desk. His leg started bouncing. Dean was definitely jittery enough without adding more caffeine to his system.

“You survive on one cup o’ coffee?” Bobby asked, raising his eyebrows. “My God, son, you gotta tell me your secret.”

Dean laughed. “Not really a secret. I just forget about the coffee with all the junk food I eat compulsively.”

“Idjit,” Bobby muttered, leaning forward on the desk. He folded his hands. “What can I help you with?”

“Well.” Dean cleared his throat. “I had a chance to meet Castiel Novak this morning.”

“He’s a fine man, that one,” Bobby said, grinning.

“I, uh, think we hit it off on the wrong foot,” Dean confessed. “Dude seemed to be set on hating me.”

Bobby sighed. “That’s never good to hear. Listen, will this get in the way of the project? I can’t risk my two best men arguing behind the scenes. This sorta stuff translates onto the screen, son.”

“I know, Bobby,” Dean said. “That’s why I wanted to bring this up with you. What am I supposed to do if he won’t cooperate?”

“He will,” Bobby said, confidently. “Castiel is not only a fine man, he’s a professional. I know he might be a bit on the strange side, but I’m a fan of his work. Have been for years. I trust him, same as I trust you.”

“Thank you, Bobby. I won’t let you down,” Dean said, getting up. “I promise to do my part in getting along with Cas.”

Dean didn’t miss the confusing moment after he came up with the nickname for Castiel. Bobby simply shrugged it off.

 

*******

 

Rehearsals were set to start in an hour. Dean decided to visit Castiel’s trailer to offer to run through their lines. The first scene they were filming was with both of them. Dean was equally nervous and frustrated. He was already dreading forgetting his lines, but now he had to worry about not offending one of his co-stars.

He found Castiel’s trailer and hesitated before moving closer. Before he built up the courage to knock on his door, Dean’s phone rang.

“Yeah?”

“Big-shot actor forgets his brother before his movie even hits theatres,” Sam said. “I am so disappointed.”

Dean sighed in relief, leaning against the trailer. “I am so fucking glad you called, Sammy. I was about to walk into the slaughterhouse.”

“Acting sounds dangerous,” Sam said.

“Tell me about it.” Dean checked his wristwatch. “Shit, I don’t have much time until rehearsals.”

“So don’t waste time with me,” Sam said. “Give me a call later. I’m thinking about visiting soon. I could use a mind-clearing six-hour drive from Stanford. How would you like to put up with your obnoxious brother during spring break?”

“Spring break? Sammy, that sounds amazing!” Dean grinned into his phone. The prospect of having his baby brother for an entire week was the best news he’d gotten all day. “I’ll call you when I get home to hash out the details.”

“Alright, take care, Dean.”

“You, too, Sammy.”

Dean disconnected and stared at the door belonging to Castiel’s trailer.

_Here we go._

Castiel took his time to open the door after Dean knocked. “May I help you?” he said icily.

“Actually, yes,” Dean said. “Can I come in?”

“Fine,” Castiel said, stepping aside to make room for Dean. After shutting the door, Castiel narrowed his eyes at Dean. “What do you need?”

Dean took his time to observe the change Castiel had been put through. His pressed suit was gone, and now he wore blue jeans and a black Henley. The change was kind of nice.

“I’m here to see if maybe you wanted to run through our lines together?” Dean offered, taking the first seat he could find at a table. He dug the script from his pocket. “The first scene we’re shooting is between our characters. It might be good to pre-rehearse.”

Castiel pursed his lips. Then he grabbed his script and sat across from Dean. “Yes, I did notice our characters have many scenes together.”

“You’d think we’re the couple, right?” Dean laughed, flipping the script to the first scene.

“If that were the case, not many people would watch it,” Castiel said with a frown.

“Why not?” Dean asked.

“When’s the last time you saw a romantic comedy following the love story between two men or two women?”

Dean stared at Castiel, partly surprised and partly impressed. In fact, Dean should be more aware of that kind of stuff. He was openly bisexual. But all his roles so far shaped him as a straight male. “You’re right.”

“I know I’m right,” Castiel said, and he seemed to be fighting his lips from curving up. He quickly shook his head and focused his eyes on the script.

“Okay, so my character, Michael, owns this coffee house, and your character, Jimmy, is Michael’s best friend.”

“So far, so good,” Castiel said with a nod.

“Michael meets this girl named Leslie at a poetry slam held at his coffee house. Apparently nothing says romance harder than poetry. Poetry is sex on legs. You literally want to slam that poetry.”

Castiel chuckled softly, shaking his head again. His eyes never left his script.

 _He thinks I’m funny_. _Interesting._

“Then, he invites her back to his coffee house the next day,” Dean continued, peering at Castiel through his lashes. “Except Leslie hits him with the fact that she hates coffee.” Dean makes a dramatic sound effect. “And it is Michael’s mission to court Leslie with a new blend of his delicious coffee every single day, until she accepts that coffee is, in fact, wonderful. With the help of his lifelong friend, Jimmy, he thinks up new coffee blends and romantic places where he will invite Leslie to have coffee with him.”

“Jimmy sounds like a good friend,” Castiel commented.

“I thought so, too,” Dean said.

Castiel cleared his throat. _“Michael, give it to me.”_

Dean smiled at Castiel, who had finally glanced at him. Dean realized it was his turn to speak his line, so he went ahead. _“You want it that bad, you gotta pay the price.”_

 _“My love and gratitude are priceless, my friend,”_ Castiel read.

 _“But my coffee isn’t,”_ Dean read.

_“Put it on my tab.”_

_“You mean the three-year old tab you started on opening day? At this rate, I’m not only going to own your house, but also your soul. Are you sure you’re okay with that?”_

_“Yeah, yeah, I’m all yours. Now, give it to me.”_ Castiel hummed in amusement.

 _“Here’s your favorite. French vanilla. Just so we’re clear, this coffee costs one Jimmy-shaped soul.”_ Dean glanced at Castiel.

 _“I’m sure my soul is safe in your hands, Mike. I’m not worried.”_ Castiel returned the glance, although for just a short moment.

Dean and Castiel continued on with their scene. Dean was getting a sense of a different side of Castiel. Despite their disastrous first meeting, Castiel was proving to be a good actor. An exceptional actor, so much that Dean started to think Castiel didn’t completely despise him.

If everything he’d heard from Bela was true, then Dean wanted to make the guy comfortable. As comfortable as possible. So maybe arguing with him wouldn’t take them anywhere.

Dean decided to give Castiel a second chance.

 

*******

 

“Cut!” Bobby shouted. His sharp voice vibrated through the room.

The actors shared a few sympathetic glances. They were done with their first day of shooting. Dean felt a huge weight lifted off his shoulders. Now that he’d gotten this first day out of the way, he felt he was on a good track.

“Great job, everyone,” Bobby said. “First call tomorrow’s at seven. Don’t be late, idjits.”

Bela stepped out of her heels and stretched out her toes. “I’m beat.”

“Yeah, me too,” Dean told her. The extras scattered in the set started leaving. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Bela.”

“Get your beauty sleep,” Bela said, smiling widely at him.

“I plan on it,” Dean said.

On his way back to his car, Dean caught sight of Castiel. The other man was standing alone in the middle of the set, glaring at the cell phone in his hands.

After their successful first day at work together, Dean felt confident enough approaching the guy without fear of being insulted. At least not immediately.

Dean went up to him, stopping a few feet away from him just for good measure.

“Hello, Dean,” Castiel said, typing something up in his cell phone. A small crease shaped on his forehead as he continued to focus.

“Everything okay?” Dean asked.

“I’m exhausted,” Castiel said openly. When he finally looked at him, Dean knew he wasn’t lying. Castiel looked like he was about to pass out. “I took an early flight this morning. I was unable to sleep more than two hours last night. Now I have to find the hotel with my reservations, but I don’t know the number to call a cab. My mobile device is entirely too slow. These things aren’t meant to be used as computers, Dean. I’m considering sleeping right on this ground if I can’t get this figured out in five minutes.”

“Whoa, slow down.” Dean took two steps closer, placing a tentative hand on Castiel’s shoulder, guiding him to the parking lot. “I have a car. I will take you to your hotel, alright? Don’t collapse on me. I know we had a long day today.”

“Understatement,” Castiel said, pocketing his cell phone. He tilted his head, watching Dean as they walked. “You are being uncharacteristically pleasant.”

“Just trying to help you out,” Dean said, earnestly. Unlike their first meeting, Castiel looked so small and frail. It made Dean want to comfort him. Maybe he was tired too.

They reached the Impala, and Dean helped Castiel into the passenger seat. He waited until Castiel buckled his seatbelt to get behind the wheel. Castiel’s eyelids were fluttering, but his eyes widened at the sound of the Impala’s engine. Zeppelin’s ballad of _The Rain Song_ played on the stereo, and the soft guitar and soothing intro filled the car.

“Oh, nice song,” Castiel mumbled, leaning his head against the window. An absent smile shaped on his lips.

“One of my favorites,” Dean said, pulling out of the parking lot.

Dean drove mindlessly, sinking into the quiet melody of the music. He expected he was driving in the right direction because Castiel hadn’t told him he wasn’t. In fact, Castiel hadn’t said a word in a long time.

Dean turned to his right to find the body a very tired man deeply asleep beside him.

“Fuck,” Dean muttered. _Should I wake him up?_

Castiel was using his palm as a pillow against the window. His messy hair was messier now than it had been earlier. And the smile remained on his face.

If he hadn’t been as tired, Castiel probably wouldn’t have fallen asleep in a stranger’s car. That takes a lot of trust.

Dean did the only thing he could do.

He drove them home.


	2. A Newfound Friendship

Dean sat at his dinner table eating a bowl of Cheerios and going over the script. It was a little over 6AM when he heard the alarm clock in the guest room going off. His impromptu guest hit the snooze button after a long minute.

Sipping his coffee, Dean grinned at the image in his mind. He wondered if Castiel was a morning person. _Probably not._

The guest room’s door opened soon after, and a disheveled man in a wrinkled suit hovered by his table, looking at Dean with a million silent questions. Castiel probably had the assumption that Dean was some kind of mind reader or he understood eye communication.

“Yes?” Dean asked, flipping the page of his script.

“What happened last night?” Castiel asked, running his hand through the bale of hay that was his hair.

“Tried to give you a ride but you crashed in my car,” Dean explained calmly, taking another sip of coffee. “I nearly had to carry you inside. You were mumbling something about your brothers and silly actors.”

“Jesus. What else did I say?” Castiel pulled out a chair and joined Dean at the table.

“You asked me if I wanted a hand job,” Dean deadpanned.

Castiel froze, leaning back against his chair and slowly shrinking in place.

“I’m kidding,” Dean said in a rush. “Geez, man, it was a joke. Don’t look so scared.”

“Is this your home?” Castiel asked, slightly flushed. He looked around the living room.

“It’s not big or expensive, but it’s my apartment,” Dean said. “I keep that guest room for my brother who comes to visit from time to time. He’ll be here for spring break, actually.”

Castiel nodded, fumbling with his fingers on the table, and then with his loose tie. “I left my luggage in my trailer. I’m afraid I don’t have a change of clothes.”

“Don’t sweat it, man. I got you covered.” Dean pushed away his coffee mug and script and stood up. “Wait here.” He left Castiel there and went into his bedroom. He flipped on the light switch and entered his closet. “I should warn you, I don’t think I own a suit. The one I wore for _Supernaturally’s_ premiere was rented," he called from his room.

“You wore a rented suit to your movie premiere?” Castiel asked from the table.

“Yeah, and I looked damned good in it too.” Dean grinned. He went back to searching through his shirts. He pulled out a Ramones shirt he wore since high school. “This is probably the closest thing I have to your size. I’ll give you a pair of jeans.” He grabbed the jeans from one of his drawers. “I also have a new toothbrush if you want to use it. Always gotta be prepared for Sammy. He never remembers to bring his toothbrush.”

Dean went back out and handed the items to his new guest.

Castiel held the shirt and jeans to his chest, clutching them both like his life depended on it. “Dean, thank you. I mean it. If it wasn’t for you, I—”

“You don’t have to thank me, Cas,” Dean said. “The bathroom’s right down the hall. You’ll find clean towels on the rack. Let me know if you need anything else. When you’re ready, come have breakfast. I made bacon and eggs.”

Castiel nodded, striding away.

Dean inhaled a deep breath, folding his arms across his chest. His phone rang, distracting him from the strange path his mind was about to embark on. Dean went back to the table as he answered the phone.

“Late night,” Dean said into the receiver.

“Figured that much,” Sam said. “So, how did it go? It must be so hard going from hunting monsters to pouring coffee.”

“Alright, I’ll admit that this romantic comedy is nothing like my last movie. I haven’t been splattered with fake blood at all. And I like the director. When you get here I’ll bring you on set so you can meet everybody.”

“Do I get to meet Bela Talbot?” Sam asked excitedly. “Does she know how amazing she is? Does she talk about her other movies? How is she in person?”

“Now I know you definitely won’t be meeting her, you perv,” Dean said.

“I promise I won’t embarrass you, Dean,” Sam said. “I’m a law student. We don’t lie. Usually.”

“Yeah, sure.” Dean glanced up when he noticed Castiel approaching him. The black Ramones shirt was pressed to his chest, fitting tightly around his arms. And the ripped jeans hung loose at his hips, showing a bit of the sensitive skin there. Dean pressed his legs together, sitting tensely at the table. _Look away. Why are you staring at him? Look away!_ “Sammy, I gotta get to work soon. I’ll call you later, alright?”

“Say hi to Bela for me,” Sam said before disconnecting.

Castiel’s wet hair was dripping. “We’ll be late for work if I have breakfast.”

Dean raised his eyebrows. “I’m not letting you out of this apartment on an empty stomach. You’re not fainting on the set because of me.” Dean stood up again. “Sit down, Cas.”

“Okay,” Castiel relented, taking a seat on the chair next to Dean.

Dean filled up a plate with bacon and eggs, reheated them up, and served it to Castiel. “Eat up, Jimmy. We have an even longer day ahead of us today.”

“Cas,” he said, digging into the food in delight. “I like being called Cas.”

“Oh,” Dean said, making a mental note of it. “Cas it is.”

“This is delicious,” Castiel said, taking a bite of the bacon.

Dean offered him some toast. “I know. I made it with my special recipe.”

“Which is?”

“Why, it is Love, my darling.”

Castiel burst into laughter, nearly choking on his bacon and eggs. Dean pushed a glass of orange juice to him, and Castiel gulped it down.

“Easy, tiger.”

“You amuse me more than anyone else I’ve ever met,” Castiel confessed, continuing with his meal.

“So I guess it’s safe to say we can move on from what happened yesterday, with the coffee?” Dean asked, wiggling his eyebrows playfully.

Castiel sighed. “I behaved poorly. I know it is no excuse to say I was tired, but I was.”

“I’m more than happy to put that behind us, Cas. You’re not so bad yourself.”

“Thanks.” Castiel took another bite of bacon. “I don’t know this city very well. I’m from Kansas. Whenever I film, I feel like I’m stepping into an entirely different universe.”

“That applies to the natives too,” Dean said. “I hear that you don’t like acting so much. Is that true?”

Castiel shrugged. “Acting is an art I have studied for years. It fascinates me. I’m just not completely used to the whole package. I wish actors could be just that—actors. We’re celebrities now, too. We don’t get to have any privacy. We have to share our lives with the rest of the world. We have to behave a certain way unless we want bad publicity, which could affect future projects. Actors are enslaved to the public eye. It is honestly dreadful. I want nothing to do with that environment. But I enjoy the acting process. I like bringing life into a character, especially when he is well-written.”

“That’s an interesting thought,” Dean said, considering Castiel’s dilemma. He wanted to act, but he didn’t want to be an actor. “Most people want to be actors for the fame and money. What do you want to get out of it?”

Castiel looked at Dean for a long moment. “I want to be a different person. For just a while.”

Dean leaned closer. “Why would you want to be anyone but you?”

“I’m not always the best version of myself,” Castiel muttered.

“Really? Because in the time I’ve gotten to know you, it’s only made me want to know every version of you.”

Castiel smiled. “You don’t know what you’re saying, Dean.”

“I think I do,” Dean said, picking up both of their empty plates and carrying them over to the sink. “And hey, while you’re here, I’m going to show you all the perks of living in Los Angeles. Who knows? You might grow fond of the city.”

Castiel snorted. “I highly doubt that.”

“Hey, Cas,” Dean said, walking back to the kitchen table. “You can stay here. For now.”

“What?” Castiel asked, cocking his head.

“You can stay at my place while we film this movie,” Dean said. Really, he probably should have thought about this rather than make an impulse decision. But he knew that the only way to welcome Castiel to the city was to keep him close. Besides, his apartment was much nicer than any hotel he could stay at. This place smelled like home, not like clean sheets. Not to say that Dean didn’t have clean sheets. He did. “What do you say?”

 Castiel straightened up in his chair. Once he seemed to realize that Dean wasn’t kidding this time around, he eased down. “I would like that, Dean.”

“Great.” Dean grabbed his script, cell phone, and keys. “Now we’re really going to be late and everyone will peg us as diva actors who don’t care about anybody else’s time.”

“I will simply let everyone know you held me hostage in your apartment until I ate your food,” Castiel deadpanned.

Dean laughed. “Getting a good night’s sleep really perked you up, huh?”

“I do feel lighter now,” Castiel admitted, rising from his chair and following Dean to the door.

“You look like a poor man having a midlife crisis in those clothes,” Dean said, laughing again.

“That is exactly what I was going for,” Castiel said.

 

*******

 

It was their second day of shooting, and Dean and Cas had yet another scene together. Dean, as Michael, was heading to his apartment, which was conveniently right on top of his coffee house. Castiel, as Jimmy, was lounging on the couch in a lazy, comfortable position that Castiel seemed to like. He was smiling widely, even before they started filming.

Dean had to walk into the house and find Jimmy eating his chips and watching television. Before they started filming, Dean went to sit on the armrest near Cas’ feet.

“Are you enjoying this?” Dean asked Cas, flicking one of his shoes.

“Oh, yes,” Castiel said, nodding. “I like Jimmy and Michael’s relationship. It makes sense.”

“They’re a fun duo,” Dean agreed. It wasn’t hard to get into conversation with Castiel, despite the enormous amount of people in the room with them. He enjoyed these short moments where they could just talk about anything.

“Dean, I’ve been giving some thought to the offer you made me this morning,” Castiel said, leaning up on his elbows. His blue gaze was unflinching as he watched Dean. “I am not certain of your seriousness. I can’t think of why you would invite me to live in your home. You hardly know me.”

Dean shrugged. “It’s not a big deal, Cas. I have enough room for a guest. I think you’re a cool person. And I was raised by my mother to be hospitable and kind to everyone. That’s not always easy, but I try.”

“I hope you don’t feel like you owe me anything,” Castiel said, frowning. “You have done more than enough for me. I’m the one feeling indebted to you.”

“Get those crazy thoughts of your head,” Dean said, raising his eyebrows and wagging a finger at Cas. “Neither one of us owes the other one anything. What are favors between friends, anyway?”

Castiel smiled crookedly, and Dean gaped a little at the way it made his entire face brighter. “We’re friends?”

“I don’t go making breakfast for just anyone,” Dean said with a roll of his eyes.

Their talk was cut short by Bobby’s ringing voice ordering them to their places. Dean glanced at Castiel and returned the smile before he headed out the door.

 

*******

 

**INT. MICHAEL’S HOUSE – EVENING**

_After closing up shop, MICHAEL heads to his house. He unlocks the door and lets himself in, but he stops with a jump when he notices JIMMY sprawled on his couch, eating his empty-calorie snacks and watching TV._

 

**MICHAEL**

What the hell, man? I thought you went home.

 

**JIMMY**

What do you think I’m doing here?

 

_MICHAEL sits on the carpet, in front of JIMMY, and they share the snack in a short, comfortable silence._

 

**MICHAEL**

She finally showed up.

 

**JIMMY**

Who? Poetry Girl?

 

_Realizing this is serious, JIMMY turns off the TV, and props himself up to listen to his friend._

 

**MICHAEL**

              She came in about fifteen minutes before I

              had to close up. I barely got to talk to her.

 

**JIMMY**

              Because you had to close up? You are aware that

              you’re the owner, aren’t you? What is this girl

doing to you, buddy?

 

**MICHAEL**

(shakes his head)

   She is so beautiful.

 

**JIMMY**

              So, romance her! You’re sexy. I mean, do you

              Even have to try? Just smile that suave smile

              Of yours and she’s yours.

 

**MICHAEL**

         There’s one problem.

 

**JIMMY**

              What is it? Does she have an equally beautiful

              Twin sister and you get them confused? Because

              I really can’t see another problem here.

 

_MICHAEL buries his face on the couch, while JIMMY gently pats his head._

 

**MICHAEL**

(muffled by the couch)

              She doesn’t like coffee.

 

_JIMMY lifts MICHAEL's head and cradles his head._

**JIMMY**

   She what?

 

**MICHAEL**

            Doesn’t like coffee.

 

**JIMMY**

   Is she insane?

 

**MICHAEL**

              People have different tastes.

 

_JIMMY lets out a long, suffering breath._

 

**JIMMY**

              That doesn’t mean you can’t guide her

              Toward the light.

 

_MICHAEL stares at JIMMY for a long moment, completely confused._

 

**MICHAEL**

              What light? Is this another one of your

              Stupid analogies that make absolutely no sense?

 

**JIMMY**

(rolls his eyes, still

cradling Michael’s face)

              Listen up, Pony Boy, because I’m about to

              Solve all of your problems. Yet again.

 

**MICHAEL**

              See, this is why people confuse you for my

              Fairy godmother when we go out in public.

 

**JIMMY**

              Do you want my help or not?

 

**MICHAEL**

              I told the greatest girl in the world that

              I had to close up shop because she didn’t like

              Coffee. The very nature of me is a problem.

              Fix me.

 

**JIMMY**

              Worry no longer, soldier. I am the churner

              To your butter.

 

**MICHAEL**

              No more analogies.

 

**JIMMY**

              You take me as I am, or you get nothing at all.

 

**MICHAEL**

(sighing)

      Fine.

 

_JIMMY smiles greedily before turning the TV back on and going back to his comfortable position on the couch. MICHAEL fights with him for the snacks, but relents when JIMMY tries to bite his hand._

 

*******

 

After Bobby yelled cut, Dean joined Castiel on the couch. He set the chips on the coffee table and smiled over at Cas.

“That was fantastic!” Bobby said, approaching them both. “I gotta say, Dean had me worried there for a moment, but I’m glad to see y’all worked this out.”

“Dean, you told him?” Castiel asked.

“I might have told him about the coffee,” Dean said, wincing.

Castiel rolled his eyes.

“Like I said, glad to see y’all worked this out and there’s no hard feelings,” Bobby said with a grin. “There’s great chemistry in your scenes so far. Dean, let’s see if we can get that to happen with Bela tomorrow.”

Dean sighed. He knew the scenes with Bela so far hadn’t been great, but he’d thought it was all in his head. Apparently not. “I’ll work on that,” Dean promised.

Chuck Shurley appeared behind Bobby. He wore a plain T-shirt and sweatpants. He stood there quietly until Bobby felt his presence and dragged him forward. “Hello, Mr. Winchester and Mr. Novak.”

“You can just call us Dean and Castiel,” Dean said. Castiel nodded in agreement.

Bobby chuckled, patting Chuck’s shoulders before taking off.

“You’re the writer, aren’t you?” Dean asked, getting up. Castiel followed suit. “All I’ve been reading lately is nothing but your script. It’s nice to finally put a face behind the work.”

“Oh God,” Chuck said. “Am I the total opposite of what you expected to find? I forgot to shave this morning.”

“Dude, you’re fine,” Dean assured him. “Cas and I have talked about how great your characters are written. We both like Jimmy.”

“It has been pleasing portraying Jimmy,” Castiel said.

Chuck glanced at his feet. “That is so great to hear.” He looked back to Castiel. “And you’re not just saying that?”

“Certainly not,” Castiel said, smiling kindly.

“Sweet.” Chuck stumbled back a couple steps before he turned around and walked out of the set.

Dean shared a quick laugh with Castiel.

“Would you like to get out of here?” Castiel asked.

They had enough time to grab dinner before their next scene. Dean agreed and trailed behind Castiel. After filling up two plates of food from the set, they ended up in Dean’s trailer. Propped on the small table, they ate while listening to the radio.

“That song you played last night is still in my head,” Castiel said, cleaning his hands on a napkin. “It was mesmerizing.”

“You need more Zeppelin in your life, Cas.” Dean chugged the last bit of his Dr. Pepper. “Listen, don’t forget your luggage tonight. If you’re gonna be staying at my place, I want you to be as comfortable as possible.”

“I spoke with one of the producers, Jody Mills, regarding my new living arrangement,” Castiel said, studying Dean’s reaction. “Seeing as they had agreed to pay for my hotel expenses, Jody feels entitled to have those funds go to you.”

Dean blinked. “You want to pay me rent?”

“Not me, necessarily,” Castiel said. “If you don’t want the money, I will make Jody aware.”

“I wasn’t expecting anything,” Dean said. “I wouldn’t charge you anything to be my temporary roommate, Cas.”

Castiel narrowed his eyes, thoughtful. “Would it make matters better if we use that money to explore the city?”

Now that was a plan. Dean liked Castiel’s way of thinking. In fact, he liked a lot of Castiel, but he wouldn’t let that be too obvious.

Dean held up his empty can of Dr. Pepper. “Here’s to Los Angeles.”

“And our newfound friendship,” Castiel provided.

“And our movie.”

Castiel clicked his Sprite against Dean’s empty can, and he took a sip. His smiling blue eyes grew smaller.


	3. Exploring the City

By the end of the first week shooting, and after his new roommate got settled in, Dean felt in grave need for a drink or two. They had the day off from shooting, so Dean took his chance to keep his word on showing Castiel around the city.

Even though the two of them had only been living together for five days, they had gotten into a routine. In the morning, Dean would get up early and make breakfast. Then they would eat together, get ready for work, and arrive to either Dean’s or Castiel’s trailer for the day. They never really needed both of their trailers anymore. In the evening, Castiel cooked dinner, and they ate on the couch, huddled up as Dean played some of his favorite records. It was a great routine. But they were usually running on a tight schedule, so Dean was still curious about his new co-star/roommate/friend. There was a lot he still didn’t know about Cas.

Dean made French toast in the morning, and poured coffee in two mugs. By the time Castiel entered the room, with his hair sticking up in every direction, and yawning like a kitten, Dean had already planned their entire day. Despite their lack of knowledge on each other, Castiel behaved comfortably around Dean. He used Dean’s apartment as if it were his own. Dean liked that. He knew earning Castiel’s trust was not an easy thing.

“Good morning, Dean,” Castiel said, entering the kitchen.

“Morning,” Dean called, sipping his coffee. “Breakfast’s getting cold.”

“It smells delicious,” Castiel said, yawning again. “I woke up with an extreme thirst.” He grabbed a water bottle from the fridge before joining Dean at the table. Cas bumped his feet with Dean under the table as he worked to lift them to the empty chair across from him.

“Well, you better get hydrated ‘cause we’re leaving soon,” Dean said, lifting his own feet as well onto the other empty chair, setting them below Castiel’s.

Castiel opened up the water bottle and nearly finished its content in one gulp. “What is on the agenda?”

“I’m not going to spoil the surprise,” Dean said, digging into his French toast.

“To be entirely honest, Dean, I’ve never been a fan of surprises,” Castiel admitted, taking a small bite of his toast.

“Why not?” Dean wondered.

“I just haven’t,” Castiel said, not willing to elaborate. Dean wasn’t one to pry.

“I told my brother that you moved in,” Dean said.

“How did he take it?”

Dean shrugged. Sammy had been shocked, especially because apparently he _did_ know who Castiel Novak was. His films might not have been that unknown. Mostly, Sam had worried that Dean was letting a stranger into his home. “He thought it was unusual, but he understood.”

“It is unusual,” Castiel said, staring at Dean. “And yet I like it.”

“Sam’s still coming for spring break next month,” Dean said. “He wants to meet you. In person.”

Castiel raised his eyebrows. “He’s seen my films?”

“Most of them.” Dean nodded.

“Interesting.”

“Am I ever going to get to see them?” Dean asked.

Castiel gaped at him for a moment. “I wouldn’t stop you. Whatever I put out there is bound to be found by anyone.” He frowned, lowering his eyes back to his plate.

“But would you _want_ me to see them?” Dean asked.

“That is not something I know yet,” Castiel confessed, taking another bite of the toast.

Dean chuckled. “That’s alright. I get it. Sometimes I get weird about my movies too.”

“I am not _weird_ about them, Dean. I’m just not sure you would like them.” Castiel pulled on his shirt sleeves, hiding his hands in them.

“Let me be the judge,” Dean said, sipping his coffee again. “Anyway, if you don’t want me to see them now, I won’t.”

Castiel smiled, exhaling.

“What about you, Cas? Do you have any brothers?” Dean asked. “The first night I brought you here, you said something about that.”

“I have three,” Castiel said. “I don’t see them much. One of them lives here.”

“He does?” Dean asked, perking up. Maybe they could add a visit to Castiel’s brother onto their day. “Do you want to see him?”

“I do not,” Castiel said, pursing his lips. He lowered his legs from the chair and looked away.

“Oh, alright then. We can skip the family reunion.” Dean looked at Castiel, hoping he would talk to him more. Why did it seem like Castiel was keeping so much inside? Well, whatever it was, Dean was not going to push for answers. Some people liked their privacy, and Dean had known that about Castiel from the start. He would respect that.

“This French toast was great,” Castiel said, facing Dean. “Thank you.”

“Don’t mention it,” Dean said, grinning.

“I’ll go get dressed so we can go.” Castiel picked up both of their plates and took them to the sink before heading to his bedroom.

Dean thought about how much different they both were from their characters. Whenever Castiel played Jimmy, there was a light in his eyes. Something that moved Dean to be playful and blunt. That was what made their scenes so easy to do. They were different people, who loved to be in each other’s presence.

Not that Dean didn’t want to be around Castiel. He did. He absolutely did. The man was a delightful companion. But there was always that wall Castiel put up around him, keeping him at bay. It was gone whenever he played Jimmy, but it reappeared when they were alone.

_Cas, what is it with you? I live with you. I work with you. I’ve spent this past week with you. But I can’t stop thinking about you._

_I can’t stop trying to figure you out._

 

*******

 

“Venice beach is something of a wonder,” Dean said, strolling the sandy sidewalk beside Cas.

It was a sunny day, but it wasn’t hot. The weather was beautiful. There was no place better to be than the beach. And nothing said “Welcome to L.A.” better than Venice beach. A place where you could find green doctors selling you medical marijuana left and right. And a few feet away, a man dressed in a Spider-Man costume, climbing up a palm tree for no obvious reason. Yeah, this was great.

Best of all, Castiel was impressed with the crazy beach. He pointed out things in wonder. They kept stopping at every shop, looking at the creative souvenirs. In one shop, Dean tried on too many sunglasses that the girl at the counter started giving him funny looks. He ended up buying a pair for him and another one for Cas. They were now both wearing them. Dean smiled at the way the sun reflected in Castiel’s sunglasses. Definitely worth the purchase.

“I will never tire of looking at the palm trees,” Castiel said.

“They’re everywhere,” Dean said.

“It’s amazing.”

“I’m glad you find nature amazing,” Dean said.

Castiel turned to him. “Don’t you?”

“Well, it’s nature, you know. It’s there. It’s always been there.”

Castiel stopped walking, pulling his shades up to his head. “No, it hasn’t.”

“Yes, it has,” Dean said, trying not to laugh at the way Castiel squinted at him. It was mostly because of the sun, and partly because of his determination in their argument, but it was still endearing as hell. “Okay, I’m listening,” Dean said, humoring him.

“Well,” Castiel said, folding his arms. “Evolution has proven that the world is continuously changing. The past shows us concrete proof that we’ve had different eras, different ecosystems, different organisms. What we have now could be gone today, tomorrow, or in a hundred years. Doesn’t that make you enjoy what you have now?”

Dean snorted. “I didn’t have a science lesson planned, but hey, I’ll take it.”

“Dean.” The way Castiel said “Dean” whenever he was tired of his shit was also endearing as hell, but Dean tried his best not to smile. They were in the midst of a fight.

“I’m serious, this has been very educational.”

Castiel raised his eyebrows, and then put his sunglasses back on. “I will not be mocked.” He walked ahead of Dean, and Dean hurried to catch up to him, masking his features. If Cas noticed how giddy this whole argument was making Dean, he would strangle him.

“Stop,” Dean said, clapping Castiel’s shoulder.

“What?” Castiel turned to him.

“In all your anger, you almost missed the best place here,” Dean said, stepping behind Castiel to guide him by his shoulders into the bookstore.

Castiel turned his head to grin widely at Dean. “You are forgiven.”

“I know.”

As soon as they stepped in, Dean breathed in the air conditioning. It wasn’t needed, but it sure felt good. They removed their sunglasses, and Castiel gave his pair to Dean to hold while he browsed the books.

Dean wasn’t an avid reader, but he did occasionally venture into horror novels. Despite what many critics might have said, Stephen King still ruled the horror genre. Dean was slowly making his way through his novels. It was a personal goal he hoped to reach someday. He’d only gotten through seven out of the fifty-four fiction novels he currently has published, not counting whatever else the man might put out there in the future.

After picking out _Doctor Sleep,_ Dean went to find Castiel on a different aisle. Cas was holding a theology book in one hand.

“A man of faith?” Dean asked. “What happened to all of that evolution talk outside?”

Castiel glanced up. “I’m open-minded.”

“Very cool,” Dean said, meaning it. That was a little more information Castiel had provided about himself. They were already making progress.

“Stephen King?” Castiel asked, looking at Dean’s book.

“Don’t tell me you have a problem with Mr. King,” Dean said, waving his floppy paperback in the air.

Castiel’s lips twitched up. “I have a problem with you only getting one of his books. Come on, I’ll help you pick out another one.”

They walked out of the store with three Stephen King books, and Castiel’s theology book.

“Thanks for the book recs,” Dean said.

“I’m used to it.”

“How? Do you work at a bookstore?”

“Yes.”

Dean stopped walking. “But you’re an actor.”

“An actor can’t own a bookstore?” Castiel challenged.

That was a big dump of information Dean hadn’t been expecting. Castiel was a business owner? Hot damn. What couldn’t the man do? Fly a rocket ship? He probably could, though.

“Where is your bookstore?” Dean asked.

“Back home,” Castiel said. “In Lawrence.”

Dean nodded. “Makes sense. You must really like it there, huh?”

“It’s home,” Castiel said simply.

“Home,” Dean repeated.

“That doesn’t translate to me not liking your hometown,” Castiel said. “What I’ve seen of the city so far has been lovely.”

“Of course,” Dean said, rubbing the back of his neck. “Listen, we really have a lot to do today. We should get going.”

“Lead the way, sir,” Castiel said, bowing his head in a playful manner.

Dean played along. “Follow me, good fellow.”

 

*******

 

The moment they arrived, Dean second-guessed his choice. Bringing Castiel to the Los Angeles zoo probably wasn’t the greatest idea. But Dean had gone with his gut, and instead of shoving the Hollywood side of California to Cas, he wanted to ease him into it. He wanted to show him that this state could be just as homey as Kansas.

Castiel stood beside Dean at the entrance of the zoo, staring up at the sign.

“This is a zoo, Dean,” he said.

“I know.” Dean winced. “We don’t have to go in if you don’t want to. We can go anywhere else.”

“No,” Cas said, holding Dean’s forearm before he moved away. A wide grin shaped his lips. “This is perfect.”

“Yeah?” Dean stepped closer, feeling like he’d won a tiny victory by earning that look of happiness in Castiel’s eyes.

“I believe you know me better than the majority of people in my life,” Castiel said.

Dean shrugged. “I pay attention.”

“Apparently so.” Castiel squeezed Dean’s forearm before letting go. “Come with me inside.”

Dean trailed with excitement behind Castiel.

First they went to see the monkeys. They were Castiel’s favorite. Dean was eating popcorn from the large bag they were sharing.

“Cas, do you like monkeys because of the whole evolution thing?” Dean wondered.

“No, Dean, I like monkeys because they are monkeys.” Castiel grabbed a handful of popcorn, beating Dean to his next portion.

“Okay, sure. That explains everything.” Dean rolled his eyes.

“There is no need to analyze everything I say,” Cas said. “I’ve been known to say a lot of false things in the past. For example, you are not a cheap actor. I also didn’t think _Supernaturally_ was bad. It lacked in depth, but your ability to portray emotion made up for it. I admire your realistic way of crying.”

“It never stops being weird when people critique my acting, man.” Dean shook his head. “Now I really wish I’d seen your movies.”

“Eventually, I’m certain you will,” Castiel said. “You don’t have much self restraint.”

“I do, too,” Dean grumbled. “Asshole.”

Castiel laughed. “You are not the only one paying attention.”

When they stopped to see the polar bears, stepping close to the clear glass and gazing into the water, Dean heard the whispers. A few teen girls off to the side were conspicuously murmuring back and forth to each other while staring at him. That part never stopped being awkward. They clearly recognized him, but they weren’t approaching him, yet. No, first they had to have a very obvious conversation about him within hearing reach.

Castiel seemed aware of the situation, too. He started moving away.

“Dean Winchester,” one of the girls said, materializing in front of him. “It really is you. Oh my God. I love you.”

Dean didn’t think people realized how odd it was to say “I love you” to complete strangers, even if they were actors. But he was used to it by now.

He liked his fans. He really did. But he also understood why Castiel wanted no part of the fame. Not that Dean had much fame, anyway. _Supernaturally_ was more a cult film.

“Hey, girls,” Dean said, looking over his shoulder to find Cas amongst the crowd. He had moved over to see the penguins. “Sure, I’ll take some pictures,” he told them when they held out their phones.

By the end, Dean had signed both of the girls’ shirts, phone cases, and shoulders. He’d taken and retaken selfies with them, too. And in the end, it was fun. He joked with them and talked about their favorite scenes in the movie. They also asked about _Coffee Dates_. Neither of them seemed aware of Castiel, just a few feet from them. There weren’t any posters about the movie up yet, so he wasn’t surprised. He just hoped Castiel wouldn’t be put into a situation similar to Dean’s in the future.

Dean wasn’t bothered by fame, not really. Dean was bothered by the weight of his image and the influence he might have on others. On teens, for instance. Because contrary to popular belief, teens were incredibly smart people, and as cheesy as it sounded, they followed their hearts. That was something most adults grew out of. Dean valued their judgment more than anything. He wasn’t aiming to be a role model, but he didn’t want to wreck his image either.

He found Castiel admiring the penguins. He was still eating the popcorn.

“That was something,” Dean said, leaning on the bar.

“I understand, Dean.” Castiel turned to him, his eyes glinting in the sun. He’d given up on wearing his sunglasses. “You’re an actor.”

“So are you,” Dean said.

“Actors are all different,” Castiel said, walking away before Dean could respond.

The alpacas were adorable shits, so they watched them for long periods of time. Dean stopped eating popcorn so that the poor things wouldn’t get cravings. If he couldn’t feed the alpacas, he shouldn’t give them the temptation.

Castiel got tired of standing and went to sit at a bench. Dean joined him after another while of watching the alpacas.

“Are you having a good time?” Dean asked.

“It’s been excellent,” Castiel said. “I was just thinking about what I would be doing now if it weren’t for you. Considering how little I know of the city, I would have stayed in my hotel room watching television.”

“I’d probably be doing the same thing in my apartment if you weren’t around,” Dean said, and slumped his shoulders. “We kind of stop being losers when we’re together.”

“That’s right,” Cas said, smiling.

Dean patted Castiel’s shoulder. “Let’s go see the reptiles before we leave. We still have someplace else to go.”

“Another?”

“Yes and this one is my personal favorite.” Dean rose from the bench and held out a hand to haul Castiel to his feet. Castiel took his hand and allowed Dean to pull him up.

“Dean, you spoil me.”

“Well, hell, if I don’t then who will?”

“That is a good point,” Castiel said.

They walked side by side through the zoo for another hour. It was easy and natural being with Castiel. It had never been this simple being friends with someone before.

Cas brought out the best of every day.

 

*******

 

At Entering the Roadhouse, Castiel stepped closer to Dean. The loud music threw him off kilter, and he turned to Dean for guidance.

“Follow me,” Dean said, grabbing Castiel’s forearm and pulling him through the crowds.

Dean found his favorite redhead at a booth table, and he waited until Castiel slipped in across from her before he followed.

“Dean!” Charlie said, sitting up. She was drinking a beer.

“Do you know her?” Castiel whispered, leaning closer on the seat. “I thought we’d just stolen her table.”

Dean laughed. “Charlie, this is Cas. He’s one of my co-stars on _Coffee Dates_.”

“Any buddy of Dean’s is my buddy,” Charlie said, shaking his hand. “You want a beer, Cas?”

Castiel nodded. “That would be fine.”

“Have you seen Jo?” Dean wondered, glancing around the place.

“She’s on her way,” Charlie said, getting up from the table. “Got stuck in traffic.” She pointed to Dean. “Beer?”

“Yeah, sure.” Dean smiled.

“Do you find this environment enjoyable?” Castiel asked, gazing into his eyes. He was genuinely curious.

“Don’t you?” Dean asked.

“I don’t frequent bars,” Castiel confessed.

“This isn’t just a bar,” Dean said, raising his eyebrows. “It’s a club.”

Castiel sank into his seat. “I don’t understand how that makes it better.”

“When you mix alcohol and dancing, you get a whole lot of entertainment,” Dean said. The things he’d seen at the Roadhouse were worthy of filming.

Charlie reappeared with two beers and took her place back at the table. “You weren’t here last weekend,” she told Cas.

“I was in Kansas,” Castiel said. “Dean mentioned that the cast had a get-together.”

“Crazy people sober and even crazier drunk,” Charlie said. “Why didn’t you invite them over, Dean?”

“I didn’t think of it,” Dean said. “I wanted to show Cas around. I told you he’s my new roommate, didn’t I?”

Charlie grinned, shaking her shoulders to the upbeat music. “I’m shocked Cas didn’t peg you for a serial killer. Have you seen his room? It looks like a tornado passed through it, right after an earthquake shook everything down.”

Dean rolled his eyes. “So my room is messy. Big deal.”

“I have not had occasion to see Dean’s bedroom.” Castiel took a sip of his beer.

“Well, if you do, take a GPS, or you’ll never find your way back out.”

Dean narrowed his eyes at Charlie. She smiled at him.

Cas glanced at Dean. “I would be happy to help you clean up you bedroom.”

“It’s really not that bad!”

“My offer still stands,” he said.

Dean grabbed his beer and chugged half of it down, grumbling.

A few moments later, Jo arrived, taking the empty seat next to Charlie and drinking the rest of her beer. “Thanks,” she said, wiping her lips with the back of her hand.

“Took you long enough,” Dean told her. “Charlie was ganging up on me.”

“Oh, please,” Charlie said.

Jo was running her fingers through her blonde, wavy hair. Her cheeks were flushed. “I was stuck in traffic.”

“I didn’t know there was so much traffic at night,” Dean said, raising an eyebrow. He locked eyes with Jo and moved his gaze a few inches down. Jo looked at her chest, too, and quickly fixed her top two shirt buttons. “That traffic must have been a bitch to get through.”

Jo smirked. “It was worth it.”

Castiel cleared his throat. “I hate to interrupt your bizarre conversation, but Dean didn’t introduce us. My name is Castiel.”

Jo stared at him, tilting her head. “What a unique name. Has anyone told you what pretty eyes you have?” She leaned over and grabbed Cas’s chin and touched the crack in it with her thumb. “You’re so beautiful.”

“That’s enough,” Dean said, pushing Jo back to her side of the table. “Hands off my new friend. You’re going to scare him off.”

Castiel smiled. “It’s alright.”

Jo winked at him. “I’m going to get us more beer. Stay put, you guys.”

As soon as she was gone, Dean and Charlie laughed.

“Oh, my God, she was screwing Danny!” Charlie said.

“Traffic, my ass.” Dean placed an arm on the seat behind Cas’s head, and glanced over his shoulder. Jo was dancing while she waited for the beers. He looked at Cas, who kept sipping his beer, keeping to himself. “These are some of my best friends,” he told him. “I grew up with Jo, and I met Charlie about five years ago at Comic-Con. Yeah, I’m not kidding.”

“He was dressed as Batman,” Charlie said. “Had the mask and cape and everything. I fell in love almost instantly.”

Dean nodded. “She just couldn’t resist my fake abs.”

“Last year he dressed at Prince Robot IV from _Saga_. I went as The Stalk.”

Castiel blinked. “There is an entire other world out there, isn’t there?”

“Don’t worry, Cas. I’ll show you everything you need to know,” Dean promised. He touched Castiel’s shoulder. They were comfortable enough with each other that occasional physical contact wasn’t only welcome, but it was reassuring.

Jo was back with the beers, and soon later, the lights dimmed down. A fog machine hidden somewhere kicked up, filling up the room with smoke. A set of colorful lights flashed wildly. And then music overpowered the entire room. The wide dance floor was empty, but not for long. People started coming up, one by one, or two by two, and the dancing began.

Dean sat back, letting his arm wrap around Castiel’s shoulders as they watched the drunks on the dance floor. The pop music playing was not the type Dean listened to for pleasure, but it was great for dancing.

“Dance with me,” Jo told Charlie. Without a thought, Charlie grabbed Jo’s hand and they joined the sweaty dancers.

Castiel laughed at Dean’s side at the way Jo and Charlie started slow dancing to the electric slide. “Dean, your friends are great.”

“I know.” Dean turned to Cas and noticed his leg was bouncing under the table. He wanted to dance. And Dean, being a true gentleman, stood up. He held out a hand to Cas, waiting.

“What are you doing?” Castiel asked, eyes widening.

“Asking you to dance, what does it look like?”

“Now?”

“Why not?”

Castiel opened his mouth, but nothing else came out. He was out of excuses. Then he put his hand in Dean’s and Dean smoothly brought him to his feet.

Maroon 5’s songs blasted off the speakers. Dean laughed. For years he had claimed to hate Maroon 5, but he was going to dance with Castiel, whether it’d be with good music or not. Dean held both of Castiel’s hands as they moved their bodies to the beat of the song. Castiel’s eyes were fixed on his feet.

The song was not as bad as Dean had assumed something by a popular band would be. He wanted to keep dancing, but he wished Cas would look at him.

Dean let go of one of Cas’s hands and wrapped an arm around his waist, drawing him closer. He whispered in his ear, “You won’t step on me, and if you do, I don’t mind.”

Castiel glanced up at him, hesitating. And then he allowed himself to keep dancing without staring at his feet again. Dean smiled when Cas gazed at him instead.

“There we go,” Dean said. “Keep moving.” The hand snaked around Castiel’s waist gripped him harder, and it registered every movement.

“I’m not a dancer,” Castiel whispered in his ear.

“You’re doing fine.”

Castiel’s hand clung to Dean’s shoulder. “Am I?”

“You’re the best I’ve had,” Dean whispered back.

Jo and Charlie appeared beside them. Dean pulled away from Cas, and then accepted Charlie’s hand to dance. He turned to see that Cas was dancing with Jo, again just looking at his feet. He decided he would let them be and turned to Charlie.

“Cas is sweet,” Charlie told him.

“He’s an amazing actor,” Dean said.

“Jo thinks he’s gay,” Charlie said.

“He hasn’t mentioned it.” Honestly, Dean was indifferent to sexual orientation. Although he did admit that now he was curious about whether or not Castiel had someone special in Kansas. Maybe that was one of the subjects Castiel would prefer keeping private.

Still, it would be nice to know.

“No, Dean, I will not kiss you!” Charlie said suddenly, loud enough for people nearby to hear above the music. “Okay, I guess just one peck on the cheek.”

Dean laughed as Charlie held his face in her hands and planted a big one on his cheekbone. She wiped the residue of her lipstick with her hand.

They continued dancing well into the night. When it was time to go home, Dean and Cas got in the Impala. Dean started the engine. He messed with the stereo until he found _The Rain Song._ It grabbed Castiel’s attention.

“My favorite song,” he said. He leaned against the seat, and his eyes fluttered until they were closed.

“Are you falling asleep again?” Dean muttered.

“Shhh. Listen.”

Dean leaned back on the seat, mimicking Castiel.

_It is the summer of my smiles. Flee from me, the keepers of the gloom._

Dean turned to Cas and saw his smile.

Jo was right.

Castiel was beautiful.


	4. A Taste of Fame

On their second week of shooting, Dean was getting his makeup done while Cas waited beside him for his turn. Ash was great at his job, so much that Dean didn’t even flinch when the brush got near his face. Ash was quick and he worked miracles.

“The trick is hiding your blemishes without hiding your freckles,” Ash told him.

“I have no blemishes,” Dean replied.

Ash gave him a knowing look that shut Dean up.

Castiel looked away, hiding a smile.

“Thanks for having my back, man,” Dean mumbled.

“Dean, your imperfections are what make you who you are,” Castiel said, smiling crookedly. “For whatever is worth, I quite like them.”

Dean chewed off a grin. Yeah, okay, Castiel did have his back after all.

“Now stay still or I’ll never finish,” Ash said, angling Dean’s face toward him. He narrowed his eyes. “Blemishes or not, you’re still handsome as heck, and I don’t even swing that way.”

Dean winked. “Well, isn’t that something.”

“He says the same to me,” Castiel said, flipping through a magazine.

Dean gaped at Ash, who simply shrugged.

The door flew open, and Bela came waltzing in along with Cassie, who played Bela’s best friend in the movie. The two of them took the couch in the room, greeting both Dean and Cas.

“How’s it going?” Dean asked.

“Don’t mind us, babe,” Bela said. “We’re just waiting our turn.”

“Have either of you seen Kevin?” Cassie asked.

Castiel shook his head. “We were supposed to have lunch today. He must he around somewhere.”

“I thought we were having lunch,” Dean said. They always had lunch together. They basically had every meal together. It was their thing.

“You can join us,” Cas said. “I’ll go search for him.”

“What about your makeup?” Ash asked, stopping him.

“Let the ladies go first,” Cas said. “I will be right back.”

Dean watched him go. He was equally glad and disappointed that Castiel had been getting along with the rest of the cast. He was glad because Cas was feeling comfortable around them and people realized how great he was. He was disappointed because now Cas wasn’t just _his_ friend.

Their first week on set, they’d been inseparable. Now, Cas had made lunch plans without Dean. It was completely absurd, but Dean felt a small sting anyway.

“You’re all set, you stud,” Ash said, taking a step back to take in his creation. “Gorgeous.”

Dean snorted. “I know.”

Bela and Cassie laughed.

Bela took Dean’s seat when he got up. She looked at him in the reflection of the mirror. “So, Dean, all of us are going to a party this weekend. Do you and Cas want to come along?”

“Who’s throwing the party?”

“Paul Rudd,” Cassie said.

“ _The_ Paul Rudd?” Dean asked, gazing from Bela to Cassie. Paul Rudd made the comedy genre about ten times better. And now he had the chance to go to one of his parties?

“He’s a friend of ours,” Bela said.

“We talked to Emma yesterday and she’ll be there,” Cassie said. “We just had to ask the boys.”

“Are you going?” Bela asked, lifting up her chin when Ash asked her to.

“Hell, yeah, I’m going,” Dean said. “And I’ll talk to Cas. I’m sure he’ll go if I ask him.”

Bela smirked. “I heard you had some fun with Novak last weekend. Without us.”

“We invite you to a party and you can’t invite us to the zoo?” Cassie asked, placing a hand to her chest and wiping an invisible tear from her eye.

Bela burst out laughing. Ash had to stop his work, which did not make him happy.

“How did you know we went to the zoo?”

“We saw the pictures online,” Cassie said.

“The pictures I took with my fans?” Dean wondered.

“Yeah, those and some other ones,” Bela said. “Someone must have taken them and sold them to the website.”

Dean ran a hand through his head. “Was Cas in all of them?”

“Pretty much,” Cassie said.

“Oh, God, I hope he doesn’t see them,” Dean said, horrified. This was the exact opposite Cas had wanted. Dean knew those pictures had been taken because of him. It was his fault that Cas was getting his candid photographs posted to some celebrity news website. When Cas realized that this was Dean’s fault, he would never want to go out in public with him again.

“But will you ask him about the party?” Bela asked, turning once again from Ash, interrupting his work.

Dean nodded absently. “I gotta go.”

“See you on set,” Cassie called.

Dean only heard his pulse in his ears as he rushed to find Castiel.

 

*******

 

After going around the entire set, Dean received three text messages from Cas.

_> >>I am with Kevin in his trailer. We’re playing a violent video game._

_> >>Apparently he is beating me._

_> >>Or as he eloquently puts it, he is kicking my ass._

Dean sighed, typing out a quick reply.

_< <<B right there. dont go anywhere. I hav 2 talk to u._

While Dean rushed to Kevin’s trailer. While he walked, he received another text from Cas.

_> >>This sounds serious. Is something wrong?_

_< <<I’ll explain everything when I see U, ok?_

_> >>Okay, Dean. I’ll just wait here then._

Just as Castiel had said, he and Kevin were playing a video game. Dean stood in front of them, crossing his arms as he watched the screen.

“Hello, Dean,” Castiel said, keeping his eyes on the game.

“Dean, why didn’t you bring us coffee?” Kevin asked.

“Because I’m not your bitch,” Dean said. “What the hell are you playing?”

“Grand Theft Auto,” Kevin provided. “Cas just killed a pedestrian for no good reason.”

“I did,” Castiel said, nonchalantly.

Dean rolled his eyes. “Kev, don’t you have to go see Ash for makeup? You’re not even dressed yet.”

“Relax, Dean,” Kevin said. “I have one short scene today.” Kevin played Bela’s adopted brother. His character was funny, but mostly a nuisance when it came to the romance plot line. He was the biggest cock-block to ever live.

“Well, Cas has many scenes today, and he’s supposed to be ready now,” Dean said. “Cas?”

Castiel pressed a bunch of buttons on his controller and then cursed under his breath. “Almost made it out alive.”

Kevin patted his shoulder. “Better luck next time.”

Castiel handed Kevin back the controller. “I will see you later for lunch.” He stood up. “Dean is joining us.”

“Sweet,” Kevin said, holding out his fist for Cas.

Castiel stared at it for a moment before leaning closer with his fist and bumping him. “I hope you’re aware that I’m in my thirties.”

 “Just makes you more the wiser,” Kevin said, starting up a new game.

“By the way,” Dean said, halting by the door. “Bela and Cassie invited us all to Paul Rudd’s party this weekend. Paul-fucking-Rudd.”

“That’s wild!” Kevin said.

Dean glanced at Cas. “You want to come?”

“With you?” Cas asked. “Sure.”

“I’ll be there, too,” Kevin said, getting back to his game.

Dean and Cas walked out of the trailer and into the hot morning sun. He avoided looking Cas directly in the eye. The guy could read him so easily it was embarrassing.

“Dean, what were you trying to tell me?” Castiel wondered as they walked toward Dean’s trailer.

“I think you should to get your hair and makeup done first,” Dean said. He was thankful for the reasonable excuse to stall the subject a little longer.

“I thought—”

“Go see Ash and then come to my trailer,” Dean said. “But hurry. We have to be on the location soon.”

Cas smiled. “Today you’re filming your first kissing scene with Bela. Are you nervous?”

“I am now,” Dean said, eyes widening. He hadn’t even thought about it. He had to kiss Bela. What if he screwed it up? What if he used tongue? That would be unprofessional. “Thanks for reminding me. Bastard.”

“I’m certain you will do fine,” Castiel said, clapping his shoulder. “You seem like a good kisser.”

Dean narrowed his eyes. “How did you come to that conclusion, Cas?”

“From seeing your last film.” Castiel shrugged. “It was hard to miss the way you kissed Eva Longoria.”

Dean grinned. “That _was_ fun.”

Castiel snorted. “I’ll meet you at your trailer shortly. I want to hear what you have to say.”

“No rush,” Dean said, his grin faltering.

Castiel gazed at him for a moment in silence, blue eyes confused as they locked with Dean’s. Neither of them broke the silence.

And then Cas walked away.

 

*******

 

Castiel entered Dean’s trailer without knocking. Dean was reading over his script, going over his lines. He wasn’t fretting the kiss as much as he was telling Cas about the online article he was featured in.

Dean looked up and took in the way Cas looked when he was dressed as Jimmy. His clothes were always casual, and his hair was tamed rather than spiked and messy. Dean wasn’t sure which way he preferred Castiel’s hair. And then he realized he shouldn’t really care about any of this. _What the fuck?_

“We have enough time before we need to leave,” Castiel said, sitting close beside Dean.

Dean sighed before he opened his laptop and typed up his own name on a Google search. He clicked on the most recently created article about him. And then he offered Castiel the laptop, leaving him to read over it.

Castiel furrowed his brow as he read the article. He frowned when he saw the pictures. They weren’t doing anything extraordinary, which made it even more ridiculous that there was an article in the first place. The article only went as far as to talk about their movie in the making. All things considered, it didn’t get very personal. Still, this was Castiel, the reclusive actor who hated invasions of privacy. It wouldn’t be long before he realized this was Dean’s fault.

When he finished reading, he closed the laptop and returned it to Dean.

“Well?” Dean asked, bouncing his leg up and down.

Castiel exhaled. “That’s highly unfortunate.”

Dean turned to him, blinking. “Don’t be mad at me.”

“Why would I be mad at you?” Castiel asked, facing him. “You did nothing wrong.”

“Cas, I can’t promise you that this won’t happen again. There’s always going to be that risk. And I’ll understand if you don’t want to hang out in public with me anymore.” Dean shrugged. “It’s going to suck, but I’ll get over it.”

“You idiot,” Castiel said. “Do you really think I will stop being your friend because of this? I don’t like it, but I will digress. Being unable to be with you in public would be far worse. Besides, no one is really interested in reading about me. You’re the center of attention. I want to keep it that way.”

“Now you’re making me feel bad,” Dean said. “Again.”

Castiel swatted Dean’s cheek softly. “Stop being an idiot, Dean. I’m not going to die because pictures of me ended up online. Some of my films are more explicit.”

Dean raised an eyebrow, removing Castiel’s hand from his face. He gave his hand a squeeze before putting back on his lap. “I’m going to have to see these movies now, especially if you’re _naked_. Was it full frontal?”

“Pervert.”

“Castiel Novak, are you a porn star?”

Castiel threw his head back in laughter. “Hardly.”

“You gotta give me something,” Dean said.

“I’d much rather not.” Castiel rose from his seat.

Dean stared him up and down. Castiel had gotten naked in front of a camera. What had he shown on film? What had he been doing? “I can’t stop picturing it.”

“We have a film to shoot,” Cas said. “I refuse to be late.”

Dean sighed, getting to his feet. “You ruined it.”

Castiel held open the door. “After you.”

“Was it a sex scene? Who did you shoot it with?” Dean asked, stepping outside.

Castiel tackled Dean from behind, jumping on his back. He wrapped both legs around Dean’s waist and covered Dean’s mouth with his hands. “Dean, shut up.”

Dean tried to wrestle him off, but Castiel was clinging on tightly.

“Will you shut up about this if I show you my films?” Castiel asked.

Dean nodded. He couldn’t talk with Castiel’s hands blocking his lips.

“Thank you.” Castiel finally jumped down, and he stood in front of Dean, smoothening his shirt. “Tomorrow, when we get home, I will show you.”

Dean cracked his back. “I didn’t know you were a fucking ninja.”

“I had the element of surprise,” Castiel said.

“That’s right. I would have defended myself if you hadn’t come at me from behind.”

“I’m sure you would.”

“I’m serious.”

“I know you are, Dean.”


	5. Dwelling on the Past

**INT. MICHAEL’S COFFEE HOUSE – AFTERNOON.**

_The coffee house is busy. JESSIE and MICHAEL are working hard to get all of the orders done fast. They have a good rhythm going. JIMMY sits at a table in a corner, pretending he’s reading the paper. LESLIE walks in, ready for her date with MICHAEL. She gets in line to order._

_JIMMY sees her and approaches her, rather suavely._

 

**JIMMY**

              You must be the girl who hates coffee.

 

**LESLIE**

  Do I know you?

 

**JIMMY**

              I’m James Flinn. I’m sort of Michael’s babysitter.

 

**LESLIE**

              Oh, well, my name’s Leslie. Mike told me to meet him here at five,

but he looks pretty busy. I’m thinking maybe I’ll come back later.

 

**JIMMY**

              No you won’t. Follow me. I’ll take you to your table.

 

_JIMMY ushers LESLIE to the staircase leading to MICHAEL's apartment. Hesitantly, LESLIE follows, looking over her shoulder at MICHAEL, who looks terribly sorry he can’t immediately get away from work._

 

**LESLIE**

              Mike told me a lot about you.

_JIMMY turns around and smiles._

 

**JIMMY**

              Of course he did. It’s only reasonable. He loves me.

 

_LESLIE laughs. Hard._

 

**JIMMY**

              Laugh all you want. Our love is as boundless as

the universe.

 

**LESLIE**

              He mentioned your analogies.

 

**JIMMY**

              You do know you’ll have to come to me in the

future to ask for Mike’s hand, don’t you?

          It would be in your best interest to get on my good side.

 

_JIMMY stops once he reaches the door to MICHAEL's place. He gives LESLIE the “I’m watching you” warning sign. LESLIE looks serious. She might be a little scared_.

 

**JIMMY**

Not that Mike has mentioned marriage yet.

Don’t tell him we had this conversation. (stepping closer) Or else.

 

**LESLIE**

              Or else I’ll be sleeping with the fishes?

 

**JIMMY**

              That one’s a little cliché, but your effort is noted.

 

_JIMMY grins, opening the door for her. We hear a gasp from LESLIE._

 

Fade to:

 

**INT. MICHAEL’S APARTMENT – AFTERNOON.**

_As LESLIE steps into the room, we see a beautiful table, decorated with rose petals and candles. Among the rose petals there are sprinkled coffee beans. Two coffee mugs rest together. A very elaborate setup for their first coffee date._

 

**LESLIE**

              This is amazing. He did all this?

 

**JIMMY**

              The rose petals were my idea.

 

_LESLIE smiles at JIMMY before heading closer to the table. She takes in the apartment._

 

**MICHAEL**

(O.S.)

   You're here.

 

_PAN TO: MICHAEL as he stands nervously beside JIMMY, holding his rumpled apron in his hands. LESLIE and MICHAEL lock eyes for a moment, then JIMMY clears his throat._

 

**JIMMY**

    I should probably go.

 

**MICHAEL**

(whispering to Jimmy)

              The coffee’s ready in the kitchen?

 

_JIMMY nods._

 

**MICHAEL**

(whispering)

              I owe you, man. Thanks.

 

_JIMMY takes off. MICHAEL and LESLIE greet each other like friendly acquaintances. They’re both nervous._

 

**MICHAEL**

              You want to sit down?

 

**LESLIE**

              Sure. I can’t believe I’m excited to drink

coffee. You said it won’t be bitter, right?

 

**MICHAEL**

Of course not.

 

_Before MICHAEL tries to pull out a chair for her, LESLIE takes her seat. MICHAEL sits across from her. When he finally notices he’s still gripping his apron, he throws it to the couch, only to have it land on the ground._

 

**MICHAEL**

              Crap. There goes my chance to be slightly smooth.

 

**LESLIE**

(laughing)

       Oh, you’re doing fine.

 

**MICHAEL**

              So, let’s try my special blend of coffee,

shall we?

 

**LESLIE**

              You should know that I’m probably not going to be

changing my mind about coffee.

 

**MICHAEL**

              That’s fine. As long as you give it a chance.

 

**LESLIE**

     I’m glad I did.

 

_MICHAEL heads into the kitchen and brings out the coffee jug. He pours coffee into both of their mugs and takes his seat again. Leslie brings the mug close and sniffs it._

 

**MICHAEL**

              We’re starting off easy. This is French vanilla.

 

**LESLIE**

              I do like vanilla. Okay. I’ll go first.

 

_LESLIE takes a careful sip from her mug while MICHAEL watches, holding off on his mug. She’s quiet. Finally, she wrinkles her nose._

 

**MICHAEL**

   Was it that bad?

 

**LESLIE**

       It tastes like coffee!

 

**MICHAEL**

    But it’s sweet!

 

**LESLIE**

Not entirely!

 

**MICHAEL**

     Why are we yelling!

 

_They both stare at each other and laugh. MICHAEL takes a sip, clearly delighted._

 

**LESLIE**

              So, where did you grow up?

 

**MICHAEL**

I'm from Austin, actually.

 

**LESLIE**

Tell me more.

 

_Then, we see a montage of the rest of their date, in which MICHAEL and LESLIE talk about things not having to do with coffee. Finally, LESLIE laughs at something MICHAEL says, and she leans her elbows closer on the table. She knocks over her mug, still full of coffee._

 

**LESLIE**

Damn it.

 

**MICHAEL**

              It’s okay, Les. Don’t worry about it.

 

_MICHAEL gets up and grabs a towel from the kitchen to clean up the mess. LESLIE yanks the towel from him and continues cleaning up. He looks at her, not too happy._

 

**MICHAEL**

              You’re my guest. Don’t clean up.

 

**LESLIE**

         I have to. Let me.

 

**MICHAEL**

      Les, seriously.

 

**LESLIE**

              Mike, seriously. Let me do this. Your house is

going to stink of coffee all week if I don’t clean this up.

 

**MICHAEL**

              I don’t mind. (He pauses) Do you mind that I

stink of coffee?

 

_LESLIE drops the towel and steps closer to MICHAEL._

 

**LESLIE**

    No. I like it.

 

**MICHAEL**

Yeah?

 

**LESLIE**

              Coffee smells much better on you.

 

_They both take a step forward, and pull into each other's arms. They both indulge in the quiet moment. Then she pulls back enough to meet MICHAEL's eyes. It’s impossible to tell who leans in first for the kiss._

 

Fade to black.

 

*******

 

“CUT!” Bobby yelled.

Dean drew back from Bela’s lips. He wanted this to be good. He knew their scenes had been lacking in the past. He wanted to have the same connection with her character that he did with Castiel’s.

“Nice kiss,” Bela said.

“You were great, too,” Dean told her.

They both turned to Bobby, who was still watching them from his chair.

“Should we run it again?” Dean asked.

“Let’s save it for tomorrow,” Bobby said, leaning his cheek on his hand. He looked defeated, and that was the opposite that Dean was trying to achieve.

“Bobby, wait. What did you think?” Dean asked. Bobby had climbed out of his chair, preparing to leave. Briefly, Dean noticed Castiel. He was standing against the far wall, behind the cameras.

Bobby faced Dean, and then Bela when she joined them. He sighed. “We’ve been filming all day. We’re all tired.”

“We can kiss again,” Bela said.

“The kiss was fine,” Bobby said, yawning. “It was better on the seventh take.”

Dean frowned. “So, what should we work on?”

Bobby stared at both of them. All day long, he’d been telling them where they had been lacking and where they had exceeded his expectations. Now, he didn’t look like he wanted to be in the same room as them.

“Your chemistry, it’s just not showing,” Bobby said, crossing his arms. “I was sure it would. Hell, you did everything I told you to do.”

“I think that might have been my fault,” Bela said, looking apologetically at Dean. “I feel nauseous. I think I caught something.”

“Go see a doctor,” Bobby said, worried. “Take a few days if you need to. Your health is important, Bela.”

Bela nodded. “Thanks, Bobby. I will.”

“Now if you’ll excuse me,” Bobby said, patting both Dean and Bela’s shoulders before taking off.

“Are you okay?” Dean asked Bela.

Placing a hand to her stomach, and the other to her mouth, Bela ran out of the room.

Dean was sympathetic. If she'd felt sick, she should have said something sooner. Castiel stood by his side.

“Hey, you ready to do?” Dean asked. “I don’t think I can stand being here much longer.”

“I thought you did great,” Cas offered.

“I knew it wasn’t my best performance. I’m just not sure how to portray this lovey-dovey character. Maybe it’s because I’m not romantic.”

“Then be romantic,” Castiel said. “It seems logical.”

“There’s no room for romance in my dating life,” Dean said. “One night stands don’t stay long enough for that.”

Castiel rolled his eyes. “Then stop having one night stands. Do you really need me to spell this out for you?”

Dean scoffed. “Yeah, right. I’m not committing to a relationship again. The last one I had ended dramatically. When emotions get involved with sex, it’s a huge mess. I don’t want that anymore.” Dean had been in love with Lisa. He had been ready to pop the question. When he showed her the ring, she told him she was pregnant. Dean had felt a moment of confused joy that ended as soon as she confessed it wasn’t his baby. Lisa had cheated on him with a guy from work. It had been awful, so awful, having to learn all of this on the day that was supposed to be one of the happiest days of his life.

“Dean, please, be a grown up,” Castiel said as they walked together back to their trailers.

“I _am_ being a grown up. A grown up who doesn’t want to fall in love.”

“Then I don’t know how to help you,” Cas said.

Dean sighed. He didn’t know how to help himself either.

 

*******

 

That night, Dean called Sam before going to bed. He sat on the edge of his bed in his pajamas consisting of old sweatpants and an AC/DC t-shirt. The TV was still on in the living room, where Cas was watching some documentary on killer whales.

Dean fell back onto his bed and stared at the ceiling while the phone rang.

“Dean?”

“Hey, Sammy. Hope it’s not too late to be calling you up.”

“It’s nine o’clock,” Sam said. “I’m currently in the middle of two essays. My night’s barely getting started.”

Dean chuckled. “Being successful don’t come easy, kiddo.”

“You know, every time I pull an all-nighter and drink ungodly amounts of coffee, I think of you,” Sam said. “How’s your movie going?”

“God, I’m getting sick of the taste of coffee,” Dean said. “I shot a scene today, and I drank about three cups of coffee. The worst part is I found coffee beans in my pants when I got home.”

Sam laughed. Papers rustled. “I don’t want to ask how those got there. How’s Bela?”

“I think she’s sick,” Dean said. He’d gone to check on her before leaving the set, but she had already gone home. “We had to kiss today, and then she puked.”

“That can’t be good, Dean. You must be losing your charm,” Sam teased.

“It’s not that easy to lose it once you find it,” Dean said, smiling. “Don’t worry, though, you’ll get there someday.”

Sam snorted. “So, besides getting the chance to be a jerk, why did you call? Everything going okay outside of the movie? What’s it like having Castiel Novak as your roommate?”

“Cas is easy to live with,” Dean said, smiling fondly. “I make breakfast, he makes dinner. We watch the same shows. He laughs at my jokes. He’s neat, so the apartment is always spotless. Aside from my room.”

Sam laughed. “That’s not so hard to guess.”

Dean ran a hand through his hair. He swallowed hard. “I’ve been thinking about Mom and Dad. About how it’s been almost four years since...I—I haven’t visited their graves since we buried them.”

There was silence for a while. Dean knew Sam was still there. He knew it was hard for him to talk about this. It wasn’t a walk in the park for Dean either. But he had to get this off his chest. Every year, around this time, both of them went through the painful dwelling of their past. They had lost both of their parents on the same day. A car wreck had ended their lives as they made their way back home from a road trip. It had been an endeavor Mary and John had wanted. Dean and Sam had been invited, but they had both agreed that it would be better if their parents lived this adventure together.

“We could go visit them next time we’re in Kansas,” Sam said.      

“I don’t think I ever want to go there again,” Dean confessed. “I couldn’t stand being there without them.”

“Dean, don’t do this. You keep torturing yourself. You’re not gaining anything by being miserable over something neither of us can change.”

Dean pinched the bridge of his nose. “I don’t know what else to do, Sammy.”

“Move past it,” Sam said. “I’m trying.”

“I am too,” Dean said.

Sam was quiet then. “I’m really looking forward to visiting you. Spring break, remember?”

“Can’t wait,” Dean said. Tears had welled up in his eyes, but sleeping would dry them clear.

“You gonna be okay?”

“I’m always okay.”

“Take care, Dean.”

“Take care, Sammy.”


	6. Getting Sidetracked

At entering his apartment, Dean removed his green jacket and tossed it on the couch. He rubbed his face and went straight to his fridge for a cold beer. A few steps behind, Castiel locked the door.

Today had been a short day on location. Without Bela, there were only a few sets of scenes they could shoot. And after the disastrous day yesterday, Dean felt entirely too self-conscious in front of a camera. He just wanted to drink his problems away.

Dean grunted, stalking past Castiel toward his bedroom. On his path, Cas grabbed Dean’s forearm, halting him.

“I’m real tired, man,” Dean said, sipping his beer. “The sooner I get into my room, the sooner I can shut it all out.”

“Dean, if you need to talk about something that’s bothering you, I’m here,” Cas offered.

“Thanks, but I don’t want to talk about anything,” Dean said, leaning against the wall in the hallway.

Cas frowned, staring into his eyes like he was trying to figure out how to fix him. “I dug up a few DVDs that might interest you. Would you like to see?”

“What DVDs?” Dean asked.

Castiel raised a finger. “Wait here.” He went into his room and a few moments later, he was back, holding up three movies. “These are my movies. I promised you I’d let you see them.”

“Oh my God.” Dean traded his beer for the movies, gaping at the covers that clearly had Castiel’s name in bold. He was starring in all of them. “These look amazing.” He looked at Cas, wide-eyed. “Can we see them now?”

Grinning, Castiel nodded. “Of course. That’s why I brought them out.”

They opted for watching _Patched up Promises_ first. The cover was a close-up of half of Castiel’s face. His visible eye looked especially blue. Dean had been instantly drawn to it. After making popcorn, grabbing more beer, and dimming the lights, they played the movie. Both of them sat huddled up on the couch.

“Is this a romance?” Dean muttered. “Is this the porno one?”

Castiel glanced over at him, just so Dean could see it when he rolled his eyes. “You are impossible.”

“Oh, is it top secret now?”

“It’s a romantic comedy, yes,” Castiel said, reaching for popcorn from the bag in Dean’s lap. “It is not a porno.”

“Did you get naked in it?” Dean wiggled his eyebrows.

Castiel sighed. “If we continue talking we won’t be able to hear the movie.”

“Alright, I’ll shut up.” Dean smiled.

The movie started with Cas going for a morning run. He looked about ten years younger. He had the same stubble, same blue eyes, but his hair—it was blond.

“CASTIEL NOVAK,” Dean raised his voice, moving to the edge of the couch and nearly dropping the popcorn all over his carpet. “You were a blond?”

Castiel shrugged, stealing the popcorn from Dean. “I did it for the role.”

“It’s not a bad look,” Dean said, leaning back down. He studied the man on the screen, the younger version of his friend. In the movie, Cas wore a tight shirt that showed his well-built shape. He had strong arms. His muscles clenched with every movement. At one point, the camera focused on just his legs as he ran, and they were also a great sight.

“I was young then,” Cas said.

“We were all young then,” Dean said.

They were quiet as they continued watching. Castiel’s character was a charming guy. The film followed his life, rather than following a plot. Dean had always loved character-based stories. Usually when it came to big buck films, the makers worried more about how to lure in an audience than how to simply showcase a story. This was an independent film. It had won a Sundance award.

Dean didn’t realize when, but he ended up sprawling on the couch, with his legs on Castiel’s lap. Cas didn’t seem to have noticed when that happened either, but they locked eyes with each other and smiled. The movie went on.

Then suddenly something happened on the screen. Castiel’s character grabbed the other lead in the movie and pulled him in for a passionate kiss. Castiel was kissing another man. Not only that, but he seemed really good at it. Dean couldn’t help but stare and focus on the movement of his lips as they rubbed and sucked on the other guy’s lips.

“That might be the most sensual kiss ever filmed,” Dean said.

“Your kiss with Bela was good as well.” Castiel touched Dean’s knee, comforting him.

“I wasn’t saying it because of that,” Dean said. “That looks like a _really_ good kiss.” He turned his attention back to the movie, and then he had to sit up again. Castiel and the other pretty boy were undressing now, moving from the kitchen to the bedroom. “How dare you say this is not porn?”

“Dean, it isn’t,” Castiel said, catching Dean’s reaction rather than watching himself on the screen.

Dean couldn’t help but look, though. Castiel pulled out of his shirt and threw the other guy on the bed before slowly crawling on top of him, half-naked. The other man undid Castiel’s belt and pulled down his pants, and then there it was. For a split second, all Dean could see was Castiel’s ass. And then the image cut to both of them under the sheets, after the action.

“Well?” Castiel asked.

Dean turned to him, feeling warm in the face. To his surprise and relief, Castiel was also flushing. Neither of them looked back at the movie for a while.

“Dude, I just saw your ass on my TV,” Dean said.

“You insisted on watching my presumed porno,” Castiel said. “Now you must suffer the consequences.” He laughed, and then Dean laughed. “I’m sure the image will disappear from your mind eventually. I should have tanned a little.”

“So, this is a romantic comedy between two men,” Dean stated, stealing back his popcorn and huddling close to Cas once again. Their short tense moment was gladly over.

Castiel inhaled. “Yes, I believe I mentioned to you how popular films don’t have as much diversity. That is why I’ve ventured into independent films in the past. I was proud to have this role. It was much different ten years ago.”

Dean nodded. “No, I know. Believe me. I know.” _Even now, it’s not so easy._

“I’m pansexual, if you’re wondering,” Castiel said, sipping his beer. "Not that it matters. I would have taken the role regardless."

“Oh, cool,” Dean said. He realized in that moment how simple it was to have this conversation with Castiel. They could be open with each other about so many things. One step at a time. “I’m bi.”

Castiel clank his beer to Dean’s. “That is cool, too.”

They sat back and watched the rest of the movie in a comfortable silence, interrupted only by the sound of their bubbling laughter.

“I like that we found each other,” Cas said aloud as the end credits rolled on the screen. “I’m glad that we’re friends.”

“Me too,” Dean agreed, smiling. “But please, consult me before deciding to go blond again.”

Castiel downed the rest of his beer. “And if I first consider dyeing my hair purple?”

Dean narrowed his eyes. “Don’t touch that precious, graying hair without my permission, do you hear me?”

“My hair is most certainly not graying.” Castiel scowled.

“Really?” Dean grabbed Castiel’s head, angling it down so that he could pretend to examine it. “I see so many gray hairs, old man.”

“Dean.” Castiel struggled out of Dean’s hold, and when he was finally released, he punched Dean’s arm. “Assbutt.”

“Oh, I saw all of that assbutt earlier,” Dean said.

Castiel flipped him off, grabbing his things before heading into his room.

“It was very round!” Dean called after him, glancing over the couch.

He heard Castiel’s laughter before he shut the door behind him.

 

*******

 

Paul Rudd had a house the size of Mars, which was to be expected. The man never stopped amazing him. Dean could not shake his nerves as he entered the place and was greeted by loud music and a lively ambiance. He and Cas walked through the multitudes of people crowding the front room until they reached the backyard. There were as many people out here, gathered around the lit up swimming pool.

If there was one thing that could be said about Paul Rudd, it was that he went all out on his parties.

“Where do you think he is?” Dean asked Castiel.

“Considering I am not in love with him, I don’t know,” Cas deadpanned.

Dean scoffed. “I’m not in love with him either. He’s married, you know.”

“Do _you_ know? You got all dressed up for him.”

“So did you,” Dean accused, motioning up and down to Cas, who wore dark jeans, a tucked in navy shirt, and a black blazer. Dean had opted for a gray suit, which he’d borrowed from Castiel. Cas actually helped him tie his tie. He would get to meet Paul Rudd tonight. He had to look his best.

Cas sighed, defeated. “Would you like me to get us drinks?”

“Yes. Get me a beer. No, wait, get me a whiskey.” Dean straightened his jacket. “How does my hair look?”

“Your hair is fine, Dean. You look beautiful. You still have zero chances with Mr. Rudd.”

Dean scowled at Cas. “For the last time, not in love with him”

“I’ll be back with your whiskey,” Castiel said before he left.

Dean tried not to bump into anyone, but his attempts were futile. A few people danced inches away from him. They didn’t even ask him to join in. He searched for Cas, but he couldn’t really see beyond the closest bodies. Dean danced his way back inside. Suddenly, he stopped walking and gaped at the man standing ten feet away.

Paul Rudd, in the flesh.

Dean rubbed his sweaty hands discreetly on his pants before he made his way to him. He had a plan. He would introduce himself. He would be cool. Paul Rudd would realize how great Dean was and how much they had in common. And it would be the start of a beautiful friendship.

Halfway there, Dean’s arm was yanked to the side. He expected to see Castiel, but instead, he found Bela. She looked pale, and her hair was sticking to her face with sweat.

“Bela, what are you doing here? Are you alright?”

She shook her head. “Bathroom. I need a bathroom.”

Dean grabbed her hand tightly and led Bela throughout the house until he found the bathroom. To his surprise, he was pulled inside with her. Dean shut the door behind him and knelt down behind Bela, holding back her hair as she barfed repeatedly. He rubbed a hand over her back in soothing patterns. When it appeared she was done, Dean offered her a clean towel.

They sat side by side against the wall of the bathroom.

“I feel gross,” Bela said.

“You shouldn’t have come, kid,” Dean said. “You should have stayed home if you were sick.”

“I’m not sick,” Bela said. She rolled her head toward Dean and offered him a faint smile. “I’m pregnant.”

“You’re pregnant?” Dean repeated.

Bela touched her stomach. “Six weeks.”

“You knew?” Dean asked.

“Why do you think I didn’t drink when we went to the Roadhouse?”

“You said you were watching your figure,” Dean said.

Bela rolled her eyes. “Fuck my figure. And anyway, whatever happened to _morning_ sickness? I have all-day sickness.”

“Well, I’m happy for you,” Dean said, and then clarified. “I’m happy about the baby, not your all-day sickness.”

“My boyfriend doesn’t know,” Bela said. “He thinks I’ve been distant because I stopped loving him. He’s kind of a drama queen.”

“When will you tell him?”

Bela shrugged. “I had to get used to the idea first. I didn’t want his reaction, or anyone else’s, to affect how I feel about this baby.”

Dean thought about Lisa. How she had been crying when she told Dean about the baby she was carrying, the one that wasn’t his. Lisa had looked guiltier about being pregnant than about having cheated in the first place. It was because of the way Dean had reacted, the way he’d looked at her stomach. With disgust. He had been a dick to her.

“That was probably the right thing to do,” Dean said.

“Dean, I’m going to tell everyone about my pregnancy, but not yet,” Bela said. “I would really appreciate your discretion.”

“Yeah, sure,” Dean said. “It’s not for me to tell. Take as long as you need.”

“I’m going to start showing soon,” she said. “Bobby’s going to fire me.”

“No, he won’t,” Dean said. “He can’t just fire you ‘cause you’ll gain weight.”

Bela snorted. “The lead role always goes to the thin girl. You and I both know that.”

“Maybe it’s time that changed. I don’t know about you, but I would really like some diversity in the popular film industry.”

“Let me get through this first,” Bela said, struggling to get back up. “And then we can figure out how to crack the system.”

“Do you need any help?” Dean asked, standing up and offering her a hand.

“I got it.” Bela ran a hand through her damp hair in front of the mirror. “Thanks for your help tonight, Dean.”

“I’m sure you would have done the same for me,” he said.

“Let me know when you’re pregnant. I’ll give you some tips.”

Dean laughed, opening the bathroom door.

“I’m getting out of here,” Bela said, pulling down her dress. Dean trailed behind her, ignoring the eyes watching them suspiciously. “I’ll see you Monday, alright? Thanks again, babe.”

Dean nodded, bending down to kiss her cheek before she took off.

A few minutes later, Dean found Castiel. But he was no longer alone. Cas was sharing a white leather couch with a woman who was too beautiful to look away. She had long black hair and piercing brown eyes. Not only that, she looked like she was interested in Cas, judging by the way her hand kept caressing the back of his head. And Cas was leaning into her touch.

Dean approached them, clearing his throat.

Castiel jumped, and he was up on his feet before Dean said a word.

“Dean,” Cas said.

“Hey, Cas, I didn’t mean to disappear back there,” Dean said.

Cas sat back down, and then motioned to the woman beside him. “Dean, this is Meg Masters. Meg, this is—”

“I know who you are,” Meg said, extending her hand. “You’re Dean Winchester.”

“That’s right,” Dean said, shaking her hand. “I guess I should leave you to it.”

“Are you leaving?” Cas asked when Dean turned around.

He faced Cas again, sighing. “I’m going to get a drink and I’ll just wander around until you’re ready to go.”

“Oh, don’t bother, Dean,” Meg said. “I’m giving Castiel a ride. He told me he couldn’t stay late because he came with you, so problem solved.”

Dean swallowed, clenching his teeth. “Great. So, I’m just going to go. See you back home, Cas.”

“Dean,” Cas said, rising from the couch again. “Meg, I won’t be long. I’m going to walk Dean to his car.”

“Hurry back, handsome,” Meg called.

Cas walked beside Dean all the way to the Impala. Dean sat on the hood of his car and Cas stood in front of him, studying him as he often did.

“Dean, why are you upset?” Castiel asked, folding his arms.

“I’m not upset,” Dean said, turning his face so that Cas couldn’t look him in the eye.

“I know you, and I know you are upset. If anyone should be upset, it should be me. I carried your drink to the back without spilling a drop and you weren’t there. Where did you go?”

“I can’t tell you,” Dean said, running a hand through his hair. He wasn’t used to this. Lying to Cas. He wasn’t even used to arguing with Cas anymore. Not like this.

Castiel stepped into his line of vision, forcing eye contact. “I’m sorry I bailed on you, Dean, but I got tired of waiting.”

“Don’t apologize,” Dean said. “Save apologies for when they really matter.”

“This matters to me,” Cas said. “You are my friend.”

Dean smiled. “You should get back inside. Your girl’s waiting for you.”

“She’s not my girl,” Cas said. “Are you going straight home?”

Dean nodded. “But if you see Paul Rudd…”

“I’ll tell him how wonderful you are,” Castiel said with a smirk.

“That’d be greatly appreciated,” Dean said.

Castiel placed a hand to Dean’s shoulder. “I’ll be home soon.”

“Cas, you don’t—”

“Shut up.” Cas pulled Dean into his arms, cradling his head softly. Dean wrapped his arms around Castiel’s waist and gripped onto him. Cas moved away a few inches and cupped Dean’s face in his hands. “Get home safe.”

Dean nodded, and Castiel released him. Cas waited until Dean got behind the wheel and started the engine to head back inside.

As Dean drove away, _The Rain Song_ played on his stereo.


	7. Sometimes Moving Forward

“Where are you off to?” Dean asked when he saw Castiel getting ready the next day. Cas was putting on cologne in front of the bathroom mirror, while Dean leaned on the doorway.

“I have a date with Meg,” Castiel said, looking at Dean on the mirror. “She’s picking me up.”

Dean crossed his arms, smiling. “You must really like her.”

“She can be intimidating at times,” Castiel said. “Although I do like her company.”

Dean laughed.

Castiel turned around and smiled in return. “Could you help me with my tie?”

Dean nodded, motioning for Cas to step closer. Then Dean worked to tie the tie that was already around Cas’s neck, careful in the process. Castiel hadn’t shaved off his stubble. “There you go.”

“Thank you.” Castiel touched Dean’s shoulder. “I’m slightly nervous. I haven’t been on a date in a very long time.”

“Really?” Dean arched an eyebrow.

Castiel gave him a look.

“Honest question,” Dean said. “Look, you want a piece of advice? Be a gentleman. Ask her if it’s okay if you pay for dinner. Some people aren’t into that. If you like her, get to know her, see how much you got in common. Then see where things go from there.”

Castiel nodded. “Alright, that sounds simple enough.”

“It’s not rocket science,” Dean said.

“What if she wants to dance?” Castiel swallowed.

“You’re a great dancer!” Dean smiled at the memory of them dancing at the Roadhouse not so long ago.

Castiel narrowed his eyes. “I can’t lead.”

“Cas, it’s really not that hard.”

“What are you saying? That I’m an idiot?”

“No. I’m saying you’ll be fine.” Dean shook his head. “Come here, asshole.” He grabbed Cas’s hands and set them on his hips, then Dean wrapped his arms around Castiel’s neck. “Lead me.”

“There’s no music,” Cas said, tilting his head.

Dean started humming _The Rain Song_. Castiel sighed, but eventually started moving his feet. They danced without problem with Cas leading. And by the time the doorbell rang, Castiel looked confident.

They moved away from each other.

“Go have a good time,” Dean said.

“I appreciate this,” Castiel said.

After Cas left with Meg, Dean called his friends. Less than twenty minutes later, Charlie and Jo showed up with lots of booze. The true meaning of friendship was getting wasted together.

“What’s going on, Winchester?” Jo said, removing her jacket and tossing it on the couch. “Are you watching reality TV?”

“That’s why I called,” Dean said.

 “I think I know what this is about,” Charlie said. “You’re missing your baby brother.”

Dean sighed. “I’m always missing Sammy. Can’t a guy hang out with his friends without an interrogation?”

“We just have to be thorough,” Jo said, grabbing shot glasses from the kitchen.

“Where’d Cas go?” Charlie asked.

“He’s on a date,” Dean said. “Put on cologne and everything.” Dean laughed. “I taught him how to dance.”

Charlie nodded. “Now it makes sense.”

“What makes sense?” Dean asked.

“He’s moping,” Charlie called out to Jo.

“No way!” Jo said, bringing over the shot glasses to the coffee table. “This sounds juicy.”

Dean poured himself a shot of tequila. It burned his throat in the best way. “Am I going to have to drink alone?”

For a moment, Charlie seemed ready to go on about her crazy moping theory, but then she exchanged glances with Jo, and they both grinned to each other. The next second, they were doing shots together.

The true meaning of friendship, Dean thought again.

 

*******

 

After finding out about Bela’s pregnancy, Dean couldn’t get Lisa out of his head. They’d ended things pretty badly. Lisa had gone from the woman Dean loved, the one he wanted to spend the rest of his life with, to a stranger. Except she could never be a stranger again. She was a person he had to pretend stopped existing.

It was idiotic trying to pretend someone he’d loved had just vanished. So, Dean did an equally idiotic thing.

He went looking for Lisa.

And he found her, in the same place he last saw her. Her home. Lisa had a beautiful house in the city. A house that Dean had once thought of as home as well.

Dean stood on the front porch, hesitating whether to knock on the door or take off. He glanced back to his Impala, waiting for him in case he chickened out.

_Might as well._

The door opened just as Dean was about to knock.

“Dean?” Lisa was just as beautiful as the last time he’d seen her. She was tan, fit as a yoga instructor is expected to be, and wonderfully tall.

“Hi. Hello. It’s me.” Dean tried to laugh, but the choked sound faded away quickly.

“I recognized your car,” Lisa said, grinning her big wide grin.

“I hope you don’t mind my visit,” Dean said, shifting on his feet.

Lisa shook her head, stepping back. “Do you want to come in?”

“Am I interrupting?” Dean asked, looking over her shoulder. He didn’t know if Lisa ended up marrying the man who knocked her up. He didn’t stick around long enough to ask whether or not she loved the other guy.

“No, it’s just me and Ben,” Lisa said, waving Dean inside.

Dean stepped inside. “Ben?”

“My son,” she said. “Do you want to meet him?”

“You had a boy?” Dean asked.

A wobbly little boy approached him from the couch. He was giggling with every footstep, as if he couldn’t believe how amazing it was to walk. Lisa picked him up in her arms and spun him around, making the boy laugh uncontrollably.

“He loves this,” Lisa said, shifting Ben onto her side. “He just started walking.”

Ben smiled at Dean like he knew him.

“He has your eyes,” Dean said. He looked at Lisa. “Can I?”

Lisa transferred Ben over to Dean. He relished in the weight of the little guy in his arms, who starting kicking his feet playfully.

“Hi, Ben.” Dean bounced him up and down, trying to make him laugh again.

“Guess what his favorite song is,” Lisa said.

Dean turned to Lisa. “Oh, no. Is it that instrumental crap you listen to?”

Lisa rolled her eyes. “He loves ‘Ramble On.’ Anything by Zeppelin makes him go crazy with joy.”

“You’re kidding.”

“I’m serious!” Lisa laughed. “This guy loves classic rock.”

“Well, look at you, big guy.” Dean rocked Ben in his arms.

“Dean, can we talk?” Lisa asked, meeting Dean’s gaze. “I have some things I never got to say to you.”

Dean nodded. He sat down with Ben on his legs, where they continued playing. “I don’t like the way we left things.”

“Me neither,” Lisa said, sitting down with him. “I know that what I did was wrong. I never expected you to ask me to marry you.”

Dean looked at her. “Why not?”

“Because we weren’t in love anymore,” Lisa said.

“I thought I was,” Dean said. Dean had only loved a few people in his life, and Lisa had been one of them.

Lisa half-smiled. “We did love each other, Dean. A lot. But it didn’t last long. Do you remember all the times we sat down for dinner, looking at our plates more than at each other? We had nothing to say anymore. We didn’t even talk about our days.”

Dean remembered that. He’d never really accepted that it was because of lack of love. He thought all couples became that way after a while. He thought it was normal. He figured marriage was the next step.

“I wanted to end things between us, but then I met Steve. We didn’t last long.”

“Does he know about Ben?” Dean asked.

“Sure, he knows,” Lisa said. “But he decided not to be involved. Apparently, a kid wasn’t in his plans. It’s funny how men have an easier choice in deciding that stuff.”

“I’m sorry,” Dean said. He wasn’t used to apologies. He saved them for important moments. “I cringe every time I remember the way I looked at you when you told me you were pregnant with another man’s baby.”

“You’re a good man, Dean.”

Ben held tightly onto Dean’s finger.

“I wish I’d loved you the way you deserved to be loved,” Lisa said.

Dean looked away. He wanted to tell Lisa that he was incapable of that feeling nowadays. The closest he came to it was in his memories. “Me too,” he said.

 

*******

 

**EXT. ROOFTOP – AFTERNOON.**

_A table is set on the rooftop, but it’s empty and the coffee is untouched. MICHAEL and JIMMY are watching the traffic below. There’s a lot to be said, but neither of them know how to begin._

 

**JIMMY**

Mike?

 

**MICHAEL**

Don’t you have somewhere to be?

 

**JIMMY**

I take my afternoons off whenever I help you plan one of these things.

 

**MICHAEL**

See, that’s your problem. Your fucking life revolves around mine.

 

**JIMMY**

Oh, come on. You’re saying I’m Pluto and you’re the sun?

 

**MICHAEL**

Why don’t you start talking like a normal person for once?

 

**JIMMY**

What the hell is your problem, Mike?

Why are you taking this out on me?

 

**MICHAEL**

I told you to leave me alone. I don’t need you.

And I don’t need her.

 

**JIMMY**

Maybe she’s not here because you’re a dick.

 

**MICHAEL**

Go! I’m sick of seeing you here,

following me around like a lost puppy. You’re pathetic.

 

_JIMMY stares at MICHAEL for a long time. Then he runs to the table and knocks everything over, and kicks the rest of it until it’s all broken. He’s crying. MICHAEL heads over to try to calm JIMMY down._

_MICHAEL reaches out for JIMMY, but JIMMY flinches away._

 

**JIMMY**

Don’t touch me. Do not touch me.

 

**MICHAEL**

I’m sorry.

 

**JIMMY**

You wanted me gone? I’m gone.

 

**MICHAEL**

Jimmy, come on.

 

_JIMMY leaves._

 

*******

 

Castiel’s trailer was mostly silent. Dean was sprawled in a chair, blog surfing. Castiel was reading one of the books Dean bought at the beach bookstore.

They’d filmed an emotional scene today. Dean had seen Castiel weep harder than he’d ever had to in front of a camera. In hindsight, Dean had never seen Castiel cry in front of him before. It nearly broke his heart, and it wasn’t even real.

“Cas?” Dean asked.

“Hmm?” Cas said, keeping his eyes on his reading.

“What were you thinking of when you made yourself cry earlier?”

Castiel was quiet for a long time, so long that Dean thought he hadn’t heard him. Or worse, that he was ignoring him. “I think of my family.”

Dean sat up. “Why does your family make you cry?”

Castiel gave him a pointed look before going back to his book.

Dean understood that face as a sign that Cas was not comfortable speaking about this subject. Again, Dean respected his wishes. It was only fair.

“I hope I never see you crying like that outside of acting,” Dean mumbled. He went back to his laptop.

After a moment, Castiel got up and went to sit close beside Dean. He continued reading his book in silence.

Dean smiled to himself.


	8. Baby Mama Drama

“Kevin beat me on the violent video game again,” Castiel told Dean. He was sitting beside him in the booth. They were at the Roadhouse, waiting for Jo and Charlie to arrive.

“That’s why he likes playing with you,” Dean said.

“I finally finished that Stephen King novel,” Castiel said. “I want you to read it next so that we can discuss it.”

“You know, I really want to see your bookstore,” Dean said, looking at him. “Am I ever going to get to see it?”

Castiel smiled. “I hope you do. Next time you’re in Kansas, come visit me. I’ll show you around. I’d like to show you my home as well.”

“You got a deal, Cas.” Dean hadn’t told Cas that he grew up in Kansas. If he did, then Castiel would ask why he moved away. And it would bring up other issues Dean would rather keep to himself. Castiel wasn’t the only one wanting privacy.

Dean sipped his beer. “Hey, so how’s this thing with Meg going? Are you going to keep seeing her?”

Castiel shrugged. “I get the feeling she doesn’t want anything serious.”

“Do you?”

“Is it bad that I don’t know?” Cas asked.

Dean touched his forehead to Castiel’s. “No. It’s normal.”

“You’re just saying that to make me feel better,” Cas muttered.

Dean leaned away. “Maybe I am. Anyway, I don’t think you should worry about that. There’s no reason to rush into anything.”

“Dean—”

“Sorry to barge in on your love fest,” Jo said, materializing in the seat across from them. “Charlie went to get some beers.”

“Dean and I were just having a talk,” Castiel said.

“I can see that,” Jo said, nodding. Her gaze flicked from Cas to Dean.

“We were,” Dean said, downing the rest of his beer.

Charlie returned with their beers. “How’s it going, guys?”

“Dean and Cas were _just_   _talking_ ,” Jo said.

“We can get back to that later,” Charlie said, waving her hand. “I want to know about your movie.”

“Bela’s back on set,” Dean said. She still hadn’t told anyone about her pregnancy, but she was already slightly showing. Thankfully, no one had said anything. At least, Dean hadn’t heard anything. Gossip usually travelled fast on set.

“She looks much better,” Cas said.

“We’re making serious progress,” Dean said. “But I don’t want to talk about work anymore. I’m there all day.”

Jo let out a breath. “I have a confession to make. I’ve been hooking up with this guy from work for a while.” She met their eyes. “I’m talking about Danny.”

Dean locked eyes with Charlie.

“We know,” Charlie said. “You’re really bad at hiding this stuff.”

“But I was really secretive about it,” Jo said. “I’ve had to lie so much.”

“You couldn’t even hide it from Cas, and he doesn’t know the full story,” Dean said.

“That is true,” Cas said. “I knew about the Danny thing.”

Jo gaped at them. “Well, that stinks.”

“Danny is married,” Dean told Cas.

Castiel made an O with his mouth.

“It’s not as bad as it sounds,” Jo said. “He’s getting divorced.”

“When?” Dean asked.

“He’s not ready yet,” Jo answered.

“You deserve better,” Charlie said.

Jo swallowed. “I think we’re done with this subject.”

“Jo—” Charlie started.

“We’re done, okay?” Jo said. She tipped back her beer and downed half of it. “I’m going to take a piss and get more beer.”

Charlie frowned, watching as Jo left. “I’m really worried about her. She doesn’t want to talk about this with me.”

“Some things are hard to talk about,” Dean said, rubbing the back of his neck.

“Not when you love someone,” Charlie said, and she was out of her seat the next moment, following Jo.

Cas looked at Dean. “She’s right.”

Dean gazed into Castiel’s light blue eyes, sinking in the intensity of them. He wanted to tell him about everything that was still haunting him. He also wanted Castiel to tell him about everything he’d been keeping inside. But Dean waited for Castiel to talk first, and Castiel seemed to be waiting as well. In the end, neither of them said anything.

They finished their beers instead.

 

*******

 

Bela barged into Dean’s trailer. Kevin, Cassie, and Emma trailed behind her. Castiel sat up in his chair, glancing at Dean for explanations. Dean had none.

“What’s going on here, guys?” Dean asked.

“I brought everyone here with me so we can set the record straight about some of the rumors flying around,” Bela said, sitting down. Everyone else stood around in the tight space.

“What rumors?” Castiel wondered.

“Don’t you check your Twitter?” Kevin asked. “Blogs? The Internet in general?”

“Someone saw us at Paul Rudd’s party,” Bela told Dean. “Everyone’s saying you and I are hooking up.”

Dean raised his eyebrows. “Guess I should have seen that coming.” This had happened in his last film, with Eva Longoria. Honestly, it had been flattering. Being paired up with beautiful women was never a bad thing. Except, of course, it wasn’t true.

“That’s not the only thing,” Bela said. “Today, I announced on Twitter that I am pregnant. And everyone assumed you’re the father, Dean.”

Castiel stared at Dean, wide-eyed. He was, naturally, filled with questions, but before he could ask them, everyone else beat him to it. All at once, all of the actors bombarded both Bela and Dean with a hundred questions.

Bela shut them all up. “Let me talk. I want to be honest with all of you.” She looked at Dean. A sad smile shaped her lips. She touched her stomach softly. “Dean _is_ the father of my baby.”

Dean would have spit out his coffee if he’d been drinking any. He felt like all the oxygen had been cleared from the room. Everyone stared at him, including Castiel, who appeared the most bewildered.

“We can’t keep it a secret any longer,” Bela said. “It’s about time everyone found out that…we’re going to be a family.”

“What?” Dean asked. He still couldn’t process the fact that Bela had lied in front of all of their friends.

Bela gave him a look that showed how much she trusted that Dean wouldn’t give her away.

“I can’t believe I didn’t see this coming,” Cassie said.

“Dude, you knocked up your co-star,” Kevin said. “That’s wild.”

“Dean?” Castiel asked.

“I think Bela and I really need to talk, so if you guys could all wait outside, that would be fantastic.” Dean stood up and ushered everyone outside. He looked away when Castiel tried to meet his eyes.

Once the door to his trailer was shut, Dean turned to Bela, shaking his head.

Bela winced. “I’m so sorry, Dean.”

“Why the hell did you do this, Bela? I thought we were friends.” Dean went to grab a beer and took a sip. It wasn’t even noon yet, but he didn’t care.

“It’s because we’re friends that I need you to do this for me,” Bela said.

“Do what? Marry you? Start a family with you? Bela, I didn’t sign up for any of this.”

“You sound just like my fucking boyfriend,” Bela said, scowling.

Dean grimaced. “Look, I didn’t mean it like that. It’s just not easy coming to terms with the fact everyone out there thinks I’m going to be a father.”

“Why is that such a bad thing?” Bela asked, creasing her forehead.

“Because it’s not true!”

Bela sighed. “Dean, I need your help. My boyfriend went on a music tour and left me hanging. I can’t have the media thinking I’m alone on this. At least, if I have you, they’ll know my baby has a good dad.”

“But I’m not his dad.”

“You don’t have to be,” Bela said. “When this movie blows over, everyone will forget about this. Then you can go back to your normal life. No one will remember about us.”

“What about your kid, huh? Are you gonna lie to your kid about who their father is?”

“I’ll cross that bridge when I get to it,” Bela said, getting back on her feet.

“Bela, you can’t be serious about this,” Dean said, stopping her before she reached the door. “You’re my friend, and I love you, but you can’t wrap me up in this huge lie.”

Bela took Dean in her arms, gripping on to his back. Dean hugged her back tightly as she started sobbing. He was having a hard time staying angry with someone who looked so fragile. But Bela had never looked like this before. This was not the same woman he thought he knew.

“You have to help me, Dean,” she whispered, clinging on to him. “I need you.”

Dean squeezed his eyes shut. _Oh, God, what the hell am I doing?_ “Okay. I’ll help you.”

 

*******

 

**INT. COFFEE HOUSE – NIGHT.**

_MICHAEL is cleaning up after closing hours. He is mopping the floor, alone in the room. The front door chimes as it opens. He forgot to lock it._

 

**MICHAEL**

Sorry, we’re closed.

 

**LESLIE**

(O.S.)

Would you make an exception for me?

 

_At hearing her voice, MICHAEL looks up. LESLIE waits by the door until he nods her in._

 

**MICHAEL**

I didn’t think I’d be seeing you again.

 

**LESLIE**

I was meaning to call.

 

**MICHAEL**

But you didn’t.

 

**LESLIE**

No, I decided to come here instead.

 

**MICHAEL**

It’s late, Les. What do you want?

 

**LESLIE**

Something came up. My ex flew into town.

We met over…you know what, it doesn’t matter.

 

**MICHAEL**

That’s just what I needed to hear. Thanks.

 

**LESLIE**

I made a mistake.

 

**MICHAEL**

So, what exactly is it that you want?

 

**LESLIE**

I want more coffee dates.

 

**MICHAEL**

What?

 

**LESLIE**

You promised me all of the coffee dates that

would take to make me like coffee. Well, we’ve only had three.

My question is, do you intend on keeping your promise?

 

_MICHAEL drops his mop. And then he picks it up. He smiles._

 

MICHAEL

I always keep my promises.

 

*******

 

“Great job, everyone!” Bobby told the group. “Go home and rest. We got a long day tomorrow.”

Someone mumbled, “You say that every day.”

Dean rolled his eyes. Bobby would find them and kick their ass for their smart mouth.

Bela stepped closer to Dean and kissed his cheek before she turned to leave.

Dean let out a deep breath. He could feel every eye in the room on him. By this time, everyone and their mother knew about Bela’s big reveal. It would only get worse from here.

The one person Dean still had left to talk to was Castiel. But he wasn’t sure how to look Cas in the eye and flat out lie to him for Bela’s sake. He had to do it, though. He’d made her a promise, and just like his character, Dean always kept his promises.

They walked to the Impala in silence. Once inside the car, Dean turned on the stereo to stall the moment, but Castiel immediately turned off the music. He shifted in the seat, facing Dean with clear accusation.

“What’s wrong? You don’t like my music anymore?” Dean tried to laugh, but it was a failed attempt.

“Were you ever going to tell me?” Castiel asked. He sounded hurt.

“I didn’t think it would get this far,” Dean said. That was true. He didn’t think keeping Bela’s secret would result in this.

Castiel opened his lips to say something else, but he couldn’t utter another word. He looked out the windshield. Finally, he said, “Dean, you told me you weren’t ready for a real relationship just a few days ago. Now you’re having a baby. You’re getting married. I’m trying to fill in the gap in between, but I can’t.”

“Cas, it’s really not a big deal,” Dean said, trying to sound convincing.

“You got Bela Talbot pregnant, Dean. It _is_ a big deal. She is your co-star.” Cas stared at Dean, studying him for a long time. “Do you love her?”

Dean clenched his jaw. He wanted to come up with a way to ease this painful conversation, but he couldn’t come up with anything fast enough. “Love is a big word.” _Seriously, was that the best I could come up with?_

“That’s bullshit, and you know it.” Castiel crossed his arms, scoffing.

“I don’t love her, alright?” Dean said. At least he could be honest about that.

Castiel shook his head. “I can’t believe you’d be so reckless, Dean. I’m fucking disappointed in you. Getting a girl knocked up as if you were still a horny teenager. Unbelievable.”

Dean gripped the steering wheel. “I really don’t want to talk about this anymore.”

“Perfect. I don’t want to talk with you either.”

Dean rolled down his window and turned the music back on. It was loud enough to block out his inner screaming.


	9. All Things Must Pass

It was too early in the morning when Dean’s phone started ringing. Dean reached for his phone on his nightstand. He answered the call without opening his eyes and placed the phone to his ear.

“Whoever you are, you better have a damned good reason for calling,” Dean said.

“Why didn’t you tell me I’m going to be an uncle, you jerk?”

Dean groaned, rolling to his back. He pulled off his blanket. “Hi, Sammy.”

“You’ve been secretly dating Bela, Dean?” his brother asked. “Why didn’t you tell _me_? And when is this wedding happening? I can’t miss school, but I’m definitely going to be your best man.”

Dean sat up in bed, squinting. “Sam, there’s no wedding. Bela and I aren’t getting married.”

“But she said you were,” Sam said. “It’s all over the Internet. People get really excited when the co-stars of a film get together. “

“She said I asked her to marry me?” Dean asked, rubbing his eyes. Someone had to stop that woman. When would the lies end?

“Not in those exact words,” Sam said. “But she did hint at a wedding sometime in the future. Dean, what’s going on? This doesn’t sound like you.”

“I wish I knew,” Dean said. “I guess I have to deal with this now.”

“You guess? Dude, you got her pregnant. You have to step up and own up to it.”

Dean grunted. “Yeah, sure I do.”

“So, there’s no wedding? Is it really your baby this time?”

The fact that Sam had said “this time” really stung.

“If that’s what the Internet’s telling you, why wouldn’t you believe it?” Dean asked, getting out of bed and waddling to the bathroom.

“I’m not sure what to say, Dean. I didn’t think this would happen to you.”

“Me neither.”

 

*******

 

When Dean came out of the bathroom, Castiel was cooking in the kitchen. Dean smelt bacon and eggs, which was his specialty. Cas never made breakfast, that was Dean’s job.

“Smells good,” Dean said, grabbing a mug for coffee. Except there wasn’t any coffee in the coffee maker. There was only Castiel’s mug filled with coffee. “Where’s my coffee?”

“I threw it out,” Castiel said.

“Why did you throw out the coffee? I wanted some.”

“That is not my problem.”

Dean glared at Castiel’s back. “What about breakfast?”

“It’s for me,” Cas said. “You can cook for yourself.”

“You’re mean.” Dean grabbed a bowl and poured himself cereal. He wasn’t in the mood to make an elaborate breakfast just for him.

The two men ate in silence at the table.

 

*******

 

When they arrived on the set, Castiel lingered in the Impala. He wanted to talk. Dean closed his door and played with his keys, waiting for Cas to begin.

“Due to your new circumstances, I understand there will be changes that have to be made,” Castiel said. “You’ll be getting married. You’ll have to raise your child. I can no longer live in your home, Dean. Today I’m getting a room in a hotel nearby. We only have two months left of filming. I don’t wish to inconvenience you and Bela.”

Dean pinched the bridge of his nose. This had gone too far. “Fuck this, man. You’re not doing that.”

“Dean—”

“No, I’m not letting you do this.” Dean climbed out of the Impala, and Castiel did the same. Dean grabbed him by the hand and led him away.

“Where are we going?” Cas asked.

“You’ll see.” Dean took Cas to Bela’s trailer. He let himself in without knocking.

Bela stopped eating her toast. “Dean, what a surprise.”

“Save it,” Dean said. “I want to make something clear, Bela. I’m willing to lie for you. I’m willing to lie to the entire world, to my own brother. But I won’t lie to my best friend. He won’t even look at me anymore. So, tell him. Tell him the truth, or this whole thing is off.”

Castiel looked from Dean to Bela, furrowing his brow. “Tell me what?”

Bela sighed, taking a sip of her orange juice. “I lied about Dean being the father. Nothing has ever even happened between us.”

“But you said…” Castiel trailed off.

“I know what I said. I’m in this business for a reason. Actors get paid for lying. I’m one of the best liars on earth.” Bela continued eating her toast.

“So, the wedding,” Castiel said, staring at Dean. “The baby?”

“There is no wedding,” Dean said, glancing over at Bela. “I’d really appreciate it if you told everyone there’s not going to be a wedding.”

Bela chewed on her food. “It’s just silly rumors. They’ll go away.”

“How could you do this to Dean?” Castiel demanded, stepping closer to her. “I was on your side. You’re a terrible person.”

“That’s a little harsh, Castiel.” Bela shook her head. “Why does it matter to you? If it were true, Dean and I would be the couple of the century. Everyone loves us together.”

“Are you out of your mind, Bela?” Castiel turned around, looking at Dean with a mix of anger and relief. “Why would you agree to this madness?”

Dean winced. “I didn’t want to leave her hanging. She was crying. I don’t know.”         

Castiel rolled his eyes. “She’s an actress. Crying is a skill. It’s not always a sign of anguish.”

Dean crossed his arms. “Good point.”

“You already agreed to this, Dean,” Bela said. “Besides, who’s going to believe your word against mine?”

“I can’t take this,” Castiel said. “We’re leaving.” Castiel pulled Dean along with him as he left the trailer in a rush.

“I’m sorry I lied,” Dean said. “I’m sorry.”

Castiel stopped walking and turned around. He looked at Dean for a few seconds. Then his eyes softened, and he nodded. “I know you are. It’s not your fault.”

“I shouldn’t have lied to you.”

“Come on.” Cas took his hand again.

 

*******

 

The TV in the living room was on. Dean and Castiel sat in separate couches, watching a mindless show. Dean wasn’t actually paying attention. All he saw were flashes of colors and all he heard was noise.

Today had been one of the hardest days to face at work. Everyone stared at him. Everyone asked about Bela and the baby. Everyone asked about the wedding. Everyone judged him. It was even worse when Dean tried to explain to someone that he didn’t want to get married. Even in this fake scenario, Dean was not okay with agreeing to a shotgun wedding. He was better than that.

“What are we doing?” Castiel asked.

“Zoning out while watching _Dance Moms_ ,” Dean answered, yawning.

“How about instead we get out of here?” Castiel asked.

Dean turned off the TV. “What do you have in mind? You know what? It doesn’t matter. I’ve had a shit day and it can’t get any worse.”

“That’s the spirit.” Castiel grabbed Dean’s keys and was out the door before Dean could put his shoes on.

By the time Dean made it to the garage, Castiel was already seated behind the wheel. He was beaming with excitement.

“Oh, no you don’t.” Dean opened the driver’s door and tried to force Castiel out of the seat.

Castiel tilted his head to the side, frowning. “Why not?”

“’Cause it’s my car and only I get to drive it,” Dean said.

“I’m an excellent driver,” Castiel said.

“It doesn’t matter. You’re not driving Baby.” Dean tried again to pull Cas out of the seat, but the other man was stubborn and surprisingly strong.

Finally, Castiel took one foot out. “Alright, Dean. You can drive your car. It’s only logical that you could pretend you’re having a baby with Bela, but when I ask to drive the Impala, I’m denied the opportunity. I understand perfectly.”

Dean scowled at Castiel. “Fine. Drive. But if you hurt her, I will smite you.”

Castiel grinned. “That seems reasonable. Get in.”

Dean hopped in the Impala. He reached for the stereo, but Castiel had already put on a tape. The Beatles came on.

“What, I don’t even get to pick the music?” Dean wondered, leaning back on the passenger seat.

Castiel shook his head as he started the engine. “I’m calling the shots tonight.”

“Is this payback for lying to you?” Dean asked.

Castiel pulled out of the parking garage. A small laugh escaped him. “If it were, then we’d be even.”

Dean smiled. “Where are you taking us?”

“Wherever you want to go.”

Dean glanced at Castiel as he drove. He was a focused driver, keeping his eyes always on the road. He sang quietly along to the music. Dean couldn’t remember what his life had been before Castiel showed up. He couldn’t remember waking up in an empty apartment. Or driving alone late at night.

“Have you ever been to the beach at night?”

 

*******

 

The moon was a big C in the night sky.

As great as his idea had originally sounded, the beach was freezing cold at night. It didn’t help that it was windy.

Dean was grateful for the blanket he kept in his truck. The one he’d used on special occasions. The one he had not used in months.

They huddled close to each other in the sand, and Dean wrapped the blanket over their backs. Their teeth stopped chattering soon after that. The waves splashing against the shore made a peaceful sound that coaxed him close to Castiel. He wasn’t sure if he was tired or if he just wanted the human contact. Either way, it didn’t hurt when Castiel leaned his head on his shoulder.

“Would you like to know the real reason why I was so angry with you about the pregnancy?” Castiel muttered.

“Yes.”

“I was angry because you said you didn’t love her,” Cas said. “If you’d ended up marrying Bela, without love, your baby would be born in an unhappy environment. You and her would argue a lot. Not in the same way we argue, but in hurtful ways. And then at the end of the day, you would come home to a place that didn’t feel like home. But you would be there because you created this other human on accident. As if a life was accidental. And this child would grow up in this miserable environment.”

Dean looked down at Castiel. “Jeez, Cas, you can be a real pessimist.”

Castiel fell silent for a moment. “I’m speaking from personal experience.”

“Oh?” Dean was afraid to move an inch, afraid that Castiel would regret opening up to Dean and stop talking all together.

“My parents got together because my dad got my mom pregnant,” Cas said. If possible, he moved closer to Dean. “They had Uriel, my eldest brother. Then they kept making children, more accidents. They had Raphael, then Gabriel, and then me.”

“That’s a lot of accidents,” Dean mumbled.

Castiel chuckled softly. “Apparently, that wasn’t enough for my father. He constantly was unfaithful to my mom. He had a daughter named Anna. I see her more often than I see my brothers. She wasn’t there when we were young. She doesn’t know the details of our development.”

Dean wanted to ask, but he felt that would be prying. He waited, holding his breath.

“When I was ten, my mom committed suicide,” Cas said. “She left us, all four of us. I was the youngest, but my brothers were young as well.”

“Cas, I’m sorry.” Dean wrapped an arm around Castiel under the blanket, drawing him closer.

“Not long after, my dad ran out on us,” Cas said. “We never heard from him again.”

Dean leaned his cheek on top of Castiel’s head. “How did you and your brothers survive?”

“We didn’t,” Castiel replied. “The things we did in order to feed ourselves, you don’t live after that, Dean. You don’t.”

Dean shivered. It wasn’t only because of the cold. “Hell, I can’t even begin to imagine…” Dean didn’t _want_ to imagine the horrible things Castiel had gone through.

“My brothers and I, we haven’t spoken to each other since we parted ways,” Castiel said. “For a while we worked together, but then we stopped. I was able to go back to school. I learned fast. I did everything I could to move past that life. I became an actor. I opened up a store. Things changed for me, Dean. They changed for the better. It was…sometimes I feel like it was the work of an angel.”

Dean held Castiel tightly. “Maybe it was all you.”

“I heard my brothers were also doing well for themselves,” Castiel said. “I hold onto that thought every day. That my brothers are well.”

“Why don’t you visit them?” Dean wondered. “The one who lives here at least?”

Castiel lifted his head, meeting Dean’s eyes. “I think I’m afraid. I’m still that scared little boy I once was.”

Dean held Castiel’s face in his hands. He pushed back his hair. “I don’t think you are.”

“I ruined our trip to the beach,” Castiel said, blinking.

“You couldn’t ruin anything if you tried,” Dean said, kissing Castiel’s head. “Asshole.”

Castiel burst into laughter.

“Well, you deserve the insult for driving my car,” Dean said.

“I drive better than you,” Castiel said. He was on his feet, pulling Dean up by his hand. “Come take a walk with me.”

Dean folded the blanket and threw it over his shoulder. “The sand feels great.”

Castiel stretched his arms, and Dean didn’t miss the hair trail near his waistband when his shirt was lifted. “Should we chase for ghost crabs?” he asked, walking closer to the edge of the shore.

“We should,” Dean said, following after Castiel when he took off running.

They strolled together on the beach, and sometimes when their hands brushed, they looked at each other and smiled.


	10. Turning Blank Pages

**INT. JIMMY’S APPARTMENT – MORNING.**

_The hallway is empty. MICHAEL is insistently knocking on JIMMY’s door_.

 

**MICHAEL**

Jimmy, open the door.

(knocking again)

Please, open up, man. I need to

Talk to you.

 

_The door is finally opened. JIMMY stands in the doorway. He doesn’t look enthused about MICHAEL’s visit._

 

**MICHAEL**

Hey.

 

**JIMMY**

Hi.

 

**MICHAEL**

I’m sorry.

 

**JIMMY**

And?

 

**MICHAEL**

I miss you.

 

**JIMMY**

Do you?

 

**MICHAEL**

(Nodding his head)

Every single day.

 

**JIMMY**

 Good.

 

**MICHAEL**

Good?

 

**JIMMY**

Me too.

(Pauses)

Do you want to come in? I made lasagna.

 

**MICHAEL**

(Hugs Jimmy)

I love you, man.

 

**JIMMY**

(laughs)

Just because you added the “man”

doesn’t make this any less homoerotic.

 

**MICHAEL**

Is that another analogy?

 

**JIMMY**

Yeah. Sure.

 

Fade out.

 

*******

 

“Cas, want to grab some take-out tonight?” Dean asked. They were done shooting for the day, and he just wanted to get home, sit on the couch, and share a meal with his friend.

They were walking back to Castiel’s trailer. Cas glanced at Dean, giving him a brief smile. “I would love to, but unfortunately I have plans.”

“Oh?” Dean didn’t have to guess who he had plans with. “That’s cool.”

“Meg wanted to see a play,” Castiel said.

“Is she picking you up?” Dean asked.

“Well,” Castiel said, opening up the door to his trailer. Meg was already seated inside, retouching her lipstick. She looked up.

“Are we ready to go, handsome?” Meg rose from her seat and approached Dean, embracing him as if they were lifelong friends, or just something more than acquaintances.

Dean pulled away. Her perfume was too strong. “Hello, Meg.”

“Dean, always a pleasure.” Meg grinned. “Where’s the future mother of your baby?”

“She should be on her way home,” Dean said. He couldn’t care less where Bela went after their day at work was done. They’d stopped being friends when she got him tied into her game.

“You’re the man of the hour, I hear,” Meg said, glancing at Castiel. “I can’t get him to shut up about you.”

Dean winked at Cas. “I hope it’s only good things.”

Castiel softened his gaze. “Absolutely.”

“Well, I think that’s about enough,” Meg said. “Cas and I have to catch our play.”

“I’ll see you later, Dean,” Castiel called as Meg dragged him away.

There was no point in staying in Castiel’s trailer without Castiel, so Dean went to his Impala. She was a faithful friend. Dean got in and turned on the stereo. He listened to music without listening to the words. There was nothing he wanted to hear.

 

*******

 

Dean fell asleep in the living room couch. He woke up when he felt a soft shake on his shoulder. Castiel was kneeling next to the couch.

“Hey,” Dean said, groggy with sleep. He realized he was freezing cold, and really uncomfortable. He’d fallen asleep wearing his boots.

“I’m home,” Castiel said quietly. “I thought I’d wake you so you’d go to your bed. Your neck was all twisted.”

Dean yawned, sitting up. “Thanks. How was the play?”

Cas shook his head, sitting down beside Dean on the couch. “It was quite boring.”

“Yeah? Well, at least you had good company.”

“It would have been better if I’d had you.” Castiel looked at Dean in earnest. His gaze was unflinching.

“I’m sure Meg was fun,” Dean said, rubbing the back of his neck.

Cas gave him a crooked smile. “Meg and I decided to part ways tonight.”

“You broke up?” Dean asked.

“We broke up,” Castiel replied.

“Are you okay?”

Castiel nodded. “I’m excellent.”

“That’s good. I’m glad you’re not beating yourself up over it.” Dean got up, and Castiel followed. They stood staring at each other, and Dean smiled.

“I realized that I would much rather spend time here with you, than be anywhere with her,” Cas said. “She’s a lovely person, but…”

“But you’re not into her,” Dean said. “That’s not a crime.”

Castiel sighed. “Goodnight, Dean.”

“I’ll see you in the morning,” Dean said.

 

*******

 

Sam showed up before lunchtime. Cas was cooking his famous quesadillas as a homecoming gift for Dean’s baby brother. Dean noticed that Cas was handling his recent breakup really well. There was a lot of whistling as he cooked. Dean smiled but didn’t comment on it.

As soon as there was a knock on the door, Dean answered.

“Hey!” Sam barely had the chance to get one word out before Dean took him in his arms. He was still able to lift him up, even though Sam was way taller and—quite honestly—stronger.

“Too precious for this world,” Dean said, squeezing the breath out of his brother.

“Put me down, Dean.” Sam groaned.

“Still afraid of heights?” Dean asked.

“Just need to breathe,” Sam said.

Dean laughed, setting his brother back on his feet. He took Sam’s duffel bag and tossed it on the couch. “You hungry? Cas is making lunch.”

Cas stepped out of the kitchen. He cleaned his hands on his apron and then shook Sam’s hand.

“Castiel, it’s good to finally meet you,” Sam said.

“Same to you,” Cas said.

Dean led Sam to the table. “I’m sure you’re starving. You’ve been driving for hours. Was there a lot of traffic? You still drive that old Caddy?”

“Oh, like you’re one to talk about _my_ old car.” Sam rolled his eyes, glancing back at Cas. “How do you put up with him? I’m surprised he hasn’t run you out of here yet.”

Cas smiled at Dean. “I believe Dean is a delightful roommate.”

“You hear that, Sammy? I'm _delightful_.”

Sam snorted, plopping down on a chair. “Where’s Bela? I thought she’d be living here now.”

Dean locked eyes with Cas, tensing up. “We’re taking things slow.”

“Dude, you got her pregnant,” Sam pointed out. “The least you can do is let her move in with you.”

Cas gave Dean a look that screamed “tell him the truth, you moron,” but Dean waved him off.

“Does anyone else smell burnt?” Sam wondered.

“My quesadillas!” Cas ran back to the kitchen.

Dean joined Sam at the table. He couldn’t stop smiling at the sight of his brother. Sam looked older. The last time he’d seen him, his hair had been shorter. Now it was to his shoulders. He grew taller, too.

“Are we going to talk about this Bela thing?” Sam asked.

“We already did,” Dean said. “What’s there left to talk about?”

Sam shook his head. “It’s weird, Dean. You got Cas living with you, but the woman carrying your child is God knows where.”

“She’s busy. With stuff…and things.” Dean creased his forehead. That was a pathetic excuse. He couldn’t fool Sam.

“Should I be worried about you?”

Suddenly, Castiel reappeared with a plateful of quesadillas to save Dean. “What would you like to drink, Sam?”

“I’ll go get myself a water bottle,” Sam said, standing up. “You sit down, Cas. Can I get you guys any drinks?”

“A Coke is fine,” Dean said.

“Water, please,” Cas said, taking a seat at the table. “Your brother is charming.”

“I know.” Dean grinned. “It runs in the family.”

Cas tilted his head. “Modesty certainly doesn’t.”

Dean narrowed his eyes. “And we were doing so good.”

Cas smiled. “You seem happy.”

“I am,” Dean said, leaning closer and lowering his voice. “But Sam keeps asking me about Bela. I don’t know how much longer I’m gonna be able to lie to him.”

“Be honest with him,” Cas said. “He deserves to know the truth.”

Dean frowned. That advice wasn’t at all helpful. He knew he _should_ tell Sam the truth, but he’d already gone too far with this lie. It wasn’t good timing. Dean had just gotten his brother back.

Sam was on the phone when he brought back the drinks. “Yeah, the drive was great. No, don’t worry. I’ll call you tonight. Bye, Jess.”

“Sounds like someone has a girl,” Dean said, opening his can of Coke.

Flushing, Sam hung up his phone and sat down. “She’s a good friend. We met on campus. She’s smart and funny. We’re practically always together.”

“She your girlfriend?” Dean asked.

Sam sighed. “No. She’s not my girlfriend.”

“But you like her?” Castiel asked.

Sam nodded. “You could say that.”

“So why the hell aren’t you together?” Dean asked.

“Because, Dean, I don’t know if she wants that,” Sam said, raising his voice.

Dean flicked his eyes to Cas briefly before turning back to Sam. “Why don’t you ask her?”

“She’s my friend,” Sam said. “I don’t want to lose her.”

“Maybe you won’t,” Cas said, smiling kindly at Sam.

“I can’t risk it,” Sam said, grimacing. “Jess is my constant, my best friend. If I lose her, I’ll lose everything.”

“By the sound of it, Jess is worth the risk,” Dean said.

Sam ran a hand through his hair and then grabbed a quesadilla. “I will think about it.”

Dean locked eyes with Cas again. They shared a smile.

 

*******

 

The living room was full of laughter. Sam was restrained from drinking because he wasn’t over twenty-one. Dean and Cas had finished an entire bottle of rum as they went through all of Castiel’s films.

Granted, Castiel wasn’t butt naked in all of them, but they were still a lot of fun to watch.

“Alright, I think that’s enough laughter in my expense,” Castiel said, holding onto Dean as he wobbled up to his feet. “Who moved the floor?”

“You’re drunk,” Dean said.

“Look who’s talking,” Cas said, falling back on the couch.

Sam laughed. “It’s good to be home. Today has been great, but I’m beat. I think I’ll turn in.”

“You gonna call your girl?” Dean asked, peering at Sam from over Castiel, who had fallen right on top of Dean after rocking in place.

“I promised her I would,” Sam said. “Do I still take my old room?”

“Yeah, why wouldn’t you?” Dean asked, shoving Castiel’s head back to his side of the couch.

“I just thought Cas was occupying my room,” Sam said. “I don’t want him to sleep on the couch.”

“He’ll sleep with me,” Dean said. “He’s cool with sharing a bed with me. Aren’t you, Cas?”

“So cool,” Cas said, raising his arms. “So very cool.”

Dean laughed. “We’re good, Sammy. Thanks.”

Sam took out his phone, already dialing. “Great. Goodnight, Dean. Night, Cas.”

Dean waited until Sam went into his room and closed the door to turn to Castiel. “You ready for bed?”

“So ready,” Cas said. “I am so ready.”

Dean laughed again. “Come on. I’m not carrying you.” Dean dragged Castiel to his feet and wrapped an arm around his shoulder as he led him to his bedroom. Castiel behaved practically the same when he was sleepy as when he was drunk. It was endearing, to say the least.

Dean flipped the light switch in his room and Castiel squirmed at the brightness, burying his head in Dean’s chest. “I’ll turn off the light as soon as I get you into bed.”

“Dean,” Cas whispered into Dean’s ear. “Your room is very messy.”

“I know.” Dean grunted as he manhandled Cas to his bed. He laid him down carefully and then took off his shoes. “Do you want pants on or pants off?”

“I want them off,” Cas said, nodding his head. “Take off my pants, Dean.”

Dean smiled. “My pleasure.” Dean unzipped Castiel’s pants and rolled them down his legs, uncovering his black boxer briefs. “I’ve seen you a lot more naked than this, you know.”

Castiel burst into laughter. “That is true.”

Dean removed Cas's pants completely and tossed them aside. Then he removed his own shoes and pants. He flipped the light switch, as promised. His eyes settled in the darkness of the room. “You good now?”

“I’m so good now,” Cas said, laughing in the dark.

“I usually take the left side,” Dean said, sitting in bed. “So, do you mind switching places?”

“I do mind it,” Cas said. “If you want this place, you’re going to have to fight me for it.”

Dean stared at the silhouette of his friend. “I’m a lot more sober than you are, so I wouldn’t challenge me if I were you.”

“I am not threatened by your words.” Castiel rolled to his belly.

“If you go to sleep, it’ll make it easier to move you,” Dean said. “I’ll wait.”

“No, no, no.” Castiel struggled to sit up again. When he was finally stable, he gave Dean a gentle shove on his chest. “Fight me.”

“I will not fight you.” Dean did his best not to laugh.

“Dean,” Cas said. “We’re going to settle this matter.”

“How?”

“Come here.” Castiel pulled Dean’s face closer to him and kissed the corner of his mouth.

One minute there was only darkness, and the next there was nothing but their quick breathing and his racing heart going faster than the speed of light.

“Cas—” Dean tried to speak, but Castiel pressed his lips fully against Dean’s mouth. Dean closed his eyes, inching closer to the warmth of the body in front of him. He placed his hand tentatively on Castiel’s face, restraining himself from giving in completely to the touch he was craving.

Castiel moved closer, until he was on Dean’s lap, wrapping his legs around Dean. He pressed himself closer, rocking his body against Dean, groaning with every press of skin and fabric. Cas dug his fingers into Dean’s hair, possessing him wholly. Where Dean was precarious, Castiel was confident and in control. For Dean, this usually went the other way around.

Dean pulled away, breathing heavy. “You…are…”

“You are….” Castiel bit his own lip, slowly moving away. He settled back on the right side of the bed.

Dean licked his lips, going to the left side.

They sat in bed, side by side, in silence.

Then, they laughed.

“That was…” Dean trailed off, turning to Cas. “That was kind of amazing.”

“It was,” Cas said, sounding more sober than ever. He cleared his throat. “I perfectly enjoyed it.”

“I’m sure you did.” Dean rolled down into bed, throwing a thin blanket over his legs.

Castiel did the same, and he tugged on Dean’s blanket to cover himself as well. “I wish I weren’t drunk right now.”

“You won’t be drunk tomorrow,” Dean muttered, throwing an arm over his eyes.

Tomorrow…


	11. A New Beginning

The next morning was hazy.

Dean woke up in his side of the bed, but he knew he wasn’t alone. It took one look to his left to find Castiel’s sleeping face right beside him. Somehow, they’d both manage to stay on their side of the bed, but their legs weren’t that careful. Dean lifted up the blanket that covered both of their bodies, and noticed the way their legs were tied together. He thought of pulling away from the entangled mess, but Castiel was already waking up by the time Dean tried to move.

“My head,” Castiel said, sitting up and cradling his head in his hands.

Dean rushed out of bed. He came back with two Advil and a cold glass of water. “Take this.”

Cas barely registered what Dean gave him before he swallowed down the pills and chugged the full glass of water. Dean sat on the edge of the bed. “It isn’t fair that you have such a high tolerance for alcohol.”

“I’ve had a lot of practice,” Dean said, smiling.

Castiel was having a hard time meeting Dean’s eyes, which made it harder for Dean to look away. He thought maybe Cas didn’t remember what he’d done the night before. Dean had a slight suspicion that he wouldn’t have done it if he hadn’t been drunk.

“I do remember,” Cas said suddenly, shaking his head. “I stepped over the line.”

“It’s not a big deal,” Dean said. It wasn’t like the thought of kissing Castiel hadn’t occurred to him before. He just never acted on it.

Cas looked at him, and his ears got red. “Really? Are we okay?”

“Dude, we’re great.”

Cas hesitated before he went on. “We are—Dean, we’re friends, and we’re roommates, and coworkers, and you’re the alleged father of Bela’s unborn baby. This…this has no chance of ever happening, does it?”

Dean let out a long breath. “I know. And I get it.” _But I don’t like it_.

“For whatever it’s worth, I love waking up to you, even with a hangover.” Castiel flashed a tiny smile before he hopped out of bed.

Dean watched his friend disappear out of his room with longing. He felt like a coward. He was prepared to let him go.

 

*******

 

Dean made pancakes for breakfast. Sam decided to sleep in. He knew that Sam adored spring break for the sole reason of sleeping in every single day. It was a rare privilege. So Dean was forced to sit at the table alone with Cas.

“We should wait for Sam to eat,” Castiel suggested.

“We could be waiting for hours,” Dean said.

Castiel nodded, digging into his breakfast.

Dean swung his foot under the table and smiled as it bumped against Castiel’s leg. Cas glanced at him as he chewed and rolled his eyes. Dean rubbed his toe against Castiel’s leg and watched as he squirmed under his touch.

“Dean,” Cas said warningly as he took a sip of his coffee.

“Aren’t you just a little bit curious?” Dean asked, swallowing.

“Curious about what?” Castiel tilted his head.

Dean willed himself to continue. “About us.”

“As in, you and me?” Castiel raised his eyebrows.

Dean nodded slowly.

“What exactly are you implying, Dean?”

Dean shrugged. “We should try this. We should finish what we started last night. If it doesn’t work, we’ll go back to the way it used to be. It’ll be like nothing ever happened. But at least we’ll know we’re not missing out on something great.”

Castiel beamed at him. “I’m in.”

Dean chewed his lip to contain his grin. He continued rubbing his foot against Castiel’s leg.

“Are we going to hide this from everyone?” Castiel asked.

Dean looked up. “I don’t know.”

Castiel pondered. “Perhaps we should, at least while we decide what to do.”

“Alright.” Dean nodded. He wasn’t sure how many secrets he could keep, but he would keep this one. For Cas. Dean stretched his arm on the table, continuing with his breakfast. Then, Castiel touched his fingertips to Dean’s. The touch was thrilling. Castiel continued tracing patterns on Dean’s hand as they finished their pancakes.

“Guys, why didn’t you wake me up?” Sam asked, entering the room.

Dean quickly removed his arm and buried his hands under the table, knocking his knee against the table in the process. “Crap.”

“What’s wrong with you?” Sam asked, but it felt more like a rhetorical question, so Dean ignored it.

“I thought I’d let you rejoice in the glory of sleep,” Dean said, pushing the plate of pancakes toward his brother. “Dig in.”

Sam pulled up a chair and joined them. “I talked to Jess last night. She'll be here a couple nights visiting some friends. She asked me if I wanted to go with her.”

Dean locked eyes with Cas and smirked. “Sounds like my baby brother has game with the ladies.”

“Jess will be here tonight, so please don’t embarrass me,” Sam begged, drowning his pancakes in syrup.

“When have I ever—”

“Do you really want me to go over this?” Sam stared at him.

Dean made a face. “Whatever, Sammy. I’m going to have to interview this girl. I need to know if she’s smart enough to put up with you.”

“She’s smarter than me.” Sam wolfed down his pancakes.

“She sounds like a lovely person,” Cas said.

Sam grinned at him. “Yeah, she is. I can’t wait for you to meet her, Cas. Can I count on you to keep Dean in check?”

“Hey,” Dean interjected.

“Of course,” Cas said, nodding.

“I was thinking we could go to dinner together,” Sam said, chewing on his pancakes. He pointed his fork at Dean. “I’m staying with her and her friends tonight, so don’t wait up for me.”

“Just be careful, Sammy,” Dean said.

“I hate to leave you and Cas alone again,” Sam said.

“We’ll find a way to pass the time,” Dean said, sending a wink to Castiel across the table. Cas flushed, fixing his eyes on his plate.

Sam hummed. “These are really good, Dean. I missed your food.”

“Did you get all those care packages I’ve sent you?” Dean mumbled.

“Oh yeah, ate everything,” Sam said, looking at Dean with a wide smile. “But this is better.”

Dean nodded. “I know.” He waited a beat. “And you’re still leaving me for that girl.”

Sam laughed. “I’m not leaving you. I'm coming to see you on the set tomorrow. Is it okay if I bring Jess along?”

“Sure,” Dean said. “I guess you want to meet Bela?”

“If she’s really having my future niece or nephew, then yes,” Sam said, looking from Dean to Cas. “You guys are being too secretive. I know you’re hiding something.”

“I’m going to get in the shower,” Cas said, rising from his seat. “Sam, I’m glad you’re here.” Cas picked up his plate and put it in the sink before he left.

Sam pushed his empty plate forward. “Is there anything you want to say to me, Dean?”

The way Sam looked at him made Dean shrink half his size. He knew he wouldn’t be able to keep up this lie for much longer.

“Well…” Dean said. Was he really going to do this? Was he going to risk losing the peace that he had with his brother over some stupid lie?

“You’re scared to be a dad,” Sam said. “That’s why you’re avoiding all things Bela, right?”

Dean rubbed the back of his neck. “Yeah, that’s exactly why.”

“Well, I think you’ll be a great dad.” Sam gave him a crooked smile. It was coy. “Sometimes I think you’ll be better than Dad.”

Dean didn’t know what to say to that.

 

*******

 

They picked an Italian restaurant named Achille’s. The plan was for Dean and Cas to head there first to grab a table while Sam met up with Jess and brought her along.

Dean had dressed up for the occasion, and so had Castiel. They stopped at the entrance. The place was packed. Dean asked for a table for four and waited with Cas at the bar.

“Two beers,” Dean said to the barkeeper. Dean took a sip of his beer, and then his hand roamed mysteriously to Castiel’s back and settled there. He didn’t realize he’d wanted to touch him until he already was.

Castiel glanced at him with a smile. “Careful, Dean. Someone might capture our inappropriate touching in public and start other rumors.”

Dean rolled his eyes, although Cas was right in his assumption. “Who’s going to care if I kiss you right now?”

Cas raised an eyebrow. “My guess is everyone in this room.”

“Yeah, right.”

Cas took a sip of his beer. “Public displays of affection don’t suit actors very well, especially when they are kissing a person of the same gender.”

Dean scoffed. “I’ll kiss you right here, I don’t give a damn.”

“I don’t believe you,” Cas said.

“Is that a challenge?” Dean asked. He put down his beer and tilted Castiel’s chin forward. “I’ll do it.”

Castiel grinned. “So much for keeping it secret.”

Dean leaned closer, but he stopped himself when he heard his name. He dropped his hand and looked up.

A woman he’d never seen before stepped up to him. She was holding out her cell phone in request for a picture. “I loved _Supernaturally_ ,” she told him. “I only watched it for you.”

He got that a lot.

Castiel seemed ready to move away, but Dean didn’t want that. Dean snaked an arm around Castiel’s shoulders.

“Stay with me,” Dean whispered in his ear before smiling to the woman. She told him her name was Tessa. “It’s very nice to meet you, Tessa.”

“Would it be okay to take a picture?” she asked. It finally seemed to hit her that Dean was with Cas. “Excuse me, are you Castiel Novak?”

Castiel cleared his throat, freeing himself from Dean’s hold. He nodded his head before he mumbled a quick assertion.

“You’re the guy in _Patched up Promises_ , aren’t you?” Tessa asked. “I almost didn’t recognize you without the blond hair. I love that movie.”

The disheveled look in Castiel’s face had turned into confusion. “You saw that?”

“Yes, and it was wonderful,” Tessa said. “I can’t believe I’m standing in front of you.”

Castiel made an awkward noise and disguised it as laughter.

Dean smiled at him. “His baby blues tend to have that effect.”

Tessa asked a random passerby to take a picture, and then she stood at Castiel’s side. Once the picture was taken, she hugged both of them and she was gone.

“Are you alright?” Dean asked Cas, who looked like he was about to pass out.

“I wasn’t expecting that,” Cas said, downing the rest of his beer.

“I couldn’t let you leave.”

Cas took a deep breath. “That wasn’t terrifying.”

“No, it wasn’t,” Dean said, rubbing Castiel’s back. “You handled it really well.”

“If you say so.”

Dean leaned closer to whisper again into Cas’s ear, “I’m still going to kiss you.”

Castiel ran a hand through his hair. “You are making my heart go ballistic.”

That was the single greatest thing Dean had ever heard. He resisted the urge to kiss Castiel because now he was sure someone would capture it on camera. He wouldn’t do that to Cas.

Dean pressed his nose to Castiel’s cheek. Then, he finished the rest of his beer.

 

*******

 

Sam and Jess arrived a few minutes after they got their table.

Jess was a beautiful girl, and she had a firm handshake. The first words that came out of her mouth were, “Samuel, please.” She was scolding Sam about something as they reached their table. Dean instantly liked her.

After their introduction, Jess went on to talking about how happy she was to finally be meeting Sam’s older brother. “All I hear from him is Dean this and Dean that. It was about time we met.”

“Oh, you know me, I always gotta be the center of attention,” Dean said.

“It helps boost his ego,” Castiel said.

“It’s amazing how you two ended up working on the same film,” Jess said. “Sam and I love your movies, Castiel. Anytime we’re in a funk or something, we put them on and digress. They work like a charm.”

“I hope _Coffee Dates_ doesn’t disappoint you, then,” Cas said. “I’m sure you have high expectations.”

“I’m not worried,” Jess said. Her smile was genuine. Dean caught Sam staring at her, and the look in his eyes spoke a thousand words.

They continued discussing films and the industry as they ate. Jess was very knowledgeable in many areas. In some ways, she reminded Dean of Sam. Ever since Sam started reading, he remembered little random facts, and he never forgot them. His younger brother was a walking encyclopedia. And Jess was a lot like that, spilling facts about every little thing.

Most people found that annoying, but Dean had grown up with Sam. He’d not only gotten used to it, but he also enjoyed it.

Cas seemed to agree with him. His face lit up with all the information he was receiving.

“I’ve had a great time,” Jess said.

“We should get going,” Sam said. “Jess and I are meeting up with her friends in twenty minutes.”

“Am I still invited to visit the set tomorrow?” Jess wondered.

“Absolutely,” Cas said.

“We’ll give you a full tour,” Dean said.

Sam and Jess left after a long string of goodbyes.

Dean turned to Cas. “We have the place to ourselves again.”

“Indeed, we do,” Cas said.

“Should we go?”

“Yes, I think we should.”

They rushed out of the restaurant, and then hopped into the Impala, breathless. They listened to Elvis Presley on the drive back home, and sang _Burning Love_ together. Who would have thought that a simple car ride could be this incredible?

When they got home, Dean pushed Castiel against the door and kissed him. Castiel circled his arms around Dean’s waist and gripped his back. Dean dug his fingers in the waistband of Castiel’s pants and pulled him closer. Cas parted his lips and his tongue did wonderful things in Dean’s mouth. Dean arched his back and groaned as their erections pressed together.

“Why do you feel so good?” Cas whispered. He bit Dean’s lower lip, and it made Dean tremble.

“Why do you sound surprised?” Dean asked. He took his time to kiss the length of Castiel’s neck, softly.

Castiel breathed unevenly. “I don’t want to ruin what we have.”

“Nothing will be ruined,” Dean promised. He knew he couldn’t assure this, but he couldn’t think straight when Castiel’s hands were roaming inside his shirt. Just his touch alone was enough to make Dean lose clarity.

“You’re my favorite person,” Cas said, and suddenly he was holding Dean’s face in his hands. “I hope you know that.”

Dean smiled and leaned into the touch. “You’re mine, too.”

Castiel wasn’t much shorter than Dean, but he stood on his toes and whispered into Dean’s ear, “Take me to your bed.”

“Your wish is my command,” Dean said. Before he thought better of it, he hefted Cas in his arms. Cas wrapped his legs around Dean and kissed him, hard. Dean walked toward his bedroom, but he bumped into the walls. Cas laughed and pulled back.

“Maybe I should walk,” Cas said.

Dean shook his head, gripping his arms tightly around Castiel. He had a good hold of him. “This is harder than it looks.”

Castiel kissed the tip of Dean’s nose. “Dean Winchester, you’re amazing, and strong.”

“Okay, _Castiel Novak_.”

Castiel laughed again. “I don’t think either one of us know how to take a compliment.”

Dean could almost cry out in victory when he made it to his room. He brought Cas down to the bed and crawled over him. Cas pulled up Dean’s shirt and tossed it aside. At first, Dean attempted to unbutton Castiel’s shirt with his teeth, but when that went totally wrong, he just used his hands. “How did that guy do it in the movie?”

“Don’t believe everything you see in television,” Cas said, undoing his pants.

“I’m just saying, we’re wasting precious time with these buttons,” Dean said, and then he finally removed Cas’s shirt.

Castiel rolled his eyes. “Why don’t you lecture me about my clothing after we do this?”

Dean reached his nightstand and grabbed his condoms and lube. By that time, Castiel was completely naked, while Dean still wore his pants. “How did you do that?”

“Television magic,” Cas said.

Dean laughed. He kissed Castiel chastely, now that the rush was over. He held Castiel’s hard cock in his hand and stroked it as he continued kissing him. Dean dug his fingers in Castiel’s hair with his free hand.

Castiel moaned and Dean echoed the sound. His pants were really tight, but he wanted to taste more of Castiel before he could take care of himself. He kissed Castiel’s chest, and he sucked on a nipple. Castiel panted and his fingernails dug into Dean’s shoulders.  “Dean,” he breathed.

Dean moved lower. He removed his hand and took Castiel’s leaking cock into his mouth. He looked up in time to witness the way Castiel’s face crumbled, and his eyes shut. Cas licked his lips, savoring the moment. Dean would have smiled if he could.

“Dean, Dean, I want—” Castiel gasped.

Dean pulled back, releasing Castiel’s throbbing cock. “Tell me.”

“I want you in me,” Cas rasped.

Dean was more than happy to obey. His last two layers of clothing were gone in record time. His cock was painfully hard. Dean nearly yelped when Castiel’s hands enveloped him. Dean spread lube on his fingers and leaned over Cas again. He kissed him and looked into his eyes.

Castiel nodded before kissing him again.

Dean placed his index finger into Castiel’s opening. Castiel’s body tensed under him, but them he relaxed, allowing Dean to move his finger. “How you doing, baby?” Dean didn’t even blink at the sudden nickname. He was too preoccupied by other things.

“I want more,” Cas said. His voice was deep and commanding. It sent chills up Dean’s spine. Castiel’s hand continued stroking Dean to the point that he was worried he would come before he could even be inside him. Dean pushed another finger in, trying to loosen the entrance. Another moment passed before Castiel said, “I want you, Dean. Come inside me.”

“Dear lord,” Dean gasped. This whole commanding thing was very suiting on Castiel. “I’m getting hard just by the sound of your voice.”

Cas smirked. “Now, Dean.”

Dean put a condom on, slithered it with lube and settled once more atop Castiel. The moment he entered, just barely, Dean bit his lip. He watched Castiel’s expression, making sure he wasn’t hurting him. Cas closed his eyes. Dean buried himself in deeper until he was completely inside him. Cas winced.

“Cas, are you okay?”

“I’m okay,” Cas said, opening his eyes. “I want you to move.”

Dean wrapped a hand under Castiel’s waist and started to thrust. Dean exhaled in relief, and Castiel moaned. “You should see your hair right now,” Dean whispered.

Castiel touched a hand to Dean’s cheek. “I’d rather see you.”

Dean kissed Cas’s hand, closing his eyes. He moved slowly at first, and then—at Castiel’s request—he moved faster. Dean nuzzled his face in Castiel’s neck while Cas wrapped his arms tightly around him.

_Don’t ever let me go_ , Dean thought. That thought alone should have terrified Dean, but up until this moment, it hadn’t occurred to Dean that he might actually want something serious with Castiel. This wouldn’t be enough. Dean didn’t just want one night with Castiel. He wanted every night with him. He wanted to continue sharing every meal with him. Dean wanted to kiss him in public without worrying about anyone taking a picture.

Dean wanted Cas. It was plain and simple.

“Dean,” Cas groaned as he came all over Dean’s abdomen. Dean bent down to kiss him again, but instead they bumped heads with each other. They shared a long, glorious laugh.

Dean hit his climax soon after that. He bit into Castiel’s shoulder to keep from yelling.

Cas was the brave one who decided to grab a towel to clean up after themselves. He disposed of the towel and returned to bed. They both lied on their side and shared the same blanket.

Dean looked at him with heavy-lidded eyes. “You are so beautiful. I hope you’re not a mirage in the desert.”

Castiel scooted closer to Dean and draped an arm over Dean’s waist. “If I am, then you are, too. Perhaps we’re both roaming the desert right this second.”

“I’ll stick it out if I get to keep you,” Dean said. He was so sleepy, and he could tell Cas was too. But they were both too stubborn to fall asleep yet. Dean wanted to talk to him. He wanted to just lie beside Cas and talk to him all night long.

“Dean?”

“Hmm?”

“In the morning, I’ll be cleaning your room.”

Dean chuckled, and then yawned. “It’s not that bad.”

“Are you kidding? I’m afraid there are living things crawling under the piles of clothes.”

“Nonsense,” Dean mumbled.

Castiel traced Dean’s lips with his fingertips. “Aren’t you worried?”

“About what?” Dean blinked, trying to stay awake.

“That we can’t go back to what we were before,” Cas said. He was frowning.

“We won’t have to,” Dean said. _I don’t want to._

Cas was quiet, and then he said, “Goodnight, Dean.”

“’Night.” Dean closed his eyes with a smile.


	12. The Things that Remain

The next morning, Dean woke up happy. It dawned on him that this was because his morning hard-on was being taken care of by a skilled mouth. The moment Dean opened his eyes he was pleasantly delighted to find a set of blue eyes gazing at him. Dean bucked his hips, but they didn’t move much because two hands were holding him down.

“Oh, Jesus,” Dean moaned, burying his fingers in Castiel’s hair.

Castiel’s eyes lit up and he seemed to be grinning, somehow.

“Fuck.” Dean closed his eyes and groaned long and loud as he climaxed. Castiel swallowed him. Dean went cross-eyed for a moment. He threw his head back on the bed and panted.

“I cleaned up your room already, so there’s no reason to make another mess now,” Castiel explained, climbing out of bed. “Good morning, Dean.”

Dean made a noise that could have been words, but he wasn’t sure. He rolled to his side and noticed that his room had really gone through a makeover. His entire floor was clear. He could finally see the desk in the corner. And his rocking chair. There were albums stacked there, too. So many things he’d forgotten he owned.

“What do you think?” Castiel asked. He picked up a notepad from Dean’s desk. “I put away plenty of items, and I kept notes of the places I put them so you won’t have an issue finding them.”

Dean smiled and tapped the empty spot in his bed. “Lay down with me.”

Castiel set the notepad back on the desk and went to sit in front of Dean. “Did you sleep well?”

“I did,” Dean said. He took Castiel’s hand, laced it with his, and kissed it.

Castiel smiled and unhinged his shoulders. It was until now that Dean realized Cas looked a little tense.

“I had a great time last night,” Dean muttered. “I always have a great time with you.”

“Dean, I don’t want to ruin our morning…” he trailed off.

“What’s the matter, Cas?” Dean sat up, but kept their hands intertwined.

Castiel looked him in the eyes, like always. Like he had nothing to hide. “Before today, I…I wasn’t completely aware how much I care about you.” He blinked. “I knew you were my friend and being with you made me happy, but now? I want to make _you_ happy.”

Dean smiled as his chest filled with a sweet sensation. “I want to make you happy, too.”

Castiel hesitated. “Do you remember what you said to me once, that you only did one-night stands?”

“Ah,” Dean said, finally understanding Castiel’s concerns. “Yeah, I remember all the stupid shit I’ve said. But Cas, in all the time you’ve known me, have you seen me hook up with anyone?”

“No.” Cas shook his head. “Why is that?”

“’Cause I had you,” Dean said. And he was sure about that. “I didn’t need to find comfort in another person—a stranger—for one night, ‘cause I had you here.”

Castiel looked at Dean for a moment, and then a smile spread on his lips. “Alright, that’s enough of that. Would you like some breakfast? We have to meet Sam and Jess in two hours to take them to the set.”

Stretching on the bed, Dean groaned and rubbed his face. “I forget we have shit to do. Why can’t we stay in bed all day?”

“Productivity is essential,” Cas said. He bent over and smacked Dean’s naked ass. “Get up.”

“How dare you?” Dean rushed out of bed, chasing after Castiel, who could not stop laughing.

 

*******

 

Sam was fascinated by the film set. He touched the props and posed for embarrassing photos taken graciously by Jess. Dean came to the realization that his brother was a complete dork, but he kept the discovery to himself.

“This is amazing,” Sam said. “Isn’t it amazing?”

Jess nodded. “It’s amazing.”

“It’s my job,” Dean said. “If you had to be here on the daily, you wouldn’t think it’s so amazing.”

“Don’t listen to him,” Cas said.

Setting down a coffee mug, Sam approached them. “I haven’t seen Bela around anywhere. Is she okay?”

Dean rubbed the back of his neck. “I don’t know. She should be in her trailer.”

“Can we go see her?”

“She’s not an animal at the zoo, Sammy,” Dean said.

Sam stared at Dean. “Come on, Dean. I gotta see her.”

Dean let out a breath. “Okay, fine. Follow me.” He turned on his heels and stomped to Bela’s trailer. He knocked on her door, wishing she wasn’t there. Of course, though, she was.

“Dean, what a surprise.” Bela looked behind him. “I see you brought your posse.”

Dean cleared his throat, motioning at everyone else. “Bela, meet Sam. He’s my brother. And that’s Jess, Sam’s friend.”

Bela touched her stomach. She had a visible bump growing already. She was close to her first trimester, by Dean’s calculation. “Come on in, everyone.”

Dean stepped back and watched as Sam and Jess went in. He shared a glance with Castiel before he entered.

“I’ve seen all your movies, Bela Talbot,” Sam said, jumping right to it. “ _All of them_.”

“Yes, he has,” Jess said. “He’s big on rom-coms.”

“I like a happy ending,” Sam said with a shrug.

“Well, so do I.” Bella touched a hand to Sam’s arm and let it slide down. “I’m sure you heard about my pregnancy. Who hasn’t?”

Sam flushed, and he turned to Dean. “My brother hasn’t told me much, but you should know that if you ever need anything, I’ll be there to help. Let me give you my card.” Sam reached inside his wallet and pulled out a business card.

“Why do you have those?” Dean asked.

“I’m a soon-to-be lawyer, Dean. I need to build an image,” Sam said, handing his card to Bela. “Anything at all, call me.”

“You are such a gentleman, Sam,” Bela said. She glanced briefly at Dean before turning back to Sam. “I’m just so lucky to have met you two. Dean isn’t the type of man to deny being the father of our baby out of cowardice. He would never do something like that. And you are such a charming person.”

Castiel stepped forward. “Bela, I find it entirely too interesting how just months ago you were dating a member of a band named _Slingshot_. The band that recently went on tour. What happened with that?”

Bela feigned casual laughter, turning to Castiel. “Where did you hear that?”

“Cassie mentioned it,” Castiel said. “It’s truly fascinating how you were dating both him and Dean around the same time you wound up pregnant.”

Bela stepped closer to Castiel. “That isn’t true, Castiel. What you heard is wrong. I don’t appreciate you spreading those false rumors.”

Castiel raised both of his hands and took a step back. “It seems to me that rumors have already spread among us.”

“What’s your angle?” Bela asked, while everyone in the room stiffened. “We all know you have some weird obsession with Dean. Are you worried I’m going to take him away from you?”

“Bela, please stop,” Dean said, wincing. This had gone too far. “We’re leaving.”

“That’s a great idea,” Jess said, heading for the door. Sam followed after her and they both were gone.

Dean watched as Cas continued staring down Bela. “Cas?”

“I hope you realize someday that your friends are more important than your fame or your status in the media,” Castiel said. “You’re willing to lose Dean as a friend to save your ego. I would advise you to think long and hard about the choice you’re making.”

Bela was silent.

“Come on, Cas,” Dean said, holding open the door. He wanted to hug Cas for all the things he’d said, but he was just thankful when he walked out of the trailer with him.

“Somehow I don’t think she’ll choose right,” Castiel said.

“It’s enough knowing that you would,” Dean said.

 

*******

 

Sam and Jess had plans so Dean went to the Roadhouse with Castiel. It had been weeks since he’d seen Charlie and Jo, so he invited them both to join them. When they showed up, Dean and Castiel sat farther away from each other. Dean couldn’t understand why they had to hide their relationship. When he’d asked Castiel, his response had been, “It won’t be forever.”

Charlie bought them all a round of tequila shots.

Jo lifted up her shot glass. “To the time that’s passed since we last hung out.”

“And all the things that’ve changed,” Charlie said, lifting her own.

“To a night full of dancing,” Dean said, covering Castiel’s hand under the table.

“And to the infinite possibilities of the night,” Castiel said.

They drank their bitter tequila simultaneously.

Dean squeezed a lemon wedge into his mouth, and then Castiel took Dean’s wrist and moved it closer to him so he could suck the remaining juices from the lemon. It was oddly intimate, but their friends didn’t comment on it.

“I have something to say. This is important, you guys,” Jo said, getting their attention.

“What’s wrong?” Dean said.

“I broke it off with Danny,” Jo said.

“WHAT?” Charlie said.

“I realized I was wasting my time, and at the end of the day, it didn’t feel right,” Jo said, flicking her hair back. “But I’m okay with my decision.”

“I’m proud of you.” Charlie wrapped her arm around Jo’s shoulders.

“Me too,” Castiel said. “That must have been tough.”

Jo nodded. “It was, but I’m sure it’s not as tough as Dean getting his co-star pregnant. What the hell is up with that?”

Dean shrunk in his seat. “I’d rather not talk about Bela tonight.”

“Since when are you full of secrets, Dean Winchester?” Charlie wondered, setting her chin on her hand.

“I’m not full of secrets,” Dean said, releasing Castiel’s hand from under the table.

“I don’t care that you kept your relationship with Bela secret from us, man,” Jo said. “I just seriously hope you’re happy. If she makes you happy, then that’s all that matters.”

Dean sighed. It was tortuous having to keep this lie going. Not to mention pointless. “How about we dance?”

“I’ve only had one shot!” Charlie said. “I need way more to get me started.”

“I’ll dance with you,” Cas said, smiling.

“Great,” Dean said, getting out of his seat. He took Castiel’s hand as he led them to the dance floor. Dean pulled Castiel close like he’d done the first time.

“How fond are you of scary things?” Castiel asked, gripping both of Dean’s hands in his own and swaying his hips. He’d gotten much better at dancing. Dean couldn’t help think he was a great teacher.

“Scary things?” Dean raised his eyebrows.

“Do you believe in ghosts?” Castiel asked, biting his lip.

“I’ve never really thought about that,” Dean confessed. Sure, he liked horror films and books. He loved a good scary story, but he never thought of them as real. Not really. If ghosts were real, then that would leave a chance for his parents to be ghosts, and that was too much to think about.

“There’s an abandoned motel I would like to check out,” Castiel said. “People say it’s haunted.”

Dean grinned. “You want to hunt for ghosts? What are you, nine?”

Castiel was not dismayed by Dean’s remark. “All I’m saying is I wouldn’t mind being in the dark with you.”

Dean nodded, kissing the back of Castiel’s hand. “Well, when you put it that way.”

“Will you join me, then?” Castiel said. “Tonight?”

“Cas, I would love to make a fool of myself in your honor,” Dean said.

“It’s nice to know you care.” Castiel laughed, although the sound was nothing more than a quiet rumble buried in the sound of the music.

They danced together until Charlie and Jo finally joined them, and then they danced some more.


	13. A Turn of Events

The motel was located in the middle of a desolate and dark street. It was as if it was intentionally made to look frightening. There were no other cars parked on the side of the street aside from the Impala. They both got out of the car and walked toward the main entrance. Two glass doors were taped and locked up.

Dean was starting to regret agreeing to this ghost hunt. The moment Dean turned to protest, Cas pressed his lips to his, wrapping his arms around his neck. Dean closed his eyes and gave in to the kiss. It was sweet and gentle. Dean was getting used to kissing those same lips.

“I’m afraid,” Castiel whispered against Dean’s lips.

“I’ll protect you from the monsters,” Dean said, pressing their lips together one more time. A promise.

Castiel smiled and slowly let go of Dean. He dug out two flashlights from his jacket and handed one to Dean. “I can work the lock. You hold up the flashlight.”

“You got it.” Dean held up the light while Castiel did some magic with a paperclip and soon after, the lock was opened.  “Cas, are you secretly a criminal of some sort?”

“Not so much anymore,” Cas said, and he smiled coyly. “I’m not proud of what I’ve done to survive.”

Dean knew what he was referring to. Castiel’s adolescence, his time without a home, all the unimaginable things Cas had been subjected to. To survive, as he put it. To continue existing. Dean nodded once. He could never judge Cas for any of that. He never would. “Let’s go on inside for some good old ghost hunting.”

Castiel held the door open so Dean could go in. Dean held up both flashlights while Cas let the door close quietly. Cas took his flashlight from Dean and they walked through the main office. “The keys are still here, to open up the rooms,” Cas mumbled, heading behind the front desk.

“Are we going to open all the rooms?” Dean asked. That sounded like a lot of work. If there really were any ghosts, they surely would not appreciate being disturbed.

“No, just room sixteen,” Cas said, rummaging through a box he’d found on the floor.

“We could get arrested for this,” Dean said.

Cas held up a handful of keys and flashed his light at Dean. “I can run fast.”

“Well, I can’t.”

“That’s unfortunate, Dean.”

Dean rolled his eyes. “Come on, let’s go check out room sixteen.”

“Did you feel that? I got chills.”

“I didn’t feel anything,” Dean said, wondering if Castiel was just trying to scare him.

“It felt like someone blew air on my neck.” Cas made his way to Dean. “A young boy hung himself in room sixteen. After killing his parents.”

“Why would you want to visit with this ghost, then?” Dean flashed his light at Cas, trying to read his face, but Cas just looked away blankly.

“I’m not certain,” Castiel said, finally looking at Dean. “Come with me.”

Dean followed Castiel back outside. They headed to room sixteen. Cas knelt down and tried all of the unlabeled keys, one by one, trying to open the door. Dean wondered why he didn’t just use the paper clip again, but maybe it was all part of the adventure.

“Why would anyone kill their parents?” Dean wondered aloud. “Hell, I’d do anything to have my parents back, but this kid goes off and kills his? I don’t get it.”

Cas glanced up at him. “What happened to your parents, Dean? You’ve never told me.”

Dean shrugged. “I don’t like talking about that.”

Cas nodded. “I understand.”

And just like that, Cas didn’t push for more. He was probably really curious, but he didn’t pry.

So, while Castiel continued trying every key unsuccessfully, Dean shared a little bit about his past. He told Cas a shorter version of the events that happened that caused the death of his parents. He told him about living in Kansas, and moving to California with Sammy because he wanted to study and Dean couldn’t stand being so far away from him. Dean told him about going to acting auditions when he couldn’t find a job he liked and he realized he was good at acting and he slowly kept getting better roles. Dean told him more than he had ever told another person in one go, and by the end Cas had given up with the keys. They sat against the door to room sixteen, in the darkness of the night, Cas listening to Dean’s voice and Dean content to finally share his story with his best friend.

“I’m sorry about your parents,” Castiel said at last.

“Thanks,” Dean muttered.

“Would you ever go back, to Kansas?” Castiel asked.

Dean looked at him. “Someday, maybe. To see my parents, maybe see my old house.”

“You have a home in Kansas, you know,” Cas told him. “If you ever want to go, you must know you do. I have a small house with a big yard. I have a hammock where I can sit and read all day. I have a vegetable garden and I can make fresh salads every day. I’ve lived alone in it for many years.” Cas glanced at Dean with a smile. “I want you to know that that is your home, too.”

Dean smiled in return and held Castiel’s hand. “I don’t know what I would do without you.”

“Don’t be afraid of your hometown, Dean,” Cas said. “The place where you come from is important.” Cas squeezed Dean’s hand.

“Couldn’t get the door open?” Dean asked, pointing behind them.

“No. It looks like our ghost won’t let us in,” Cas said with a sigh. “We might as well go home.”

Dean nodded. “Sounds good to me.”

“We can have a better time at home, anyway.” Castiel hauled Dean to his feet.

“I’m sure we can.” Dean laughed.

They walked back to the Impala, but Castiel turned back one last time to look at the door of room sixteen and he shivered involuntarily.

“Are you cold?” Dean wondered.

“No,” Cas said, hugging himself.

Dean drove them fast out of there.

 

*******

 

“A pool party?” he asked. Dean didn’t think going to a pool party with Cas and Bela was such a good idea. But Sam and Jess both insisted that it would be good for all of them to spend time together.

“Jess’s friend has a huge pool in her backyard and she says you’re all invited,” Sam said.

“Claudia also says she would love to have celebrities over,” Jess said. “I think you’d be doing her a favor by going.”

“But why does Bela have to go?” Dean asked.

“Dean, she’s having your child,” Sam said.

Dean rubbed his face. “Cas won’t like this.”

“Why?” Sam wondered.

“In case you didn’t notice the tension last time they were together in a room, they don’t exactly like each other,” Dean said.

Jess hummed. “I wonder why that is. Has Cas told you anything?”

“Look, the problem here isn’t Cas,” Dean said. The problem was the compulsive liar that was Bela Talbot.

“I didn’t think you were the type to get a girl pregnant and abandon her,” Sam said, shaking his head.

“I’m not abandoning her, Sammy. I’m not.”

Castiel stepped out of his bedroom, yawning. “Oh, I didn’t think everyone would be gathered in the living room. Is this an intervention?”

“Nope,” Sam said. “We’re all going to a pool party today.”

“Are we?” Cas said, looking to Dean. He looked suddenly thrilled by the idea.

Dean sighed. “Yeah. We _all_ are.”

 

*******

 

When they arrived at the pool party Bela was already there, and she climbed out of her shiny Volvo. As soon as they got out, Bela approached Dean and kissed his cheek, then proceeded to wrap her arm around his.

“It’s good seeing you, Bela,” Sam said.

“You too. Thank you so much for inviting me.” Bela grinned. She touched her small bump and snuggled close to Dean. Sam and Jess walked ahead of them toward the house.

“What are you doing?” Dean whispered.

“I’m being your lovely girlfriend,” Bela whispered back.

Castiel cleared his throat, walking beside them. “Hello, Bela.”

“Oh, I figured you’d tag along,” Bela said. “That’s all you ever do, isn’t it?”

“Cas is my friend, Bela, and you’re gonna have to show him some respect,” Dean said through his teeth.

“I have no intentions of arguing with you today,” Castiel said, keeping his head straight.

Bela laughed. “God, he must really be into you, Dean.”

Dean raised his eyebrows. “Why don’t we keep the chatter to a minimum?”

They were welcomed to the house and given VIP treatment. Dean wasn’t used to so much of that. Everyone practically worshipped him here. For being an actor. Crazy.

After they settled in and found a comfortable spot to relax, Cas pulled out a book and started reading. Dean watched him for a second and smiled absently, thinking about the forgotten worry lines in Castiel’s face as he read. It was a sight worth admiring. Bela removed her dress and revealed a two-piece swimsuit that showed off her bump even more. A group of cheering girls surrounded her, and she seemed to be having the best time of her life splitting her attention between them. Sam and Jess headed straight to the water, jumping in together. They were so in sync that Dean was slightly taken aback.

Finally, Dean sat back on a chair and soaked in the sun.

“What are you reading?” Dean asked Cas after a while.

“I’m reading a poetry book by this Mexican-American author I recently discovered,” Cas said, flipping a page. “It’s entitled: _The Book of What Remains_. I’m really enjoying it so far.”

“I don’t do poetry,” Dean said. “Not my thing.”

“Have you read any poetry lately?” Cas asked.

“No. It’s not my thing,” Dean repeated.

“If you don’t try it, then how do you know you don’t like it?”

Dean narrowed his eyes at him. “Because I don’t. Why do you have to keep asking?”

“Dean, I was asking a legitimate question.”

“Okay, fine, I’ve never read any poetry,” Dean said. “It looks fucking boring, that’s why. Some of them don’t even rhyme. What the hell is that about?”

Castiel threw his head back in laughter. “You’re so cute.”

_"Cute?”_ Dean looked around to make sure no one had heard what had escaped Castiel’s lips. “Did you just call me cute? What’s wrong with you, man?”

“You’re cute, Dean. Don’t fight me on this.” Cas smirked.

“Cute,” Dean mumbled to himself. “No one calls me cute. Hmph.”

“I certainly just did,” Cas said, getting back to his book.

Dean turned his back on Cas. He’d never been so offended in his life. Things that were cute included and were limited to: babies, kittens, puppies, and turtles. Dean Winchester did not belong anywhere near that word.

It wasn’t long after that when they heard the news. It was in everyone’s Twitter newsfeed and on most TV channels. A plane crash. No survivors. The private plane in which every member of the rock band _Slingshot_ was traveling as they made their way to their international tour. The news traveled fast. And when they reached Bela, as she dipped her feet in the pool, she fainted.

Dean rushed to her side, along with everyone else at the party. He carried her inside to an empty bedroom. Sam covered her up with a blanket and a few of the girls that had been surrounding her cried worriedly at her side.

“I called an ambulance,” Cas said.

Dean swallowed, staring at Bela’s limp body. Her hands were folded on her belly. “It must have been the news.”

“Most likely,” Cas said.

“The news about the band?” Sam asked.

Jess entered the room with a glass of water. “She’s still out?”

“Ambulance is on the way,” Sam told her.

“What happened out there?” Jess asked.

Dean shared a glance with Cas. “I think it had to do with the plane crash.”

“Oh,” Jess said. “That was true, about the relationship she had with one of the guys in the band?”

Dean shrugged. “It’s not my place to speak on it.” And it wasn’t. Dean knew how to respect a person’s privacy.

Bela awoke before the ambulance arrived, but still she was checked to make sure everything was alright with her and the baby. It turned out there was nothing to worry about. When the EMTs left, Bela started crying. She cried and she sobbed so hard that Dean wanted to get the team back in the room. She wasn’t hurt, though. Dean understood that later. She was mourning.

“Bela, calm down.” Dean tried to speak above her sobs, but his efforts were futile. The girls who were with her slowly started to leave until it was just Dean, Cas, Sam, and Jess in the room with her, watching her pain.

“I think it’s better if we leave, too,” Jess said, pulling Sam with her.

Cas looked at Dean, and Dean nodded. Cas turned and left the room with them.

Dean sat on the bed and held Bela while she cried. He didn’t say anything else.


	14. On Solid Ground

It was dark by the time Dean dropped Bela off at her house. She was still touching her stomach, but she hadn’t said a word. Dean figured she was in a state of shock. When he’d asked her if she wanted to go home, Bela simply nodded. At some point, she’d stopped crying.

Dean helped Bela out of her seat and walked her to her front door. Bela’s house was more of a mansion than a regular house. It was in a gated community. She had a fountain in her front lawn, and tall windows. Dean couldn’t image how lonely she must feel all alone in that house. He never really was much of a friend to her. Never wondered if she was alright. In spite of everything she’d put him through, Dean held no resentment toward Bela.

Inside the house, Dean closed the door while Bela moved quietly to her sofa. She sprawled on it and her bottom lip started quivering. Dean knelt beside her, running a hand through her hair, pushing it away from her face.

“Dean, I’m so—I’m so sad,” Bela said, holding back her tears. “I’m sorry. I’m really sorry about everything. I shouldn’t have lied and I shouldn’t be feeling like this.”

“Don’t apologize right now,” Dean said. “I know you’re sorry. You have to be strong, for your baby.”

“My baby doesn’t have a dad anymore,” Bela said, sucking in a breath. “He’s dead.”

Dean swallowed the knot in his throat. “Bela, I know you’re hurting, but look on the bright side, you have a big future ahead of you. You are the star of _Coffee Dates_. You are the enchanting girl who has Michael jumping through hoops. Everyone adores you.”

Bela stared up at him. A smile ghosted her lips. “I am really incredible, aren’t I?”

“You are one of a kid, Bela, believe me.” Dean grinned.

Bela sat up and wiped away the few tears that had escaped. “I’m going to finish this movie and I’m going to have my baby and we’re going to be the happiest family in the universe. I’m a wonderful, talented actress. I’m going to surpass this and every other adversities because I am Bela Talbot.”

Dean laughed and nodded. “That’s right, you are. So, why don’t you take a bath, try to relax, and get some rest so we can get back to work tomorrow?”

“Jason’s dead,” Bela said suddenly, and for a second, Dean thought he’d lost her again. “I have to tell the world that he was my baby’s father. They have to know.”

“Great idea,” Dean said. He was grateful he didn’t have to force her to be honest. Maybe Bela was really starting to see reason.

“Dean, I’m really sorry for all the troubles I caused with my lies,” Bela said, and she sounded sincere. “I will see you and Cas first thing in the morning.”

Dean waited until Bela headed upstairs to leave. When he arrived at his apartment, Castiel was already there. Sam and Jess had offered to drop him off when he’d told them he was taking Bela home. The house smelled so good, Dean’s mouth instantly watered. Dean followed the smell into the kitchen, where Cas was checking the oven.

“Honey, I’m home.” Dean grabbed Castiel by the arm and drew him in for a kiss. Closing his eyes, Dean moved his hands to Castiel’s sides and held him firmly until he’d kissed his lips red.

Cas hummed, removing his oven mitts and hitting Dean with one of them. “Watch out. I could have burned you.”

Dean climbed on top of the counter behind him and swung his legs. “You could never hurt me.” And for a moment, Dean really believed that.

“I’m making dinner,” Cas explained the obvious, propping himself against Dean, who spread his legs to make room for Castiel in between. “How did it go with Bela?” he asked while Dean nibbled on his earlobe.

Dean pulled away and heaved a sigh. “I think she’ll push through this. And apparently she’s going to come clean about the baby not being mine.”

“Oh, yeah? What will you tell your brother?” Cas pressed his lips on Dean’s chin and slowly worked a trail up his jaw. The feel of his stubble tickled Dean’s skin in the best way. Dean could hardly concentrate on the topic, especially once Castiel’s hands started marking patterns on his thighs and his back. Castiel really loved touching him, which worked great because Dean loved touching him, too.

“I’ll talk to him,” Dean said, his voice a little shaky. “I fucking love coming home to you.”

Cas let out a quiet laugh. “I hadn’t noticed.”

Dean scooted closer until his growing bulge pressed against Castiel’s stomach. Dean groaned, covering Castiel’s mouth with his. Cas smiled within the kiss before he cupped Dean’s erection in his hands, and then he sucked on Dean’s lip. “Fuck,” Dean hissed.

The oven timer dinged and Castiel pulled away, pressing his forehead against Dean’s. “I would love to continue this, but dinner first.”

“Excuse me, I have serious needs,” Dean said, motioning to his tightened pants.

“I know. All in its own time, Dean.” Cas kissed the corner of Dean’s lips before he turned and put his oven mitts back on. “Go wash up for dinner.”

“I need a week-long shower to wash up after this,” Dean protested. The only thing in his mind at the moment was Castiel, naked. Even Castiel clothed would do.

Dean knew he had it bad the moment he missed Castiel’s touch as soon as it was taken away from him. The moment he missed the blue in his eyes when he turned away. The moment he missed his voice when he wasn’t speaking. Holy shit. Dean was falling—if he hadn’t already fallen—in love with Castiel. With his best friend.

 

*******

 

**EXT. FOOTBALL FIELD. EVENING.**

_A high school football game is going on. Players are tackling each other down. LESLIE sits next to MICHAEL on the bleachers. They are both cheering on for JEREMY, LESLIE’s brother. A player is hit too hard, and they both wince sympathetically._

_During a cheer, JIMMY shows up to the game. MICHAEL looks thrilled, but LESLIE appears confused about his arrival._

 

**JIMMY**

Hope I didn’t miss much.

 

**MICHAEL**

Nah, the guest team stinks.

 

**LESLIE**

Hi, Jimmy. I didn’t know we were  
expecting you.

 

**MICHAEL**

(to LESLIE)

I invited him.

  
**JIMMY**

(frowning)

Am I interrupting?

 

**LESLIE**

Well—

 

**MICHAEL**

Not at all. Sit down.

 

_MICHAEL scoots over to make enough room for JIMMY on the bleachers. After an awkward beat of silence, MICHAEL gets up._

 

**MICHAEL**

I’m gonna get some snacks.  
Can I get you guys anything?

 

**JIMMY**

Ooh, I want popcorn. And a drink.

 

**MICHAEL**

(smiles)

Diet Mountain Dew, right?

 

**JIMMY**

(nods)

Don’t bring me anything else.

 

**LESLIE**

I don’t want anything.

 

**MICHAEL**

Alright, then. I’ll just let you two…talk.

 

_MICHAEL takes off, leaving JIMMY and LESLIE alone with each other. JIMMY watches the game as he moves closer to LESLIE, and he stops when their arms are nearly touching._

 

 

**JIMMY**

(faces LESLIE)

I know you don’t want me here.

 

**LESLIE**

(continues watching the game)

I don’t have a problem with you.

 

**JIMMY**

That’s not what I said. Look, Mike is my  
closest friend. He’s closer to me than my own  
family. He matters to me more than you could ever   
understand. And even if you tried, it would be too  
much for you to bear. I love that man.

 

_LESLIE turns to JIMMY and studies his face. They stay like that for a long moment._

 

**JIMMY**

(smiles)

I think you misunderstood me.  
I love that man like a brother. He’s one of the best  
people I’ve met, and I don’t intend to let that  
go unnoticed.

 

**LESLIE**

You told him not to trust me. You made  
him doubt me.

 

**JIMMY**

I told him what I saw. I told him about your ex,  
and I told him about the other guys.

 

**LESLIE**

There were no other guys.

 

**JIMMY**

I didn’t know that. I wanted him to be sure.  
You are beautiful, Leslie. And I’m sure your heart  
is good. But I wasn’t going to put you before him.  
I needed to protect him from any possible heartache.

 

**LESLIE**

You have no idea how much influence you have  
over him.

 

**JIMMY**

That goes both ways. That’s why I’m here.

 

_MICHAEL returns carrying two bags of popcorn and one drink. He hands one of the bags to JIMMY and keeps the soda to himself. MICHAEL sits between JIMMY and LESLIE._

 

**MICHAEL**

(to JIMMY)

We can share.

 

**JIMMY**

Thanks, Mike.

 

**MICHAEL**

So, what did you two talk about?

 

**LESLIE**

(facing JIMMY)

Not much. I think we’re okay.

 

**MICHAEL**

Yeah? (to JIMMY) We’re all good?

 

**JIMMY**

(takes the soda from MICHAEL)

We’re as good as a book in a library.

 

**MICHAEL**

(laughing)

I’m really glad you’re here, buddy.

 

**JIMMY**

So am I.

 

_LESLIE rests her head on MICHAEL’s shoulder and in response he kisses the top of her head. JIMMY smiles at both of them._

_PAN OUT as the wind blows heavily._

 

*******

 

After yet another long day of shooting, Dean felt oddly rested. Now that the truth was out about his situation with Bela, Dean felt lighter. In light of the news, Sam had been appalled at Bela for lying to Dean, but Dean decided it was best to come clean about everything. Sam didn’t take the real truth any better, but at least he didn’t hate Dean for lying either. They hugged it out and dropped the subject, and Sam went back home with Jess (who was still not his girlfriend). Dean had been long forgotten by mostly everyone on the set. On the other hand, Bela received double the attention, and she was obviously delighted. She disappeared soon after their last scene was done for the day.

Bobby walked up to Dean and Cas, who remained seated on the bleachers. “That was excellent, boys,” he said.

“Thank you, Bobby,” Dean said.

“I’m glad you think so,” Cas said with a nod.

Bobby laughed. “I’m not the only one that thinks so. I believe the three of you already have some fans amongst the crew. We’re all sure this film’s gonna be a big success.”

“Let’s hope so,” Dean said. He tried not to get his hopes up about this kind of stuff. Sometimes films didn’t do as well as everyone anticipated. Either way, he didn’t regret being a part of this. “We only have two more weeks left of shooting.”

“Two more weeks until all of this is over,” Cas muttered.

“No, son, it’s quite the opposite,” Bobby said, crossing his arms. “When the shooting is over, everything begins.”

Cas smiled, but it faded away quickly.

When Bobby left to gather his things, Dean turned to Cas. “He’s right, you know. After we’re done here, we’ll have a hundred talk shows and interviews to attend and promote it. Our work is far from over.” Dean’s agent, Garth, had already lined up his TV appearances for months to come.

“You were born for acting, Dean,” Cas said, touching a hand to Dean’s shoulder.

“So were you,” Dean said.

Cas shook his head. “I don’t know how you stand it. The rumors. The gossip. The drama. The complete lack of privacy.”

“I have privacy,” Dean said, narrowing his eyes. What was Cas getting at?

“ _We_ have privacy right now,” Cas said, “because we’re hiding our relationship.”

“It won’t be forever,” Dean said, repeating Castiel’s words.

“No, baby,” he whispered. “It won’t.” Castiel licked his lips and stood up. Dean stood with him, studying his face and trying to make sense of his words. Cas couldn’t possibly be referring to their relationship not lasting forever. They were on solid ground. They were unbelievably happy. Dean knew his paranoia had everything to do with his new knowledge. He loved Castiel, and the thought of losing him scared the hell out of him.

“We should go home,” Cas said, glancing at him with unflinching affection in his navy eyes, and Dean knew they would be okay.


	15. I've Got an Elastic Heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here concludes the screenplay of the movie Coffee Dates.

There was nothing like a good hike early in the morning.

Cas was much quicker and lighter on his feet. He walked for long periods of time and his breathing was steady, unlike Dean, who gasped for air within the first fifteen minutes. They were taking another much needed break, upon Dean’s request. There was nothing to sit on, so Dean leaned on a tree.

Watching Castiel drink from his water bottle was an experience Dean was grateful to witness. He drank desperately and his Adam’s apple bobbed in response. A few droplets of water traveled down his throat. Dean wanted so much to lick the path they made. He had it bad. So bad.

Cas nodded over to him. “Watch out.”

“What?” Dean asked, still picturing body-slamming Castiel against the nearest flat surface to do more than lick him.

“Dean, you have a little…” Cas trailed off, pointing to his own shoulder.

“What?” Dean repeated, standing straighter. He touched his shoulder.

“Spider,” Castiel said.

Dean turned his head and saw what Cas was talking about. _A little spider? Castiel called this monster a little spider?_ The gigantic, mutant spider crawled on Dean’s hand and Dean yelled “NOO!” and then shook his hand, so hard that it hit the tree where he was standing, and he cried again, this time in pain.

Cas was at his side, reaching for his hand and inspecting it. “That doesn’t look good.”

“Fucking spider,” Dean hissed, flexing his fingers. The pain surged up his wrist. “I don’t think I broke anything, but it hurts.”

Cas gently massaged Dean’s hand, watching his face. “You’ll need a wrist brace and you’ll be alright.”

Dean sighed. “Why do I feel like I lost a wrestling match with a damn spider?”

Cas chuckled, reaching up to brush his lips on Dean’s temple. “We need to get you down safely and to a clinic.”

“No way. We’re not done hiking.” Dean had planned their entire afternoon, and at the end of their hike, he was going to take Castiel to dinner at his favorite restaurant. He wanted to tell Cas that he loved him, and that he was ready to tell all of their friends about their relationship. They would know to keep it from the eyes of the media.

Castiel shook his head. “We will not continue this way. I want you to get this hand checked out by a doctor.”

“What about dinner?” Dean asked, already walking back down the way they’d come from.

“We could get take-out,” Castiel said, rubbing Dean’s back soothingly.

Take-out didn’t sound good enough for everything Dean had to say, but he relented. He didn’t really have much will to argue with Cas because his hand was really hurting.

They made it to the Impala without any more spider-related incidents. Cas took Dean’s keys and drove. Dean didn’t have a chance to protest—when he tried, Cas silenced him with the press of his lips. It lasted long enough to make Dean forget what he wanted to say. It was scary how easy Cas could win arguments between them.

The doctor who treated Dean gave him lots of pain pills and a wrist brace. Dean didn’t have any broken bones. After being released, Dean went back to the waiting area, where Castiel smiled at him.

“How are you feeling?” Cas asked, touching Dean’s shoulders.

“I feel like a cloud,” Dean said. “Really high.”

“I’ll bet you’re happy,” Cas said.

“I’m happy.” Dean leaned forward, lips stretched out, but he missed when Castiel moved his head. “Hey,” Dean protested.

“Let’s get you home,” Cas said, wrapping an arm around Dean’s waist and leading him out the door.

“I wanted to kiss you,” Dean mumbled.

Once they were outside, Castiel said, “I know, Dean. I wanted to kiss you, too. The people inside, they knew us.”

“They did?” Dean said.

Castiel nodded, helping Dean to the passenger seat. “Yes, unfortunately. While you were inside, they came forward and asked about your well-being. I told them you were fine, and you needed rest. That’s why they didn’t talk to you.”

“I like my fans,” Dean said. “They understand.”

“Maybe so. But if they saw us kissing, they would talk. Rumors would spread like wildfire.” Castiel sat behind the wheel, turning on the engine.

Dean frowned, leaning his head on the headrest. He felt sad all of a sudden. Really sad. “It bothers you so much,” he said. “It bothers you when people talk about you.”

Castiel pulled out of the parking lot without putting on any music. “I’m sorry, Dean. I don’t want to let you down, but I highly value my private life. Without it, I would have nothing.”

Dean rolled his head, gazing at Castiel’s profile. He clenched his jaw and pursed his lips. “You would still have me.” _Is that not enough?_

Castiel was silent for the rest of the drive home.

 

*******

 

There was a girl at the door. Dean stood in the doorway and he crossed his arms.

“Hello, there,” she said, but not in a flirty way. She was pretty, with red hair and a wide smile that reached her green eyes.

“Hi, stranger,” Dean said, grinning politely. “Have we met?”

The girl shook her head. “My name is Anna Novak. I’m Castiel’s sister.”

Dean took a few steps back. “Oh. I—wow, I’m not sure what to say to that. I mean, come on in. Cas told me about you.”

Anna stepped inside. “Is my brother here?”

“He went out for a run,” Dean said, pointing to the couch, and then Anna sat down. “I asked him to bring me back an apple pie, so he might take a while. I sent him all the way across town to this diner that makes the best pies.” Dean took a seat on the other end of the couch.

Anna laughed. The sound filled the house and it made Dean lighten up. He wasn’t sure what to say to her. Cas had said very little about his family, but Dean remembered that Cas was in good terms with his sister. Half-sister. “Well, do you mind if I wait here for him? I needed to see him in person. Something’s happened and I felt he should know.”

“Sure, you can wait for him,” Dean said. “Stay as long as you want.”

Anna shifted. “Dean, right?”

“Yeah, Dean Winchester. Guess I skipped my introduction.”

“Don’t worry, I know you,” Anna said. “I’ve seen your movies. I didn’t stalk you or anything. Cas gave me this address a couple months ago.”

“Well, I’m glad you cleared that up.”

That made her laugh. “You’re cute.”

“Oh, God,” Dean said. “It runs it the family, doesn’t it?”

“What?”

Dean waved a hand. “Never mind.”

Dean and Anna were in the middle of a chess game when Castiel got home. Cas stood awkwardly in the room, removing his headphones. Dean went to take his pie from Castiel.

“Anna?” Castiel looked from Anna to Dean with a clear question in his eyes.

“Hey, Castiel,” Anna said, standing up. “I’m glad you made it home. I’ve been waiting for you. Dean kept me company.”

“I tried not to bore her too much,” Dean said, grabbing a fork from the kitchen for his pie. “Don’t mind me. I’ll be in my room while you guys catch up.”

Dean went into his room and ate his pie in bed. He listened to some of his records in order to not accidentally overhear the conversation going on in his living room. According to Cas, his half-sister lived in Texas. He was incredibly curious as to what brought Anna all the way to L.A. that was so important.

Only one more week was left of filming, and then _Coffee Dates_ would be nearly completed. Although, there was much work to be done, but in the coming months, Dean and Cas would have to attend interviews and talk about their personal lives. Dean wondered how Cas would take that. Would they ask them about what happened with Bela? Would they even wonder if there was something going on between Dean and Cas? They’d only stumbled onto a few photographers on their outings, mostly during dinners. None of the pictures taken would give them away. Castiel would never allow that.

Dean picked up one of his Stephen King novels sitting on his nightstand, and then lied down to lose himself in the words while Bob Dylan sang in the background. Around half an hour later, Dean’s door opened slowly, and Castiel stuck his head in.

“May I come in?” he asked.

“Sure, Cas.” Dean set his book back on the nightstand and leaned on his elbows.

Castiel’s face was blank, but it looked more like a mask. He removed his shoes and his sweat-soaked T-shirt and climbed in bed, laying his head on Dean’s arm. Dean tightened his arm around Castiel as he felt him shaking. He was crying, so quietly, but his body shook with vigor.

“Cas,” Dean whispered, kissing the top of his sweaty head. His hair was sticking to his forehead, and Dean pushed it back.

“I don’t want to do this,” Castiel said between sobs. His voice was croaky and his tears were warm when they fell on Dean’s hands. “I don’t want to feel this way.”

“Cas, what are you talking about?” Dean said, wiping some of the tears from Castiel’s face, but it was no use because they kept coming.

“I don’t want to cry over my f-f-father,” Castiel stuttered, and then he buried his face in Dean’s chest. Both of Castiel’s hands wrapped around Dean’s waist and they gripped onto his skin like a lifeline.

Dean held Cas and let the music speak for them. Bob Dylan’s raspy voice continued singing about the tragedies of life.

It wasn’t until much later when Castiel had finally stopped crying that he said, “My father is dead.”

“I’m sorry,” Dean said.

“You should not be sorry,” Cas said. “ _I_ should _not_ be sorry. He ran out on us, on me and my brothers. We were just kids, Dean. We were completely lost. Dean, my father is not a man worth crying over.”

“No, Cas, maybe your dad wasn’t the greatest dad,” Dean said. “Maybe he wouldn’t have won a father of the year award. Maybe he was just another deadbeat dad in the world. But that doesn’t mean you should be less of a person because of him.” Cas lifted his face to look at him. “Crying is a natural part of being alive. We’re brought into this world in tears. It proves we’re alive, we’re human.” Dean held Castiel’s face in his hands. “You are a beautiful person. You hurt for your dad despite everything he put you and your brothers through. You’re kind and amazing and forgiving.”

Castiel buried his face in the crook of Dean’s neck. “Where were you twenty years ago when I was selling myself for money? Where were you when I knew nothing but self-hatred and humiliation?”

Dean swallowed back his tears. _Way to be strong, Dean_. “I was there. I was waiting to find you.”

After a beat of silence, Cas said, “To him, it wouldn’t have mattered if I died first. It wouldn’t have mattered at all.”

Dean wanted to tell Castiel that his life mattered more than he would ever know, and that his worth had nothing to do with whether or not his father had loved him. But he couldn’t say a word because Castiel kissed his lips with abandon and need and all Dean could think about was how much he loved the man in his arms.

 

*******

 

**INT. COFFEE HOUSE – EVENING.**

_The place is empty, aside from MICHAEL and JIMMY who are sitting at a table in the corner, drinking coffee. Cheerful music blasts in the background. MICHAEL is incandescent and JIMMY shares part of his joy._

**MICHAEL**

(takes a sip of his coffee)

This is good stuff.

 

**JIMMY**

(does the same)

Isn’t it?

 

**MICHAEL**

I make the best coffee in town.

 

**JIMMY**

I’ve had better.

 

**MICHAEL**

(smiles)

No, you haven’t.

 

**JIMMY**

It’s a shame Leslie never  
found the true joys of coffee.

 

**MICHAEL**

We don’t have to like the same things  
to be happy together.

 

**JIMMY**

Nah, you don’t. And anyway,  
you know that anytime you’re  
craving a cup of coffee, I’ll  
drink one with you.

 

**MICHAEL**

Jimmy, you’re the key to my lock.

 

**JIMMY**

(laughs)

That’s quite a mental image.

 

**MICHAEL**

(laughs with him)

I’m starting to like your analogies, man.  
I really am.

 

**JIMMY**

Here’s one more: your coffee  
is as good as our trip to Barcelona.  
No, scratch that, your coffee   
reminds me of our trip there.  
Café con leche. Are you sure you’re  
not Spanish?

 

**MICHAEL**

Maybe in another life.

 

**JIMMY**

So, can I have my soul back for  
that one cup of coffee you gave me?  
Kinda makes me nervous that you have it.

 

**MICHAEL**

(shakes his head)

No. And it’s non-negotiable.  
And since your soul is mine, you  
really don’t have a say in being my   
best man at my wedding.

 

**JIMMY**

I can’t believe you’re getting married.  
God, you make me feel old. I remember  
when you were just a cute little boy who  
annoyed the crap out of me in  
middle school.

 

**MICHAEL**

Look at us now. Still talking  
nonsense over coffee. Nothing has changed.

 

**JIMMY**

Maybe we shouldn’t have started  
drinking coffee so young.

 

**MICHAEL**

It builds character.

 

**JIMMY**

Bullshit. We’re just coffee addicts.

 

**MICHAEL**

You got a point there.

 

_JIMMY rolls his eyes, while MICHAEL sips his coffee. LESLIE enters the coffee house with JEREMY._

 

**LESLIE**

Got room for two more?

 

_MICHAEL walks up to LESLIE and kisses her and then greets JEREMY. They sit at the table with JIMMY._

 

**JIMMY**

I’m really glad you’re both here.

 

**LESLIE**

Me too. I wanted to show you how well  
I’ve improved my Russian. You’re a great  
teacher.

 

**JIMMY**

I know, Les. I know. But we’ll get to that later.  
First, I’d like to let you know I’m Mike’s   
best man. Now, I need to know who  
will be your maid of honor. I believe  
in early preparations.

 

**LESLIE**

How about we get together tomorrow  
and discuss this in detail?

 

**JIMMY**

Fantastic. I’ll also give you another lesson.

 

_MICHAEL looks from JIMMY to LESLIE, and there, his eyes linger. Finally, his two favorite people have come together._

 

**JEREMY**

Can I get some coffee?

 

**MICHAEL**

(puts on his apron again)

Coming right up.

 

THE END.


	16. The Rain Song

After the last day of shooting _Coffee Dates_ , the entire cast and crew decided to get together. They didn’t officially call it a party, but it was definitely a party. Bela Talbot had graciously offered her house for the event. Her popularity and fame had increased significantly with her pregnancy scandals. Bobby had found creative ways to hide her baby bump from the cameras. In the last few scenes of the film, Bela wore a large red coat.

Everyone from the movie was at this non-party. The excitement was palpable. They were relieved, mostly. Their part was over. Post-production had to worry about the rest.

After the news of his father, Castiel hadn’t been the same. It was a miracle he even got out of bed to finish up the movie. His professionalism was the only reason he was even at this party. Dean was fairly content. He’d finished his movie. Although it was just like every other rom-com out there, Dean was proud of his hard work. But looking at Castiel’s cold eyes and permanent frown pulled him out of his bubble.

“Can we go talk somewhere?” Dean asked Castiel. They were squished tightly on a loveseat and Dean needed some privacy with his friend.

Castiel stared ahead, at nothing in particular. And then he nodded absently. He followed Dean down the hall that led to the backyard.

To Dean’s surprise, and complete delight, the backyard was empty. They had it all to themselves. Bela had a nice picnic set around her swimming pool. Cas sat at the table and Dean pulled up a chair to sit right in front of him. Dean thought Castiel looked slightly more comfortable outside, but he couldn’t be too sure. His eyes were still just staring ahead, at absolutely nothing.

“Hey, you okay?” Dean said, reading Castiel’s face.

Castiel inhaled a deep breath, and then he nodded once.

“Don’t feel like talking, huh?” Dean said.

Castiel shook his head.

“Are you unhappy?” Dean asked. Dean didn’t want to make it about him, because not everything was about him, but he wanted to know if maybe he was part of the reason Castiel looked so sad.

“I no longer know what I am,” Castiel said, just above a whisper. His eyes searched the sky above them. The sun was setting.

“Is this about your dad?”

“My entire life has been about my father,” Castiel said.

“You know that’s not true,” Dean said.

“He’ll never stop haunting me.”

Dean shook his head. “Cas, he’s gone.”

“No. Not really.”

“Cas, you can’t keep living like this,” Dean said, wishing Cas would look at him, just for a second. “It’s not healthy.”

“This is the only way I know how to live. In my father’s shadow.”

“You’ve done amazing things on your own, without him. Don’t let him ruin what you’ve accomplished.”

Castiel scoffed. “I never had the chance to tell him all the things I needed to say. I never told him what he did to me, to my brothers. I never was able to spit in his face and yell at him until he truly _heard_ me.”

“Hell, if you want to yell, go ahead. Yell at the wind. Yell and spit all you want. Who knows? Maybe your dad will hear you from wherever he is.”

Castiel finally looked Dean in the eye. He tilted his head.

“What? You want me to yell with you?” Dean smiled. “I’ll yell with you.”

“You’re not serious…”

“I’m dead serious,” Dean said. “Stand up.”

Castiel hesitated before he got out of his chair. Dean took his hand and dragged him to the swimming pool. He climbed up the diving board, and Castiel followed.

“What exactly are we doing, Dean?”

Dean extended his arms at his sides and balanced himself on the diving board. He turned carefully around until he faced Castiel, who stood in front of him. “We’re going to yell!”

“Yell at my father?” Castiel asked.

“Yell at anyone you want,” Dean said. He bounced up and down, and then laughed when Castiel shot him a glare.

“If I fall down and break something, I’m going to take you with me,” Cas said.

“I’ll go anywhere with you,” Dean said.

Castiel looked at his feet, but Dean could see the trace of a smile.

“Alright, you go first,” Dean said. “Yell anything you want. I’ll join you soon.”

Castiel closed his eyes and took a deep breath. After a beat, he started yelling. He yelled at his dead father, he yelled at his brothers, he even yelled at his sister. He yelled at the entire world, and Dean yelled along with him. Dean yelled at his parents for leaving him too soon, he yelled at his brother how much he missed him, at his ex, at himself. Sometimes it’s good to yell at yourself.

When they were finished, and they had to be finished because Dean’s voice was raspy and he didn’t think he could keep doing this, Cas started laughing. He just laughed and laughed without restraint.

“You feel any better?” Dean asked.

“I want to jump in,” Cas said.

“We’re both wearing jeans. Are you sure that’s such a good idea?”

“It doesn’t matter,” Cas said. “Jump with me.”

Dean looked over his shoulder. Maybe jumping in with Castiel wasn’t such a bad idea. It was a shorter jump than the one he’d already made concerning Castiel. And he did that one blindly.

“What the hell are you two doing?” That was clearly Bela’s voice.

Dean looked around.

The backyard was filled with their coworkers. Everyone had come out to see what all the yelling was about. Castiel smiled at his audience, looking lighter than ever.

“Who said you could swim in my pool?” Bela asked from the side. She was amused.

“We sort of invited ourselves,” Dean said.

“If you don’t mind, we’d like to get in now,” Castiel said.

“Don’t jump in with your cell phones,” Kevin said. He stepped forward and reached out his hand to take their phones. They both handed them to Kevin, who promised to keep them safe.

“I don’t care what you do,” Bela said. “Jump, for all I care. Just don’t make a big splash. I don’t want to clean up after you.”

“Like you ever clean up after anyone,” Cassie said, leaning against Bela.

“Shut up,” Bela said, crossing her arms.

“Are you gonna jump or not, idjits?” That was Bobby. He looked really entertained.

Dean looked at Castiel. He couldn’t see the clear color of his eyes in the night, but he could see his smile perfectly. It was back. His smile was back and Dean was so thankful to see it again. “Are we doing this?”

“Yes, we are,” Cas said with a wink.

Dean turned his back on Castiel and tried not to think about anything besides the look on Castiel’s face, lit only by the moonlight.

And he jumped.

There was a big splash that he knew Bela would hate. Soon after, another splash came, and when Dean resurfaced, the crowd cheered.

Castiel came up moments later, and he pulled Dean into his arms. Dean hugged him back, while keeping himself afloat. Castiel cradled Dean’s head in his hands, and when he leaned in he whispered in his ear, “Thank you. I adore you.”

Dean blinked at him, wondering if he should tell him now, tell him everything he’d been keeping inside. In front of everyone.

“Cas, I—”

Another big splash.

Cassie had decided to join them, and then others followed. Soon enough, the pool was full. They decided to get out and dry off.

“That was quite a show you gave there,” Bela said, handing them both clean towels.

Castiel hooked an arm around Dean. He nuzzled his neck. “He’s my favorite person. Did you know that, Bela? Dean Winchester is my favorite person in the world.”

Bela ran her hands over her baby bump. She laughed. “I believe you. I’m not blind. I can see the way you look at him.”

Dean faced Castiel, wondering if he would clarify what Bela had insinuated to keep their secret going or if he would end all of the secrecy then and there. “Cas?”

“I would lose my mind without him,” Cas said, looking at Dean.

“Listen, I don’t care if you’re friends or roommates or boyfriends,” Bela said. “It makes no difference to me. But next time, ask before you get in my swimming pool. It’s polite.”

“We’re not really interested in your swimming pool anymore,” Dean said. “But it’s duly noted.”

Bela sighed. “Great. Go put your clothes in the dryer before you catch a cold. God, I’m starting to sound like a mom. Do you see what you’ve done? Dicks.”

“Yes, ma’am,” Dean said, fake saluting her.

Cas took Dean’s hand and leaned close to him as they walked inside.

They found their way to Bela’s laundry room. Dean shed his heavy, wet clothes and tossed them quickly in the dryer. When he turned to Castiel, he was still fully clothed, soaking wet, and quite obviously turned on.

Cas parted his lips, his eyes gazing below Dean’s waist, and then he smiled crookedly. Cas closed the gap between them and kissed Dean, cupping his face. Dean’s eyes fluttered close and he held onto Castiel’s damp shirt. With greedy hands, Castiel explored Dean’s naked body. His lips traced patters down his jaw, and his chest, and his torso, slowly descending toward the fine hair trail below Dean’s waist.

“Fuck,” Dean gasped, licking his lips. His hands gripped Castiel’s wet hair. He inhaled the chlorine in the air.

“When I met you,” Cas said, on his knees, kissing the soft skin above Dean’s thighs, “I never thought I’d have the privilege of doing this to you.”

“Cas,” Dean breathed.

Castiel chuckled softly, his breath hitting Dean’s sensitive skin. “I love it when you say my name. I love your skin. It’s rough at some parts, but here, it’s soft.” Castiel kissed the inside of Dean’s thigh. Another kiss, this one made Dean shiver.

Dean threw his head back, biting on his lip to keep from screaming. He thought he couldn’t yell anymore, but he could be wrong.

Castiel stroked Dean for what felt like a glorious eternity before he covered his mouth over him. Dean would never get used to the thrill of being inside Castiel’s mouth. Castiel gripped his hips and kept him still while he sucked, sending Dean over the edge.

“Cas,” Dean breathed again. He repeated his name, over and over. It was the only coherent thought in his mind.

Dean dug his fingers in Castiel’s hair, aching for release. When he finally came, his body shook and his knees went weak. He held onto Castiel to not topple over. But after a moment, Dean slid to his knees, in front of Cas.

“Dean.” Castiel said his name like a prayer, and then he brought him close and kissed his temple. “My Dean.”

Dean looked at Castiel for a long, quiet moment. “I think I would also lose my mind without you.”

Castiel laughed, and his breath felt like a feather against Dean’s face. “Out of the two of us, you might be the sane one.”

Dean reached for Castiel, trying to peel off his clothes. But Castiel stopped him, grabbing his hands and holding them up to his lips.

“You don’t have to worry about me right now,” Castiel muttered. “Not anymore.”

The moment was slowly passing him by, and Dean wouldn’t let it go. He’d put it off long enough. This was the right time to say everything.

Dean made sure Castiel was looking at him when he said, “I need you to know that I think of you all the time, even when you’re right beside to me. I need you to know that I love you.”

Something flashed in Castiel’s eyes, something that vanished too quickly for Dean to understand. His friend furrowed his eyebrows, opened his mouth to speak, but fell silent. Cas was confused. He was really confused.

Why? Why the hell was this confusing to him?

“Dean, I love you,” Cas said, tilting his head. “I never…I never thought. You love me?”

“I love you,” Dean said.

Castiel nodded, looking away. He let go of Dean’s hands and smiled coyly. “I’m cold. I should probably put my clothes in the dryer as well.” Cas rose to his feet and undressed in a few short steps.

“Cas?” Dean asked, while Cas turned his back on him. “Is that a problem? That I love you?”

Castiel threw his clothes in the dryer and wrapped a towel around his waist. He set the dryer and then leaned against it. Cas studied Dean’s face. “When has love ever been a problem, Dean?” His voice and his face were serious. Dean didn’t know what to make of it. Suddenly, he was confused too.

Still on his knees, Dean narrowed his eyes. “Okay.”

Castiel stared at the wall, deep in thought.

There was not much else to say while they waited for their clothes to dry.

 

*******

 

After they got home from the party, Dean asked Castiel if he still wanted to sleep in his bed, but instead of replying, Castiel kissed him long and deep. They lied together in bed for a small eternity. Dean did his best not to fall asleep. He wasn’t sure why. Castiel draped an arm over Dean, pulled him close, and kissed him slowly, carefully. Dean fell asleep with the taste of Castiel’s lips.

In the morning, Dean woke up to a cold, empty bed. He didn’t bother calling out for Castiel.

Somehow he’d suspected it. He knew Cas too well.

Why did he go to sleep? Why didn’t he stay awake all night?

Dean sat on the side of his bed, rubbing his face in his hands. He felt groggy and heavy and sick. He was trying not to hate himself because he knew this was his fault. He knew he should have kept his mouth shut.

The notepad on his desk drew his attention. Dean picked it up and read Cas’s note in his messy handwriting.

 

_Dean,_

_I didn’t know how to tell you this in person, and for that I am a coward. I bought my plane ticket back home a few weeks ago. I decided to leave a few days sooner, to ease the bitterness of our goodbye. My apologies are worth nothing now, especially not on this piece of paper. I should have told you sooner. We belong in different worlds, and I don’t deserve you. Please know that I meant every word I ever said to you, and always remember that you are my absolute favorite person._

_Castiel._


	17. No Flame Burns Forever

_"Oh, babe, can you tell what's on my tongue? Can you guess that I'll be gone with the twilight? But no flame burns forever. You and I both know this all too well. And most don't even last the night. No they don't, they say they don't._

_Oh, babe, I've never been so lost."_

Mumford & Sons - Tompkins Square Park

 

* * *

 

Castiel waited at the airport, clutching his phone in his hands. If Dean called, if he still called after he read the note, Castiel would run back to him without a thought. He was so weak. He was so in love it was driving him crazy.

Was he right in leaving, even if it meant hurting his best friend?

No, this place was not his home. His home was in Kansas. His business was there, his house, his friends. What friends? Some of his best friends were here, in California. _Dean_ was in California.

God, he was terrified of losing everything he’d come to know and love so well. But he’d always known this would be the end of acting for him. He was always supposed to return home. That was the plan, and he had to follow it.

There were tears in his eyes, and as much as he tried to keep them inside, they started falling without his consent. Castiel pressed his thumb and index fingers on his eyes and bent over his chair. _Breathe. Take deep breaths, Castiel. You will live past this as you have lived past everything else._

Castiel wiped his cheeks, sat up straight, and closed his eyes. The first thing he saw was Dean. The first thing he heard was his voice, clear as water. The first thing he felt were his hands, and his lips, and his breath all over him. _Bad idea_. He opened his eyes. The airport was so full of people, travelers, foreigners, strangers.

Castiel had never felt so alone.

 

*******

 

Castiel waited until the last minute to board his plane. He waited, doing nothing but staring at his cell phone. He waited for something he knew would not come. Why should it? Castiel had made his choice, and Dean had accepted it.

With a deep sigh, Castiel shut off his phone and boarded the plane. He was going home. He was going to the place he belonged, surrounded by the people he belonged with. The Hollywood scene was not his crowd. Normal townsfolk who didn’t have to worry about photographers or fanatics were his crowd.

Castiel found his seat in the plane, pulled out his iPod, sat back, and let the music mend his heart. He let the music take him home.

 

*******

 

Everything was as he’d left it. Once inside his house, Castiel flipped the light switch and dropped his bags on the floor. He inhaled, hoping to find comfort in the familiarity, but it smelled odd. No one had been here to light up candles or water the plants or cook fresh meals. Castiel removed his suit jacket and tossed it over the couch, and then he lied down and stared up at the ceiling.

As soon as he turned on his phone, it started ringing. Castiel answered it with hopes it was the one person he couldn’t get out of his mind.

“This is Castiel,” he said into the receiver.

“Hey, Cas.” It was Anna. At least, he wasn’t entirely disappointed. “I just wanted to check on you. Did you go home, like you said you would?”

“Yes, of course I did. Why did you ever doubt me?” Castiel pinched the bridge of his nose. _Dean, get out of my head._

“Well, I thought you and Dean had something going on. I guess I was mistaken.”

“No, you weren’t,” Castiel said, sighing. He had a million sighs trapped inside of him. “I did share a romantic relationship with Dean. It was brief, all things considered. Now it’s over.”

“Cas, why do you always do this to yourself?” Anna sounded irritated.

“Do what? All I did was stick with my plan. It’s a good plan.”

“You always throw away the good things, even if it _slightly_ diverts from your normal day to day life,” Anna said, exasperated. “I don’t understand why you never allow yourself to be happy.”

Castiel sat up. “I allow myself to be happy. I was happy.”

“But you’re not anymore. God, poor Dean. I saw the way he looked at you. Like you painted the moon for him. Why the hell would you let him go?”

Castiel didn’t want to hear this. Not right now. “Anna, I have things to do. I’m tired. I’ll call you tomorrow.”

“Don’t bother,” Anna said. “I’m in Lawrence. I came for Dad’s funeral. Everyone is here.”

Castiel frowned. “Everyone?”

“Yes, Castiel. Our brothers are here. They were wondering if you were going to show up. They want to see you.”

“No. No, I can’t see them. How long will they be here?”

“You cannot keep avoiding your family, Castiel,” Anna said. “They’re not leaving without seeing you. Come to Rufus’s tomorrow evening. He invited us to dinner.”

“Rufus,” Castiel whispered. “I miss him.”

“He misses you too. If you don’t want to see our family, come at least to see Rufus. I know you wouldn’t bail on him.”

Anna was right. Castiel would hate her if he didn’t love her so damn much.

“I will be there,” he promised.

“I look forward to seeing you again, brother.”

 

*******

 

Waking up in his bed was unpleasant. His mattress was too big and too cold for comfort. Castiel automatically reached to his right, but a warm body was missing. The absence of Dean’s presence made him curl up on himself, but he wouldn’t allow himself to cry.

This was it, wasn’t it? He was losing his mind. It was really happening.

This was not part of the plan. The plan did not consist of suffering. The plan had never included Dean.

Castiel got out of bed after a while, when he felt less tired. He went for a run. He took a shower. He ate breakfast. He read the paper. He followed the same routine he had always followed. This used to work for him so well. Eventually, he would be happy again. Happy enough.

First order of business was visiting his bookstore. He had to make sure everything was in order. At his leaving, Castiel had left Naomi in charge. She was a good friend, and he trusted her with his store. She had been the manager for five years.

An Open Book sat on a well-populated street corner. For it being a new and used bookstore, it did pretty well. Many of his customers were his neighbors. That was the best part.

Naomi stood behind the checkout counter. A big smile shaped her lips when she spotted Castiel. She waved at him while she finished helping a customer. Castiel leaned on the counter and waited his turn. When she was free, she went over and hugged him.

“It’s good to have you back, boss,” Naomi said.

“It’s good to be back,” Castiel said after a moment’s hesitation. “How are things around here?”

“Good as ever,” she said. “We received a shipment today. I have a lot of work.”

“Where’s Hannah?” Castiel asked, searching around the aisles filled with books.

“She’s on her lunch,” Naomi said. “She’ll be back soon, and she’s going to be so thrilled you’re back.”

Castiel nodded. “It was time I came back. I’ve missed this place.” Castiel turned and leaned against the counter, crossing his arms.

His bookstore was designed like a loft. The stairs led up to a floor with couches and pillows, where people could sit and read as much as they pleased. The bottom part was just packed with books. Sometimes, this was the only place where Castiel could find solace.

“How did the movie go?” Naomi asked.

Castiel turned back to her. “It was…something I’ll never forget.”

“That good, huh?”

Castiel shrugged. “I met decent people.” _Decent people I betrayed._

“Well, I’d love to stay and catch up, but I have to get back to work,” Naomi said. “Now that my boss is here and all.”

Castiel laughed. “Let me help you. There’s nothing more relaxing than shelving books.”

Naomi beamed. “I completely agree.”

They got to work on the books, and for a moment, Castiel thought he would be alright.

Things would go back to normal. Eventually, they would.

 

*******

 

Rufus lived a short drive from Castiel. He was the main reason Castiel and his three brothers had made it out alive. He’d found them, and he’d brought them back to life. It was just a bit of kindness they were seeking, and that was exactly what he offered them. Castiel looked up to Rufus most of his adult life. He was the father he never had.

It was for that and many other reasons combined that Castiel was here, putting on a brave face. How long had it been since he last saw his brothers? More than ten years, easy. They never met Castiel the Actor. They never visited his bookstore. Castiel wouldn’t allow them to enter back into his life. It would be too much to bear. All of the memories he’d worked so hard to forget would resurface.

Rufus opened the door after Castiel rang the doorbell. The man looked older, but his smile hadn’t aged. He brought Castiel into his arms, and Castiel held onto him fiercely. Another reason for coming home. Rufus.

“It’s so good to see you, Castiel.” Rufus pulled back, holding Castiel’s at arm’s length. He laughed. “I heard rumors you weren’t coming back.”

“Who told you that?” Castiel asked, furrowing his brow.

Rufus led him into the kitchen. Castiel could hear laughter and chatter in the living room. He knew those voices. His heart started racing.

“People like to talk,” Rufus said, waving a hand. “You know how it is.”

Castiel dropped his head. “I know too much about that.”

Rufus nodded. “You got pretty popular on the web. I kept seeing your pictured popping up here and there.”

“Well, all of that is over. This is my new life. My old life.”

“Your sister tells me you’re still set on ignoring your brothers,” Rufus said. “Is that right?”

Castiel gripped the counter for support. “Rufus, I don’t think I’ll be able to handle seeing them again. After all these years. After all we lived through.”

“They’re anxious to see you,” Rufus said. “I spoke to them. They understand how hard this is on you. Even though you’re the youngest, you had to keep them together for many years. Now they want to be there for you.”

“I can’t relive my past,” Castiel choked out.

“You won’t have to,” Rufus assured. “Those boys, they only care about your present and your future. They want to make sure you’re hanging in there alright. That’s all.”

Castiel nodded, trying to convince himself. “Yes, alright. I can do that. I can see them again. Talk to them. I can do that.”

Rufus smiled again. “I made your favorite. Chicken pot pie. I hope you’re hungry.”

Castiel treaded behind Rufus into the living room. For a few seconds, while Uriel, Raphael, Gabriel, and Anna glanced up and became aware of Castiel, the room fell silent. But right before Castiel took off running, something strange happened. Joy. There was joy in his brothers’ faces. An abundance of it.

Raphael was the first to approach him. He extended his hand and Castiel shook it. “You look fantastic, Castiel. And so very young.” He turned to Uriel and Gabriel, who had stood up, waiting their turn to greet Castiel. “Doesn’t he look young?”

“I always hated your baby face,” Gabriel said, clapping Castiel’s cheeks and then squishing them. “I’m still so envious of it.”

Uriel pushed Raphael and Gabriel away and embraced Castiel without a word. Then he kissed his head. “My brother. I never thought I’d ever see you face to face again.”

Castiel couldn’t breathe all of a sudden. When Uriel released him, he plopped down on the closest seat and stared up at his brothers. His family, crowding around him, all anxious to get more time with him.

“Would you like a drink?” Raphael offered, pouring him a glass of red wine.

“I think you should all give him a little room to breathe,” Anna said, lifting up her own glass. “Take all the time you need, Cas.”

“I don’t know what to say,” Castiel said. “I owe you all an explanation.”

Uriel shook his head. “Nonsense. You owe us nothing. We’re just about to start eating. Rufus here cooked us something delicious.”

Rufus brought out the food and ordered everyone to take their seats. He had a quick response, and soon, all of the chairs were filled. Dinner was served.

Anna sat across from him, and she smiled warmly every time Castiel looked up. It was reassuring.

Throughout the night, Castiel watched in silence as his brothers and sister talked so easily with one another, how they laughed cheerfully, how they joked. Rufus, at the head of the table, looked so delighted with their presence. And all Castiel could do was sit and wonder what he had been missing.

“Castiel?”

Castiel faced Gabriel. It appeared he’d been trying to get his attention for quite some time. “Yes?”

“Anna tells me that you finished filming your most recent movie,” Gabriel said. “I only have two questions: when does it come out? And, who is this mysterious lead actor with the freckles? He’s all over social media, and you’re almost always with him.”

Castiel cleared his throat, shifting in his seat. He avoided eye contact with everyone in the room, aside from Gabriel. “I don’t know when _Coffee Dates_ comes out, but I will let you know as soon as I do. And him? His name is Dean Winchester.”

“I know his name, Cas.” Gabriel rolled his eyes. “But who is he to you? I’m big on celebrity gossip, if you must know. And I don’t buy his short fling with Bela Talbot. My theory, and let it be known that these ignorant bastards disagree with me, is that the big, real life romance that went down behind the scenes was between you and Freckle Boy.”

Castiel locked eyes with Gabriel, afraid to look anywhere else. But he felt every set of eyes in the room staring at him. Castiel lifted his chin and smirked. “I’m not one to kiss and tell, Gabriel.”

Gabriel laughed. “Nicely done. Well, either way, that’s your personal business. I guess I shouldn’t be prying so soon.”

“You can ask me questions,” Castiel said, staring at the table. “All of you. Ask me anything. I’m ready to talk.”

Castiel felt a hand on his shoulder.

“We’re all proud of you, Castiel,” Uriel said. “So proud of you.”

_This is why I came home_ , Castiel thought. _For this moment._


	18. Old Friendships Die Hard

A few weeks later, Castiel still hadn’t heard a word from Dean.

Uriel, Anna, and Raphael had all gone back to their respective homes. They all lived scattered around in different states. They kept in contact with each other, and now Castiel had agreed to stay within reach. They promised to call him as soon as they landed, and to meet for the winter holidays. Castiel was slowly easing back into his old life, with a better perspective. Now that he had his brothers back, he felt lighter. He had no idea how heavy his fear weighed on him.

Gabriel decided to stay in town for a while, mostly to keep Castiel company. He was staying at his house. Castiel was grateful to have his brother around. He was quite entertaining.

Today, he’d been informed by Gabriel that Dean would appear live on a night show. Castiel hardly ever watched those things, but he planned on watching this one. It was the first interview Dean would have of many. It was a chance to see him again.

Castiel checked his watch, pacing in front of his TV in the living room. It was still too early. The show hadn’t started.

Gabriel came down the hall, and he slouched on the couch. “What’s going on, kiddo?”

“I’m only a year and a half younger than you,” Castiel said, sighing. He was gripping the remote control, and he kept bumping it against his leg as he paced.

“That makes you a baby,” Gabriel said. “Turn on the TV. Why’re you keeping us in suspense?”

“The show is not on yet,” Castiel said.

“So, what? We can watch something else first.”

Castiel shook his head. “I only want to watch the show.”

“You are so fucking weird,” Gabriel said. He got up and went into the kitchen. He returned with two beers and handed one to Castiel. “Give me that.” Gabriel snatched the remote control from Castiel and turned on the TV, slouching back down.

Castiel sat down on the other couch and opened his beer. He gulped half of it in one swig.

Gabriel picked a channel, indicating it was the one where the show would air. “So, what’s the deal with you guys?”

Castiel stared at the TV, not really watching what was on it. “I love him.”

“That wasn’t hard to guess,” Gabriel said. “What happened that messed it all up?”

“I came home,” Castiel said. “He told me he loved me, and I felt guilty because I never intended to stay. Dean and I, we never discussed what would happen after we finished filming the movie. I guess we didn’t want to think about goodbyes. When we became involved, I always knew it would hurt to leave his side, but I couldn’t stop myself from being with him. He’s…he’s the greatest person I’ve ever met, Gabriel. He’s genuine. He has a small apartment in L.A. when he could have a Mansion as big as Bela’s. He welcomed me into his home and into his life and he never doubted me. He offered me nothing but kindness and trust and I threw it all away.”

“Why?” Gabriel asked.

It was a simple question, but Castiel was too ashamed to answer it. He stalled, drinking the rest of his beer.

“Why? Because I am a coward, Gabriel,” Castiel said, hanging his head. “I couldn’t leave all that I’ve built to live in Dean’s world. His world is insane. I can’t kiss him in public because I don’t want to be photographed. I don’t want strangers discussing my love life. I don’t want that life, Gabriel. I want my quiet life.”

Gabriel heaved a sigh. “You have to ask yourself one question, Cas. Does your _quiet life_ make you happy?”

It used to. Castiel was perfectly content before he met Dean. He never wished for more than he had. He never imagined that this actor, this beautiful, charming actor, would flip his world around. “That doesn’t matter,” he said. “I’ve made my choice.”

“Forgive me, kiddo, but you’re an absolute moron.” Gabriel was unapologetic, despite his phrasing. Castiel couldn’t blame him.

The show started. Castiel sat on the edge of his seat. He didn’t notice when his leg started bouncing up and down, but he couldn’t stop it. He was counting the minutes until the senseless introductions were over and they announced the first guess.

“What if he changed his hair?” Castiel wondered aloud. “What if he got a tan? What if he looks completely different? What if I’m unable to recognize him?”

“Relax, kiddo,” Gabriel said. “It hasn’t been that long since you dumped him.”

Castiel held his breath the moment the show host announced Dean. And then it was him, Dean Winchester, walking to the stage. He wore a button up shirt, a blue blazer, and dark jeans. He didn’t own a suit. And his hair, it was a little shorter, but still the same. His eyes were still the same shade of green. And his smile hadn’t changed at all. It was just as intoxicating.

Castiel fell to his knees in front of his coffee table. “Dean,” he whispered.

“Damn. Was he that good in bed?” Gabriel asked.

Castiel ignored him because all he could do was gape at the man on his TV. He was sure he was worse than any of Dean’s fans.

After the formalities and common greetings, Dean waved to his cheering audience, blowing them all a kiss. Castiel’s heart raced. Definitely worse than his fans.

“You’re looking great, Dean,” the host said.

“He is,” Castiel said.

“Thank you, John,” Dean said. “I’ve been following a strict diet of coffee and pizza. Works like a charm.”

The audience laughed, but Castiel didn’t. Dean didn’t like cooking dinner. Before Castiel arrived, all Dean ever ate was junk food, unless he went to a restaurant. _Bad habits die hard._

“Tell us about your upcoming movie, _Coffee Dates_ ,” the host said. “There’s so much excitement about this movie. How was it working with your co-stars?”

Dean smiled crookedly, crossing his legs. He did everything so smoothly. Was he even real? “Well, John, _Coffee Dates_ is the story about an ordinary man falling for a very attractive woman. It’s the oldest story ever told. Other than that, there’s not much else to say about it. We know everyone here’s going to see it on opening night. Isn’t that right?” He turned to the audience, who cheered as if on cue.

_Cocky bastard. I love you._

“I was very fortunate to work with talented individuals,” Dean continued. “My co-stars became some of my closest friends. I would also like to take the chance to clear up the rumors regarding Bela Talbot. Bela is my friend. I love her. I was never lied to regarding her pregnancy. She was honest with me about who the real father was, but she asked for my help, so I helped her. Bela and I have talked plenty about this topic, and we’re both on excellent terms. I just want to put that out there. If you support and respect me, you must show the same respect for her.”

Castiel was slightly disappointed. Dean spent all this time clearing up Bela’s name, without mentioning him even once. Dean was hurt, and possibly also offended and disgusted by what Castiel had done. It was only reasonable that Dean would avoid bringing him up.

“Well, there you go. You heard it here first,” the host said, “there are no hard feelings between the actors of this movie.”

“No, absolutely not,” Dean said.

“Dean, we’ve received hundreds of questions from the audience regarding your friendship with Castiel Novak,” the host said. Castiel widened his eyes. “He’s become a popular topic amongst your fans. Everyone is wondering where he came from, where he is now. He’s not on any social media. He’s become an enigma.”

Dean pondered on that before he commented. He lowered his head, and then smiled absently. When he looked up, he looked different. Melancholy. “Yeah, sure I can see why they’re wondering about Cas. He’s a private person. It’s not really my place to speak about his private matters, but I can tell you this: Castiel lived with me while we shot the film, and I think I was able to get to know him better than most people. Cas became my best friend in a short time. He’s a caring guy. It’s not easy gaining his trust, but I believe I’m one of the few fortunate people that did. What can I say, John? Cas is my buddy. I know he’s not hiding away from his fans, or friends, he’s just tending to his personal business. We all need a break from the lights and the cameras from time to time. I’m truly grateful I was able to work with him. He’s a magnificent human being.”

“Holy shit,” Gabriel said.

Castiel wasn’t sure how he made it all the way here, but he reached out and touched the TV screen. “Oh, Dean, I’m so sorry.”

“Yeah, he looks like a stand up guy,” the host said. “The movie’s not even out yet, and he’s already become a fan favorite.”

Dean laughed. “As it should be.”

“Now, Dean, what can you tell us about your love life? Is there anyone special in your heart? I’m sure the audience is dying to know.” The audience cheered again.

“Oh, sure, there’s a long line of candidates at the moment,” Dean said, laughing. “I feel like I’m in _The Bachelor_.”

Castiel crumbled, despite the humor in Dean’s voice.

“Is that right?” the host asked.

“No, not at all,” Dean said. “In fact, I’m not in any rush to jump back into another relationship any time soon. It’s gonna take some time to get over my last one. It was an intense relationship, one built on trust and friendship. It ended kind of abruptly. I’ll need some time to really process what’s happened, and to adjust to my life apart from that person.” Dean pasted a bright, fake smile on his face. “I mean, unless there are any takers in the audience tonight?”

There was loud hollering from the audience. Dean laughed.

“I’m sure there’s more than one taker in our audience that’s willing to help you out,” the host said.

“Perfect. Why don’t you guys meet me out in the back after the show?” Dean winked at the audience.

“We’ll be right back after this break,” the host said, before the show cut to commercials.

Castiel faced Gabriel. His heart was thudding in his ears.

Gabriel saw the look on Castiel’s face and he immediately hugged him.

Castiel buried his face in his brother’s shoulder and wept silently.

 

*******

 

Castiel went to An Open Book early in the morning. He had an empty box in his arms. He greeted Hannah, who stood yawning behind the counter.

“Good morning, boss,” Hannah said, chirping up. “Do you need my help?”

“No, that’s alright, Hannah,” Castiel said. “I’m going to take a few books.”

“Oh. Who are they for?” she asked.

“They’re for my best friend,” Castiel said, trying to smile. “I won’t take long.”

Castiel walked around the bookshelves, picking out the Stephen King novels he knew Dean did not already own. He also picked out a few of his favorite non-fiction books.

“See you later, boss,” Hannah called as Castiel left the bookstore.

When Castiel got back home, he set the heavy box of books on the floor and sat at his desk in his study. He grabbed a pen and a piece of paper and began writing.

  
_Dean,_

_I hope you remember that before you were my friend before you were anything else. I know it must be too late to save our relationship, but I am not willing to let our friendship go so easily. As a peace offering, I want to give you the rest of the Stephen king novels you need to complete your collection._

_I saw your first interview last night. You were incredible. You should know that I will be present to watch every interview._

_Before you ask yourself why I didn’t just email you, I should remind you that letters are much more intimate than e-mails. Wouldn’t you agree?_

_Love,_

_Castiel_

 

Castiel placed the letter inside the box, and mailed out the package to Dean. He didn’t have much hope that Dean would ever reply to him. But at least he knew he tried. Castiel knew, and it broke him, that he would never have another chance with Dean, but he had decided that his friendship was enough. Castiel needed at least that in his life.

Another week passed, and so did another interview. Gabriel was kind enough to watch it with Castiel, offering moral support. This one wasn’t as emotional for Castiel. Dean was asked many of the same questions. There was one change, though.

Near the end of his interview, Dean looked at the camera, and with a serious expression, he said, “Cas, if you’re watching this, just know that I’m here for you. I’ll always be here for you.”

Castiel wasn’t sure where that had come from, but he took it and he soaked in it and he resisted the urge to hug his TV. Perhaps Dean had received his letter. Perhaps this was his way or replying. And if it was, then it was enough. It was all Castiel needed from him.

Except, the following day, Castiel received a letter in the mail. It was from Dean. An actual, physical letter from Dean Winchester.

“Good God, when did you become the president of Dean’s fan club?” Gabriel asked.

“He wrote to me,” Castiel said, still unable to believe it. “Dean wrote me back.”

“Yeah, I saw,” Gabriel said. “I’m sure squealing over a letter is a completely normal reaction.”

“I did not squeal,” Castiel said, tearing open the letter.

“Whatever you say, kiddo,” Gabriel said, fixing his attention back to his laptop.

Castiel took the letter to his bedroom. He wanted to be alone when he read it. He wanted this to feel like a private conversation between Dean and him.

 

_Cas,_

_I loved the books. Thanks for them. I’m glad to hear from you. I hope you’re doing great. I was thinking the same thing, you know? We were friends before anything else. I’m willing to be friends again. Charlie and Jo weren’t too happy when I officially gave you the title of my best friend on national television. I guess I should have seen that coming. I’ll try to remember to include them in my next interview, maybe put up bright neon posters or something. Is that too much?_

_Letters are from pre-historic eras, but I’ll put up with them for you._

_Always,_

_Dean_

           

Castiel felt unusually giddy after that letter. There was a reason why he had fallen for Dean. A reason why he’d learned to love him so quickly. Despite everything, Dean didn’t hold grudges. He understood.

Castiel sat at his desk again, writing another letter.


	19. All of Your Demons Will Wither Away

“Why would you willingly run a marathon?” Gabriel asked.

Castiel smiled up at him. “I want to run a marathon. That’s why.”

“Oh, sure, yeah, I’m glad you cleared that up.” Gabriel rolled his eyes.

“Would you like to train with me?” Castiel asked, knowing the answer.

“NO,” Gabriel said sharply. “I would never.”

Castiel threw his head back in laughter.

Gabriel walked away, shaking his head. Gabriel had a flexible job that allowed him to work from home. Castiel was glad to still have him around, although he did wonder when he would go back home. Gabriel lived in Los Angeles, so if Castiel ever wanted to visit his brother, he would have the perfect excuse to visit Dean. Perhaps Castiel was getting ahead of himself. Gabriel wasn’t leaving, and neither was Castiel. And Dean was his friend.

The following morning, Castiel woke up extra early, put on his tennis shoes, and set out for a five mile run. When he got back home, he took a shower and cooked breakfast for him and his brother, who loved waking up to the smell of bacon.

They ate breakfast, discussing their plans for the day. Gabriel was meeting up with some friends out of town, and Castiel was going to work at his bookstore. Naomi was taking a much needed vacation, so Castiel was filling in for her. He didn’t mind it. An Open Book was his haven at the moment.

“Have you thought about dating again?” Gabriel asked, crunching on his bacon. “That is, if you’re not still hung up over Freckle Boy.”

The thought of being with someone else, someone that wasn’t Dean, made him uncomfortable. It had been over a month since he left L.A., but he still felt the same way about Dean as he had before. They’d both kept in constant communication solely through letters. Castiel knew that he should be moving on by now, at least trying, but he had no motivation.

“I haven’t, no,” Castiel said simply.

“You’re not hoping Dean’s going to come running to you, begging you to take him back, right? ‘Cause if you are, kiddo, you’ll only be disappointed.”

Castiel sighed. “I’ve accepted that what happened between Dean and I is over and done with. We’ve remained good friends, and that is more than I could ever ask for.”

Gabriel watched him for a moment. “Yeah, I don’t buy that.”

“It’s the truth.”

“Bullshit,” Gabriel said.

Castiel had given up on arguing about this long ago. They’d had this conversation many times. It was hard to move on when Dean was mentioned on the daily. It was even harder when he saw him often on TV, and even worse when he talked with him through letters and nothing else.

“I have to write him back,” Castiel muttered to himself.

“I’m just waiting for the day when you accept reality, kiddo,” Gabriel said. “You know this isn’t over.”

Castiel rose from his chair. “It’s over because I said it was.”

“You’re an actor,” Gabriel said, “you live to say lies.”

Castiel grabbed his messenger bag filled with the books he was in the middle of reading, and he went to work. An Open Book was empty and quiet for most of the morning, so Castiel made some coffee and wrote back to his friend.

 

_Dean,_

_There are always many things I want to say to you, but a letter can only be so long. I’m glad to hear you’ve been doing so well. Have you enjoyed all of the events and parties you’ve attended lately? I’m not sure I miss them myself. Tell Charlie and Jo I will be giving them a phone call very soon. I have a lot to tell them as well. I’ve been in contact with Kevin. He landed a role on a crime show, so he’s ecstatic. I understand that all of you expect me to attend the_ Coffee Dates _premiere, but I find it unlikely. However, I will be watching it at my local movie theatre, and I will be thinking of you, and everyone else I worked with._

_As for myself, I decided to run a marathon next month. I started training this morning. I’m thinking of running every morning and every night. I must admit that running in the quiet streets of Lawrence does not compare to the vibrant city of Los Angeles. There was more to see over there. At least I still have music._

_Have you thought about your next role yet? Will you be looking into other films? Perhaps a show would suit you well?_

_As always, I wish you the best. Be safe, and happy._

_Love,_

_Castiel_

 

*******

 

_Cas,_

            _There are more parties than I could ever attend, but I do my hardest to go to most of them. I love getting lost in the crowds and the music. People don’t care who I am when they’re drinking and dancing all night long. I’ve been trying to follow into their footsteps. I’m wondering if this is what I’ve been missing this whole time. This exciting new life. Charlie and Jo don’t like coming with me to the parties, they would rather go to The Roadhouse. I lost interest in that place since you left. It’s just not the same. But Cassie has been tagging along with me to the parties. Now that Bela can’t join her, she’s bringing another friend, a girl named Ruby Jones. She’s some kind of film star, but I’ve never seen any of her stuff. Have you? Also—good old Kevin, it’s good to hear about him. I haven’t heard from him for a while._

_A marathon? Seriously? Only you, Cas. I can’t imagine what it takes to go through with that. But you were always dedicated and focused, so I have no doubt you’ll kick ass when the time comes. You know you don’t have to settle for running on those streets. L.A. streets miss you back._

_My agents got me an audition for a sitcom. He thinks I’m better with humor. I’m more interested in an indie horror film. Garth says I’m better than indie, that I’ve outgrown them. But I don’t think you can outgrow the beauty of a good independent film. Screw Garth. I’m auditioning for_ Taste the Flesh _whether he likes it or not. I think he’s wrong. I’m better with gore and blood._

_Tell me about your bookstore. After all, that’s where you spend most of your days, isn’t it?_

_Always,_

_Dean_

 

*******

 

The last letter Castiel received from Dean left him worried. Dean didn’t sound like himself lately. Castiel could just be reading too much into it, but he didn’t think so. It wasn’t like Dean to bail on Charlie and Jo in favor of Cassie, Ruby, and endless Hollywood parties.

After he wrote back to Dean, he made a long awaited phone call to Charlie.

“I’m going to slap you, boy,” Charlie said after the usual greetings.

“It’s been a while,” Castiel said, wincing.

“No goodbye, no nothing,” Charlie said. “You just take off and leave us _all_ brokenhearted.”

Castiel had felt guilty since the moment he stepped out the door of Dean’s apartment. He knew exactly what he was doing, and exactly who he was losing. “I’m sorry, Charlie.”

Charlie let out a long breath. “Yeah, I know you are, Cas. I didn’t mean to snap. I love you very much. You know that.”

“I love you back.” Castiel smiled. “Is Jo around? I would also like to speak with her.”

“Nope. Shocking, right? She’s always with me.” Charlie laughed. “I’ll tell her you called.”

“I will definitely be calling more often,” Castiel promised. They caught up on their current life events. Charlie was preparing for another year at Comic-Con. She was dressing up—pardon, cosplaying—as Michonne from The Walking Dead. Castiel listened patiently as she told him all about the character. Then Castiel mentioned his marathon and shared some of the funny conversations he normally had with the customers at his bookstore. It was until Charlie mentioned Dean that Castiel’s concern resurfaced.

“How is he?” he asked. It was one thing to hear Dean’s version of things, but he had to know the truth about his current situation. Castiel sensed something odd about him.

“Not gonna lie to you, Cas, but Dean’s being a dick lately,” Charlie said. “Jo and I have tried to talk to him, but he rarely picks up the phone and when we go to his place, he’s never there. And when he’s there, he’s sleeping off his hangover.” Charlie sighed heavily. “I don’t know what to do anymore. When he’s on TV, you see a face full of makeup and stupid fake smiles, but that’s all for show. Have you tried calling him?”

Castiel stiffened. He grabbed Dean’s latest letter from his desk. “We’ve been writing to each other. Letters only. It seems easier this way. He mentioned going to parties.”

“Yeah, that’s all he ever does anymore,” Charlie said. “He’s been getting drunk, probably getting stoned too. I get that. I get that he wants to have some fun, go out, be with friends, but what the hell are we to him? And look, it would be totally fine if he was ditching us to be with better friends, but this Cassie and Ruby look like trouble. I’ve known Dean for quite a while, and I know this isn’t the type of lifestyle he wants.”

Castiel closed his eyes. “Have you spoken to Sam about this? Is he aware of what’s happening?”

“What’s Sam going to do about it? And besides, I don’t want to worry him. He’s working really hard for his career. He’s called me a few times already, asking about Dean, but I usually tell him Dean’s fine and he’s probably too busy to pick up his phone.”

“Dean hasn’t answered Sam’s phone calls?” Things had to be worse than he thought for Dean to be ignoring his younger brother.

“I’m telling you, Cas, Dean’s far gone,” Charlie said. “I’m not giving up, though. I’m going to keep blowing up his phone, and I’m going to try all of his social media too. Then I’m going to wait out his door if that’s what it takes. You don’t have anything to worry about. Jo and I will handle it. He’s our friend. We’re going to help him no matter what it takes.”

Castiel wanted to tell Charlie that Dean was his friend, too. He still was. But he agreed not to worry, and asked her to please keep him updated.

Castiel had to fix what he had broken. Was Dean broken?

 

*******

 

_Dean,_

_I’m highly concerned about your well being. I know we decided to keep our conversations uniquely through letters, but I would really like to video chat with you. I will write all of my contact information at the bottom of this page, and I hope to hear from you soon. We need to talk. I need to see you._

_Love,_

_Castiel_

 

*******

 

Castiel didn’t receive another letter that week, but a few days later, he received a video call while he was reading in his bedroom. He grabbed his laptop, set it down beside him in bed, and answered what he expected was Dean’s call.

The screen materialized and Dean appeared on Castiel’s computer screen. He clicked on the full-screen and swallowed his tears. Dean’s face was hard. His jaw was clenched. His hair was a complete mess, which Castiel had only ever seen happen in the morning. He was obviously alone, in his apartment. The only light in the room was the one from his computer. Dean had a sad smile on his face, and when he saw Castiel, he scooted closer to the screen, his lower lip quivering.

“Cas,” Dean whispered, biting on his trembling lip to keep it still.

“Hello, Dean.” Castiel found it hard to keep the strain out of his voice. “I’ve missed you.”

Dean furrowed his brow. “And yet you left.” He took a sip of his beer. He was drinking. Of course he was.

“I had to leave,” Castiel said, although his reasoning sounded weak.

“You didn’t have to leave the way you did,” Dean said, chugging the rest of his beer. He quickly moved on to another bottle. “Look, Cas, I wasn’t supposed to be doing this, alright? We’re friends. You said you wanted to be friends. That’s what you told me. I said yes, didn’t I? So, we’re friends. End of story. Why the hell am I nagging you about the past? I shouldn’t be doing this. I should be moving on. Alright, Cas, I am officially over you. Right here, right now.” Dean took a sip of his beer, then wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.

“You’re drunk,” Castiel said. “I can’t even imagine how much you’ve had to drink. You hardly ever get drunk.”

“That was the old me,” Dean said. After another sip, he blinked. “Wait, you’re wearing glasses. Since when do you wear glasses?”

“I was reading,” Castiel said. “I only use them to read.”

Dean shook his head, and his lip quivered again. “I didn’t know that. I didn’t know so many things about you. I thought I did, Cas, but I didn’t. And I wish I did, because maybe then you would have stayed.”

“You knew me better than you realize,” Castiel said. “I left because this is my home. I had to come back eventually.” Castiel touched his screen, trying to remember the feel of Dean’s skin. The more days passed, the less he remembered. “I wish we were having this conversation in person. I can’t bear to see you like this.”

“I lost my parents and I lost you and I lost Sam and I lost Charlie and Jo and I lost myself, too,” Dean said, taking another drink. “I lost myself in the middle of everything else I was losing.”

“Dean, don’t say that.” Castiel wanted so much to be able to pull Dean into his arms, to kiss away his words until they tasted sweeter. “You’re breaking my heart.”

Dean laughed, a chilling sound that was unrecognizable. “I’m breaking _your_ heart? That’s a first.”

“You idiot,” Castiel said. “My heart broke the day I left your side.”

Dean took another sip. “Liar,” he spat out.

Castiel knew that Dean was completely drunk and possibly sleep deprived. He knew that a sober Dean would never admit to any of these things. He even doubted that Dean would remember this conversation. Castiel wanted nothing more than to talk things out, but this wasn’t the right approach. Dean needed to sleep it off. They would talk again in the morning.

“Where are you in your house?” Castiel asked.

“Living room,” Dean said, rubbing his face.

“Dean, listen to me. I want you to pick up your laptop, and walk into your bedroom.”

“Why?” Dean asked.

“Because I’m asking you,” Castiel said. “Please, Dean.”

Dean sighed, shook his head, and picked up his computer. He walked with it to his bedroom, and once inside, Dean went straight to bed. “I don’t want you to go,” Dean mumbled, getting in bed. He set the computer on the pillow next to him. Castiel did the same, getting under the covers.

“I’m not going anywhere,” Castiel muttered, lying down.

Dean blinked heavily, staring back at the screen. Castiel took off his glasses and lied quietly on his own bed, keeping himself awake.

“Cas?” Dean said after a while. He looked so tired, so small.

“Yes, Dean.”

“I do want to be your friend,” he said. “I swear.”

Castiel tried to smile. “We’ve always been friends.”

“Okay,” Dean said. “Just making sure.”

Castiel waited until Dean fell asleep to allow himself to sleep. And before he lost consciousness, he whispered to the screen the three words that haunted him day and night.


	20. From Darkness to Darkness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really appreciate every single comment I receive. I apologize if I don't reply to all of them, but I do read them, and they always make me smile, so thank you. And thank you for sticking with the story so far!

In the morning, Castiel woke up to the black screen of his laptop. The battery must have died during the night. It was until later in the day when Castiel gave Dean a phone call. He wasn’t sure Dean even wanted to talk to him anymore, but he had to try.

Dean answered after a lot of ringing. “I was sleeping,” he grumbled on his end of the line.

“I figured you would be,” Castiel said. He poured himself some coffee. Gabriel hadn’t returned from his outing yet, and Castiel wasn’t hungry. There was just coffee for breakfast.

“Cas? I wasn’t expecting your call. Hang on—did that really happen last night? The video call? Oh, fuck.”

“Dean, could we talk about that? I have many things I need to say to you.” Castiel leaned against the kitchen wall, running a hand through his damp hair.

“No, Cas, we’re not doing this,” Dean said, his voice hard. “You wanna know why? ‘Cause we’re never going to be friends if we keep digging deeper into our relationship. You left. That was your choice, man. I have to deal with it. I’m not going to force you to be with me because I know you don’t want that.”

“Dean, please listen—”

“I’m not doing this, man,” Dean said. “I have to go.”

“Dean.”

It was too late. Dean hung up. He wouldn’t listen. Why wouldn’t he listen?

 

*******

 

An Open Book was busy for most of the day. Castiel preferred keeping his mind occupied, to keep himself from thinking about Dean. It was unbearable seeing how Dean was hurting. But Dean refused to talk about their issues. They needed to really talk to each other, like they did before. If Dean was angry, he had a right to yell. Just like Castiel had yelled at Bela’s party. It was impossible to move forward without getting things out in the open.

Beside him, Hannah gasped at her computer screen. Castiel stopped flipping through his book and turned to her.

“Exciting news?”

Hannah flushed and smiled coyly. “I’m not big on celebrity gossip, really.”

Castiel raised his eyebrows.

“I do like to follow the actors from your movie, though,” she said. “I always thought Dean and Bela were good together. And I would never ask you for information about them, but I am curious.”

Castiel sighed. “Dean and Bela, what an epic love story.”

“I know they were never together,” Hannah said, frowning. “I mean, he said so himself in an interview. But now look at this—” Hannah turned the monitor screen toward Castiel, scrolling to the top of the page. “Dean Winchester and Ruby Jones are apparently dating. And I get that she’s beautiful and everything, but she’s all wrong for him. Maybe it’s not my place to speak. I don’t personally know either of them.”

Castiel couldn’t look away from the screen. In the picture, Dean had his arm around the so-called Ruby Jones. The brunette was gorgeous. She had a smirk on her face that could break hearts in an instant. There was no doubt that they made a great couple. Except, were they a couple?

“I don’t understand,” Castiel said. “Dean never mentioned that he was dating her.”

“Maybe he’s not,” Hannah said, shrugging. “You know how people lie and spread rumors. They _have_ been seen a lot together lately. Who knows what’s real and what’s made up on the Internet anymore, right?”

Castiel swallowed, and suddenly his chest hurt. “I’m going to go home, Hannah. Would you please close the store tonight?” He grabbed his bag and keys.

“Yeah, I’ll take care of everything,” Hannah said.

The road to his house felt endless. Castiel cursed when he saw that Gabriel still wasn’t home. He needed something to keep his mind off of Dean. This entire situation was consuming him. Why couldn’t he and Dean go back to the easy days at the Roadhouse, at the beach? Why did Castiel let this happen?

Dean had every right to be with Ruby or anyone else he might choose. Castiel should only wish him happiness. So why did it hurt so much to lose him this way?

The neighborhood was dark and desolate. Slamming his car door, Castiel stomped to his garage. He grabbed his rusty bike and climbed on it. He rolled up his shirt sleeves and took off his dress shoes. A long bike ride was the only thing he could think of to clear his head.

Castiel rode around the streets in his neighborhood. _The Rain Song_ , that quiet and mellow song that often played in Dean’s stereo was stuck in his head. He could hear it loud and clear, as if the music was really playing. As if he was in Dean’s Impala, driving to the beach to hunt for ghost crabs or break into haunted motels.

Castiel pedaled faster, heading toward the main street. He rode on the right lane while there were no cars. The song from his memories was still playing. He remembered the way it’d made him feel. He remembered the softness of the melody, mixed with the leather scent from the seats of the Impala, and Dean’s familiar cologne. Castiel could still sense everything so clearly.

_This is not working._

Lawrence was a lonely place at night. People went to sleep too early here. Everyone was too involved in their own lives to let anyone new in. Castiel understood this now. He’d created so many ideas about this town, but it was just another town. It meant nothing to him at this point. Gabriel would eventually leave, and the only person Castiel would have around would be Rufus. But Castiel had depended enough of that kind man. He didn’t need to bother him any longer.

This place Castiel called home didn’t offer him any happiness. And what was a home, if it wasn’t happiness?

_I made a mistake. I made a mistake, Dean._

A bright light appeared at a turn. Headlights, Castiel realized too late. The car came fast, swerving at the corner.

The bike, along with its passenger, flew quite a length away from the pavement.

 

*******

 

Castiel was sure he was no longer lying unconscious on a street under a night sky. He was in a room without any lights, which wasn’t much of an upgrade.

“Cas?”

Castiel groaned, shifting slightly. He stopped moving when he felt several parts of his body aching. Sweat dripped down his forehead, and when he tried to wipe it away, he felt the cast that was covering his right arm.

A light came on in the room. Gabriel hovered over him, anxious and worried all the same.

“Can you see me?” he asked.

Castiel nodded, wanting to speak, but his mouth was too dry and he had little energy.

“Do you recognize me?” his brother asked.

Castiel nodded again, although the motion was making him dizzy.

“Good. I just didn’t believe the doctor,” Gabriel said. “Apparently you came in here looking like a dead man, and you have a concussion. Sometimes they lie to you just ‘cause they pity you. Anyway, you have a broken leg and a broken arm. What the hell were you doing riding your bike in the middle of the street, kiddo? Are you twelve?”

Castiel closed his eyes, nauseated. He stretched his left arm until he felt the cast on his leg. This was not the right way to train for a marathon.

“I’m really sorry I couldn’t be here yesterday,” Gabriel said. “I got back into town late last night. I wouldn’t have known you were in here if I hadn’t seen the news. You had surgery on your leg and arm, and it looks like you’re going to live to tell the tale. You really should get your emergency contact updated. You only had Naomi, but she’s somewhere in Canada. Who goes to Canada on vacation?”

Castiel cleared his sore throat. “How long…how long have I been here?”

“Two nights,” Gabriel said. “You were out all day yesterday.”

“What…what did you say about the news?”

Gabriel winced, taking a step back. “Sorry, kiddo. Word got out that the enigmatic Castiel Novak, actor in the upcoming Coffee Dates blockbuster, had gotten hit by a car while riding his bike. There’s a whole news station campground outside of the hospital.”

Castiel was sure that he’d died and gone to hell. The last thing he wanted was to be talked about by strangers. As if his life was anyone else’s business.

“I can’t stay here. Get me out,” Castiel said, attempting to sit up. He didn’t get very far before his body sprung back to the bed.

“No can do, kiddo,” Gabriel said. “You could have died, you know. I’m not letting you leave this hospital until the doctor says you good and ready. You got that?”

“Gabriel,” Castiel complained. He didn’t have any strength to do much else but accept his brother’s command. In fact, the only thing Castiel wanted was to go back to sleep. His eyes fluttered, but right before he lost consciousness again, he heard the words that shook him awake.

“Did I forget to mention that your dear old buddy is waiting outside?” Gabriel said. “Dean Winchester came before I did. Unfortunately, he wasn’t allowed in here. Family only.”

“Dean,” Castiel said, licking his dry lips. The last thing he remembered before being succumbed to incredible pain was Dean. “I want to see him.”

Gabriel laughed, patting Castiel’s shoulder gently. “I knew you’d perk right up when I told you that. Wait here, I’ll see what I can do.”

Castiel released a long breath. “My Dean came to see me,” he whispered, doing his best effort to keep his eyes open.


	21. Flowers For the Broken

There was a shift in the room as soon as Dean entered. A blanket of calmness took over the anxiety Castiel was feeling due to plenty of strangers knowing about his accident. None of that mattered anymore. The world could say and think whatever it desired, and Castiel would be all right.

Dean stood by Castiel’s feet, and his eyes ran down the length of his weary body. Dean looked just about the same. Except for his eyes. They were bloodshot and tired.

“I can’t express how good it feels to see you,” Castiel said after a beat of silence.

“I didn’t want to see you this way,” Dean said, stepping around the bed and taking the seat Gabriel had previously occupied. Before Castiel could inquire about his brother, Dean said, “I told your brother he could go get some rest. I’m staying here.”

Castiel tried to smile, but he wasn’t sure it would look right on his face. He felt so exhausted and his muscles were numb. “Dean, you don’t need to do that.”

Dean leaned closer, sitting on the edge of the chair. He folded his arms on top of the bed, and his face was inches from Castiel’s. “Are you in pain?”

“No,” Castiel said. “I believe I’m on morphine. I am tired, though.” There was _some_ pain, but Castiel didn’t want to worry him.

Dean nodded. “I can imagine.” He paused, staring right at him for a long time. “I want to apologize for the way I reacted last time we talked. Not just for last time, but also the time I was drunk. I’m usually drunk nowadays. But I’m not drunk now.”

“Dean.” Castiel wanted to touch Dean’s face, but his good arm felt like it weighed a thousand pounds. “I’m the one who should apologize. I left you and I hurt you in the process. I was only thinking of myself. That was absolutely selfish of me. I should have told you how I felt.”

Dean narrowed his eyes, leaning closer.

Castiel closed his eyes, feeling lightheaded. How could he tell him that he’d changed his mind? How could he explain that he’d made a mistake by leaving the only place that had brought him comfort after many years of restlessness?

“You know what I realized today?” Dean’s voice was barely above a whisper. “I had a lot of time to think out in that waiting room. I was breaking my head, trying to figure out where to put all this blame. Was it my fault you left, did I push you away? Was it something out of my hands, something I couldn’t change? I thought about blaming you for never telling me how you felt, or what you wanted. And I came up with an answer, Cas. We’re not going to solve anything with blame. The things that happened, we can’t change those, and we can’t go back in time. All we have is right now. And I’m so fucking thankful to still have you around, because I honestly don’t know what I would have done if I’d really, truly lost you.”

Castiel opened his eyes, and Dean’s face was closer. Dean brushed some of Castiel’s hair away from his face, and pressed his lips to his forehead. It was so sweet, and it left Castiel speechless. What had he ever done to deserve the affections of this man?

“Are you still tired?” Dean asked, sitting back on the chair.

“Not anymore,” Castiel said, wondering if he was experiencing a highly vivid dream, or if this was really happening to him. He could still feel the trace of Dean’s lips on his forehead. That had to be real.

Dean shook his head. “I’m sorry the world knows about what happened to you. This is exactly what you wanted to avoid, isn’t it?”

“It doesn’t matter, Dean.” Castiel took a deep breath. “People can say what they please. I don’t intend on hiding forever.”

“There’s nothing wrong with hiding,” Dean said. “Sometimes it’s necessary.”

Castiel looked right into his eyes, because they were Dean’s essence. They said so many things Dean kept to himself. “Dean, I only ever wanted to hide my past from everyone. That is what frightened me the most, that people would discover my stained past and think less of me. And in the process, that would hurt you, too. But I am not a scared, hungry boy anymore. I’m a man. I have nothing to hide.”

Dean smiled, wide and bright. It was a stunning sight, the way it lit up his entire face. This one was all for him. “It’s good to hear you say that, Cas.”

“I read something regarding you and Ruby.” Castiel swallowed. He had no right to pry, but he wanted to know where Dean stood. “I know better than to believe everything posted online, but I would be lying if I said I wasn’t curious.”

Dean leaned close again, elbows on the bed. “You know me, I’m quite the Casanova.”

Castiel raised his eyebrows. “Come again?”

“I got a reputation to uphold,” Dean said, tilting down his chin.

“That isn’t funny,” Castiel said. “It was unpleasant, having to think about you with her, or anyone else.”

“Oh, please, everyone’s sick of hearing me talk about you. It was a huge turn off on the few occasions anyone tried to hit on me. Ruby, she’s more of a business associate of mine. Or, used to be. She provided me with all sorts of things to keep me numb.”

“It’s because of me that you had to go to those extremes,” Castiel said.

Dean rolled his eyes. “Were you not listening to what I just told you? Cas, there’s no one to blame here. And anyway, I didn’t do all of that ‘cause of you. Sure, you were a part of that, but you weren’t the only reason. When you left, I questioned many things about myself. My agent called after my first interview and told me that I was a huge hit. People loved me. I didn’t know why. I wasn’t sure the person they saw in those interviews was me. I always try to put on a show when I’m in front of a camera. But that isn’t me. I care about the way the world perceives me. I have to watch my every step because there’s always someone watching. I felt like a fish in a fishbowl. I wanted to run. I think I understood how you felt, but unlike you, I had nowhere to run. I didn’t want to burden my friends, or my brother, and in the process, I pushed them away.”

“So, who are you, Dean?” Castiel asked. “Who is Dean Winchester in reality?”

“You really want to know?”

“Absolutely.”

Dean gave him a half-smile. “I’m a fucking boring person, Cas. That’s who I really am. My hobbies include watching reality shows, eating junk food, and reading Stephen King novels. I have a strange obsession with my classic car. I get uncomfortable when my fans declare their love for me on the streets because I cannot reciprocate their feelings. That’s all I got.”

Castiel laughed, although it was quiet. “That sounds perfect to me. I’ll take boring over narcissistic any day.”

“I shouldn’t complain,” Dean said. “I have a good life, you know. My brother’s going to be a successful lawyer someday. I have great roles lined up for me. I have supportive friends that I don’t deserve. And I have…well, I still have you. Alive.”

“I’ll try to stay alive as long as possible for you,” Castiel said.

“That would be greatly appreciated.” Dean brushed his hand through Castiel’s hair. “It’s like a bale of hay lives on your head. It’s insane.”

“Leave my hair alone,” Castiel said.

Dean retrieved his hand. “I will find a brush tomorrow and I’m going to fix that hair.”

Castiel sighed. “Alright.”

“Go back to sleep,” Dean said. “I won’t go anywhere.”

Castiel smiled slowly. “I know.”

Dean sat back down. He removed his jacket and draped it over himself. He closed his eyes.

“Dean?” Castiel asked, but Dean was already snoring.

Castiel fluttered his eyelids, memorizing the peaceful way Dean slept beside him. Until finally, he slept as well.

 

*******

 

The two of them stood at Mary and John Winchester’s graves.

Dean rolled Castiel’s wheelchair all through the cemetery. It had taken a lot of persuasion for Dean to agree to be here. Castiel was good at persuasion.

The graves didn’t have any special markings on them, which Dean had explained was due to his parents finding those messages to be ridiculous. All they had was their names and dates marked. There were, however, fresh flowers in front of both of the headstones.

“They had many friends in this town,” Dean said. He bent down to place his own vase with white roses Castiel had helped pick out.

“I’m certain that they would be proud of you if they could see you now,” Castiel said, glancing up at Dean.

Dean furrowed his eyebrows. “I don’t think they ever imagined I would be an actor. It was the last thing on my mind back then. They always knew Sammy would be a lawyer. It was his lifelong dream. I didn’t have one. I had minimum wage jobs to get by, that’s all. I was content with that. That happens. You make enough money to get by, so you settle for what you have.” He smiled. “If it hadn’t been for Sammy, making me move to California, I never would have found what I was passionate about.”

“It’s good that you remember them so clearly and so fondly,” Castiel said, a little envious. Castiel wished he had someone to bring flowers to. His father had been cremated. One of his brothers had kept the ashes, but he didn’t care who. The details were not of import. Even if his father was buried here, Castiel would have felt no desire to visit his grave. What he envied was a family to remember.

No, not a family. What he didn’t have were parents to remember.

He had a family. He had siblings. He had Rufus. He had Dean. He had a family in every sense of the word.

Dean stood in silence for a moment before he turned to Castiel. “You ready to go?”

“Yes.”

Dean pushed the wheelchair back to the car. They indulged in the hot, summer day. It wasn’t excruciatingly hot, and the wind was picking up. Castiel was glad to be out of the house. It had been a little over a week since he’d been locked away at home, but even with Dean to keep him company, he preferred being outdoors. Castiel felt a lot like Dean when he talked about the fish in a fishbowl. That was exactly how Castiel felt in his house. Like a fish in a fishbowl, when the thing he wanted was the ocean.

Unfortunately, he was bound to a wheelchair while he got the casts off, and he was also bound to his house.

Gabriel had gone back home yesterday. The house felt different without him. Castiel had promised to visit him as soon as he healed, but in the meantime, he emailed him at least twice a day whenever he had something incredibly important to share, such as the mysterious bird that kept appearing at his garden and the way the lights sometimes flickered in the evening.

Dean sat on the couch, while Castiel sat on his wheelchair to watch TV. They were sharing a bag of popcorn. When Dean offered the bag to Castiel, his eyes roamed his body.

“What is it?” Castiel said.

“You’re too far away,” Dean said. He was on his feet, getting closer. He picked Castiel up from the wheelchair and into his arms. It was such an easy task for him now, but Castiel was taken by surprise. Dean placed Castiel on the couch and then sat close beside him. He curled an arm around Castiel’s shoulders, snaking a hand to grab more popcorn. “Much better.”

Castiel buried his face in Dean’s neck and slowly kissed a trail down his neck and jaw. The feel of his stubble was familiar. He heard Dean laughing. He was ticklish there.

“Oh, look,” Dean said after a while. “Isn’t that Chuck Shurley?”

Castiel turned to the TV, resting his head on Dean’s shoulder. The man on TV was in fact Chuck Shurley. They’d only met a few times on the set of the movie, but Castiel remembered him clearly. A very nice man. He was being interviewed about _Coffee Dates_.

“Is it true that you were asked to change the script as it was originally presented?”

Chuck pulled on his tie, fidgeting on the seat. “I, yes, I had to change the script. I hope it wasn’t too choppy in the final product. I did my best.”

“What was it that you had to change?”

“In all honesty, this wasn’t meant to be any ordinary romantic comedy,” Chuck said. “I think we’ve seen this story at least a hundred times already. What I had envisioned was the story of two men, who were lifelong friends, who understood each other. One of them tried to court a beautiful woman, while the other one helped him. In the end, the main character would understand that it was pointless trying to force a relationship with this woman because he loved his friend. As you can see by the posters and trailer, that was not the end product. Which is perfectly fine. I agreed to these changes. But I did want to clarify why the audience might be confused about all of the innuendos between these two male characters. In the end, we have to attract a larger audience. Maybe in the future we can have a highly popular queer romantic comedy.”

Dean snorted. “If Bela hears this, she will lose her shit. Can you imagine that? Bela not being the star of her movie? How would we have survived that?”

“That would have been a better film,” Castiel said, thoughtful. For now, this was all they had.

“Michael and Jimmy would have made a great couple, huh?”

“I think so,” Castiel said.

“We kind of owe it to them, not to hide anymore,” Dean said.

Castiel raised his head and kissed Dean’s lips. “Not hiding sounds good to me.”


	22. Nothing But the Future

“So, this is your famous bookstore?” Dean looked around, nodding appraisingly.

After a long moment of staring, Hannah rushed from behind the cash register to roll Castiel’s wheelchair closer to the counter. Her eyes flashed back to Dean.

“Hey, boss, I didn’t know you were going to bring along your actor buddy,” Hannah muttered in his ear.

Castiel glanced up at Dean, who was surveying the rows of bookcases. “His visit was an unexpected and delightful surprise.”

“He’s so handsome,” Hannah said. “I thought it was all the Hollywood makeup, but hot damn.”

“Isn’t he?” Castiel tilted his head, checking out Dean as he reached the top shelf for a book.

Hannah leaned against the counter, crossing her arms. “How long is he staying in town?”

“Why don’t you ask him?” Castiel said. “Dean? There’s someone who wants to meet you.”

Hannah stood rigidly, eyes widening. She didn’t know where to hide.

Dean walked back with a stack of books. He smiled and shook Hannah’s hand, balancing the books on his left side. “What’s your name?”

“Hannah,” she said. “I work here.”

“Figured you did,” Dean said. “How does your boss treat you?”

“Oh, you know, he’s just, Cas is great.” Hannah played with her hair and fidgeted with her hands before she headed back behind the counter. “I don’t mean to be annoying, but I have to say I really admire your talent. You and Castiel are both fascinating actors.”

Dean locked eyes with Castiel. “He’s amazing. And thank you,” he said, facing Hannah. “It’s never annoying to hear compliments from a lovely girl.”

Hannah beamed, and then she deflated into laughter. “I was just asking Castiel how long you would be in town.”

Castiel shrugged when Dean turned to him. He hadn’t asked Dean to stick around, but he knew that things were different between them now. Different and the same. They had discussed their living situation, but Dean had pointed out that there was no need to go anywhere while Castiel healed. Castiel had already told Dean that he wanted to leave. He wanted to travel as much as he could. Most importantly, Castiel wanted to be in L.A. with Dean. That was how far they had gotten before they could no longer keep their hands to themselves.

“That’s all up to your dear boss right here,” Dean said. “When he’s good and ready to fly away from the nest, we’re both going to take off.”

“Seriously?” Hannah asked Castiel. “Boss, what are we going to do without you?”

“Naomi’s managed my store perfectly fine without me these past few months,” Castiel said. “I am aware how fond she is of An Open Book. We’ve talked about co-owning the store.”

“Everything’s changing,” Hannah said. “But I’m happy for you, boss. I know that whatever you do, it’s for the best.”

“As long as what he does is me,” Dean said, setting his books on the counter. He was having a hard time keeping a straight face.

Castiel rolled his eyes. “Dean.”

Hannah cackled.

“See, Cas, she thinks I’m funny,” Dean said, wagging his eyebrows. Dean _loved_ being reassured he was funny.

“You’re hysterical,” Castiel said.

 

*******

 

Tonight was the _Coffee Dates_ premiere _._ The grand list of actors were strolling the red carpet. Inside the Impala, Castiel gripped Dean’s hand. Dean locked eyes with him and smiled, and all of Castiel’s nerves disappeared.

When they pulled up at the entrance, Dean exited the Impala and then rushed to the passenger seat to open Castiel’s door. The flashes of cameras were everywhere, but Castiel focused on the grip of Dean’s hand as he pulled him up. Castiel was able to walk with crutches because his arm had healed. Dean walked beside him, at his pace, and he beamed at the cameras. He always knew what to do in front of a camera, even if it was just put on a show. Castiel, he had to get used to everything all over again. But he was here to stay.

Dean whispered into his ear, “How you doing?”

Castiel nodded. “Great. And you?”

“Couldn’t be better.”

The first person who approached them with a mic was from a big website that Castiel had heard of but never visited. They were asked a few general questions, and then Dean was asked why he hadn’t brought a date.

Dean looked confused. “I did bring a date. He’s standing right next to me. Cas, she’s talking to you.”

Castiel smirked. “Yes?”

“Oh,” the girl said. “OH. Oh, Dean, you and Castiel? Oh, my God. This is awesome. This is huge. How long have you two been dating?” She blew air on her face with her hand.

“It’s been a while,” Dean said, winking at Castiel.

“He’s very hard to live with,” Castiel said, giving her more than she’d hoped for.

“You live together? Oh, wow. This is just great. What more can you tell us? Was it all that speculating from the fans that made this happen?”

Dean laughed. “No, none of that. We just…well…” Dean glanced at Castiel, and Castiel knew right then that he was about to give the performance of his life. For the cameras, for the fans, for the entertainment. “We just came together, you know. Cas and I, we were two friends who couldn’t really see what we had in front of each other. In a sense, we were Michael and Jimmy. But contrary to them, we found love together.”

“That was so beautiful, Dean,” the girl said.

Dean nodded his head. He’d said just what the audience was hoping to hear. Castiel did his best not to roll his eyes. It was hard to deny that he wasn’t just as fascinated by Dean as everyone else.

Bela showed up late, but she made a big entrance. She had a white Hummer limo, and a gorgeous man Castiel had seen all over magazines opened her door and held her hand as she climbed out. Bela wore a red laced dress. Her enormous belly bump was gone. She's recently had a little girl, but it was impossible to see any traces of her pregnancy. Castiel could never understand why famous women tried so hard to hide the fact that they had just had a baby. It was a natural part of life. Bela looked glamorous, and beautiful as ever. Castiel knew that despite the baby drama, Bela did have her good side, although it was deeply hidden and rarely seen.

“The star has arrived,” Castiel said, grinning.

“We should keep moving,” Dean said, wrapping an arm around Castiel’s. “The spotlight is only big enough for her.”

Castiel laughed. “I'd be happy to give her all of my share."

 _Coffee Dates_ was a humorous film. Mostly, what made Castiel laugh was seeing Dean stumble around on the big screen. His facial expressions were the best, especially when at one point his character showed up at the coffee house in his underwear, and was made aware of it by his faithful best friend. Filming that scene had been difficult for Castiel because he was not allowed to laugh, he was only supposed to offer sarcastic, witty comments to embarrass Michael. But now, he could laugh as much as he wanted to.

Dean gaped at their fight scene. What Chuck had said about the original script was becoming more obvious now that they saw the finished movie. The scenes between Michael and Jimmy were much more emotional and heart-wrenching than the ones between Michael and Bela. Clearly, though, Bela’s character was the focus of the story.

After the movie, Castiel and Dean went out to celebrate at The Roadhouse. Charlie and Jo were supposed to meet them there, but when they arrived, they were both surprised to find Sam and Jess at their table.

“Sam! What the hell are you doing here?” Dean went straight to his brother and squeezed the air out of him. “You should have told me you’d be in town.”

Castiel greeted everyone, and then he noticed when Sam held Jess’s hand as they sat down again. “When did this happen?” he asked.

“Oh,” Jess said, holding up their hands. “A few weeks ago? I really can’t remember. Nothing’s really changed.”

Sam looked at her, and Castiel thought he’d never looked more peaceful. “It’s been going really great.”

“Sam called me the first time they kissed,” Dean said. “It was adorable.”

“I did not,” Sam said, flushing. “Jess, I did not.”

Jess laughed. “That’s okay. I called my friends, I was so happy.”

“We need some drinks,” Jo said. “How about we start with shots?”

“Sounds good to me,” Charlie said.

Jo ordered them all shots. “Alright, everyone,” she said. “We’re gonna go around the table, and after we do our shots, we each have to say one secret that no one else knows in this table. Are you all up for it?”

Castiel swallowed nervously, but he nodded along with everyone else. Really, though, what did he have to lose? He trusted everyone at this table. They were his friends. His family.

Since it was her idea, Jo went first. After she chugged her drink, she said, “Dean, I hated your last movie. _Supernaturally_ was so, so bad.”

“Ouch,” Dean said. “I don’t blame you, though.” He high-fived Jo. “Thanks for the honesty.”

Charlie went next. “I’m not a natural redhead. I know, shocking, right? I’m actually a blonde.”

“Holy crap,” Jo said. “Is that why you won’t show me your baby pictures?”

“Guilty,” Charlie said.

Jess went next. “I really, really love mimes. I don’t know why. This is just an unnatural occurrence.”

“I bet it’s because you like Charlie Chaplin,” Sam said. “There has to be a connection there somewhere.”

“Oh, Sam, always over-analyzing me.” Jess smiled and shook her head.

“That’s because you’re the best thing to analyze,” Sam said. “Alright, my turn. I have decided to let my hair grow long. Longer than it is now. Like, down here.” He pointed to his middle. “I want to be able to tie my hair up, maybe grow a beard. Wouldn’t that be cool?”

Jess tilted her head. “I like it, yeah.”

“Sam, she’s a keeper,” Dean said. “I think I should go next.” Dean raised his glass, and he looked from Jo, to Charlie, to Jess, to Sam, and finally to Castiel. “I’m actually a great singer. It’s sort of a hidden talent that I’ve tried to ignore, but I’ve been told my voice is good. Usually at karaoke bars, where everyone is drunk.”

“I think he’s right,” Sam said, laughing. “Oh, man, I remember the songs you would sing to me when I was little. I used to love that.”

Castiel touched Dean’s leg under the table. He made a mental note to convince Dean to sing to him when they were alone. It probably wouldn’t be too difficult.

“I believe it’s my turn,” Castiel said, gripping his glass. He’d planned to share this with everyone anyway. “I’m going to start teaching acting at a theater school this fall. I love acting, and there’s nothing I would love more than to teach aspiring actors what I know. Yesterday I found out I got the job.” Castiel shifted, facing Dean. “I would also like us to look for a place of our own. I miss my garden. And I know you are dying to get a dog. So, what do you say? Should we go house hunting?”

Dean reached blindly at the table for something. “Drink. Give me a drink. Why aren’t there more drinks?”

“Did you hear what I said?” Castiel asked.

“I did, yeah, I did.” Dean nodded. “Which is exactly why we need more drinks. We’re getting our own home. We’re settling down. We’re fucking adults, man.”

“Yes, we are,” Castiel said, relieved that Dean was taking this so well.

“And you get to keep doing what you love,” Dean said, giddy with excitement. Then he grabbed Castiel’s face and kissed him hard. “This is amazing!”

“Congrats on the new job, Cas,” Sam said.

“Seriously, that’s great news,” Charlie said. “Congrats, buddy.”

“Thank you,” Castiel said. “I’m ready for the future.”

 

*******

 

After they danced for hours, everyone headed home. Tomorrow, Castiel and Dean were going to start their search for a new home. But tonight was still not over.

They were still at the parking lot. The night was cool and quiet.

Dean started the Impala, and played _The Rain Song_. “This song makes me think of you. It always puts you to sleep.”

Castiel leaned his head back on the seat, and indulged in the lulling melody. “It makes me think of you, too, Dean.”

Dean stared at Castiel, a soft smile on his face. “You remember that first time we came here? You were tired, and you were falling asleep to this song, and then you smiled. I thought you were beautiful.”

“Dean, I say this because I love you,” Castiel muttered, eyes closing. “You are quite corny.”

“We were having a moment,” Dean said.

“I think I had a crush on you the moment I met you,” Castiel said. “I thought it would be easier to hate you, but you made it so hard to do.”

“You had a crush on me?” Dean asked. “I would have never guessed.”

“It was insignificant, until it wasn’t anymore,” Castiel said, yawning. He remembered how many times he thought he could keep it under control. He was sure Dean would never reciprocate his feelings, and he didn’t want to change what they had. But then it all became too much, and it was until Castiel was drunk that he worked up the courage to act on what he felt. “I hope to be braver from now on.”

“You’re brave,” Dean said, with full certainty.

“I like to think I learned it from you,” Castiel said.

“Now who’s being corny?”

Castiel chuckled. “Perhaps our romantic comedy got inside our heads.”

“That’s possible,” Dean said.

“Are you ready for tomorrow, Dean?” Castiel reached for Dean’s hand and laced their fingers. “This is a big commitment.”

“I’m excited,” Dean said. “I’m fine with commitment as long as it’s with you.”

Castiel squeezed his hand. The music was putting him to sleep, and he felt he couldn’t open his eyes anymore. “You’re my favorite person. Always will be.”

“I know,” Dean said. “I know.”

“Take me home,” Castiel whispered.

The car started moving, and the song became dimmer. The weight in his hand, however, became stronger.

_Upon us all, a little rain must fall. It’s just a little rain._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone who read this. Writing fanfiction helps me improve my writing skills, it relaxes me, and usually, it makes me happy. I write these stories more for myself than for anyone else, but I still love to share them. I really appreciate your feedback. A lot has changed in my life recently, and I thought this was the best place to end this story--on a happy note--before I couldn't take the pressure of an unfinished story and wrote a sad, depressing ending just to get it over with. I hope this was worth the wait!


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